Nathan's musings on life and sex.

Joe, You know who you are. Props to you on the sly 411. Turned me onto a new site today: Trust Me, I'm a Blonde.

I took this article from MSN this morning, because I found it quite interesting and very truthful: George Costanza claimed to have invented the “It’s not you, it’s me” break-up excuse on Seinfeld. But he’s certainly not the only man out there who suddenly got spooked and hit the relationship “eject” button. Here’s the scoop on why some relationships abruptly go bust.

• You play it too cool.Playing hard-to-get can be an extremely effective device, but you might scare a guy off if you abide too strictly by The Rules. “I went on dates with this woman my buddy set me up with and we had an awesome time: Great conversations, great kisses. But then she wouldn’t return my calls or emails for a couple of days. And it seemed like she always had other plans if I didn’t book a date way in advance,” says Jim, 29, from Bennington, Vermont. “My buddy kept telling me she was into me, but I couldn’t help but feel like she was stringing me along until she found something better. So I stopped calling her. She called me a week later to make sure everything was O.K., but I just broke it off before she could dump me.”
• Tip: A vital part of the playing hard-to-get game is dropping enough clues (especially to shy guys) that you can be gotten. When you do go out, let him know that you had an amazing time. That way, when you don’t jump all over his offer of a last-minute date, he won’t think you’re just blowing him off.
• Nate's Take: Yup, I've been on the receiving end of this myself and it gets tiresome really quick. After a few trial and errors of being Mr. Nice Guy, I developed a rule: If a woman was very appreciative of what I was doing and spending and was genuine, I would continue. If I ever got the hint she was no longer 'appreciative' or thankful, the cash flow stopped. I also gave 2 calls. If I never receive a call back after I attempt twice, I move on. I don't play games. That is so High School.

• He feels there’s something amiss on the s-e-x front too soon. Not soon enough. Too willing. Not willing enough. The truth is, men have lots of issues with bedroom compatibility. “When you jump right to sex, you skip a lot of the bonding behaviors that intensify a relationship,” explains Dr. Pat Love, author of The Truth About Love: The Highs, the Lows, and How You Can Make It Last Forever. “I tell people to try and enjoy the ride a little. Don’t skip over that romantic, electrifying bonding period.” Beyond bypassing the bonding period, sex can throw other obstacles into a relationship. Chris, 32, from New Haven, Connecticut, broke things off because, he explains, “My ex-girlfriend and I were compatible in every way except sex. I like to spice things up, but she wouldn’t go for it. After a while, I just felt rejected. It all went downhill from there.”
• Tip: If you are presented with a mattress maneuver you’re not comfortable with, don’t just say “no,” suggests Dr. Love, “say what.” Meaning, to avoid making your guy feel rejected, suggest an alternative that would be pleasing to you. This way the guy knows that you’re not put off by him, just by the idea of pouring hot wax on his chest.
• Nate's Take: DUH! You really have to tell a woman this? I too like to spice things up, if you show no interest in a little variance or surprise me once in a while, of course I'm gonna have a wandering eye and want to move on. WOMEN: As much as you think we like sex and will never turn it down, we do know the difference between going through the motions and something we will never forget. I've had 'plain' encounters in the past, and I can't even remember their names, while on the other hand, the woman who 'suggested' something out of the ordinary I remember EVERYTHING to this day. If it's the same thing everytime, believe me, I'd rather just take care of myself. It's cheaper and no headache's.

• He feels he can’t measure up. Ask a room full of single guys if they’d be interested in dating a successful woman with a Beemer in the driveway and a sizeable stash in the bank, and 9 out of 10 will trample you to get to her. But while the fantasy of having a woman who takes you to fancy restaurants and picks up checks bigger than your weekly salary sounds nice, lots of guys can’t handle the emasculating feelings that arise. Says Kevin, 30, from New York City, “I met someone at a friend’s wedding and we really hit it off. She was a financial executive; I was, and still am, a production assistant just scraping by. She said it didn’t matter to her and I tried not to let it matter to me. But whenever she slapped down her platinum card, it just made me feel kind of pathetic.”
• Tip: So what is a successful single woman to do? Dr. Love advises talking about it honestly—and briefly. “If you want to go out somewhere you know is out of his reach, just say, ‘I would like to treat you,’ and try not to make a big deal out of it. The more you talk about it, the more he will feel emasculated.” And remember, you’re not his financial advisor. Let him grab the check every now and again. It might not be good for his bank account, but it’ll do wonders for his ego.
• Nate's Take: Actually I wish more woman that I have dated would have at least just offered to pay once in a while and didn't expect me to all the time. I don't mind a woman who makes more money than me at all....as long as she isn't verbally reminding me that she makes more or 'intentionally' making me conscience of her gains and my shortfalls. When someone intentionally continues to make a point about it, or uses it as an arguing point to hold something over you, then I have issues. But I think I've done my share of pampering in the past, I'd like to be pampered for a bit now, thank you.

• He feels like he has two mommies. He spent half his life listening to one woman tell him the brown belt doesn’t go with the black pants. He doesn’t need you to keep at it. “A woman might think she’s taking care of her man, but he thinks he’s being controlled,” says Dr. Love. “When men feel like they are being mothered or being talked down to, it can be very demeaning.”
• Tip: Want to improve your guy’s junky jeans and crappy T-shirt style? The key to success is properly phrasing your fashion policing. Don’t say, “Honey, you’d look so nice in an Oxford shirt.” Say, “Oh my God, you’d look so hot in this!” If he thinks buttoning-up equals sex appeal, you can be sure he’ll do it.
• Nate's Take: Agree 100%. No argument here.

• You’re moving too fast. When fellas feel like the relationship has gone from zero to “let’s move in together” in three seconds, most guys slam on the brakes. “There is a biological reason why men and women move at different speeds in relationships,” says Dr. Love. “During sex, both men and women secrete a hormone called oxytocin, which intensifies feelings of love and the desire to nest. But in men, testosterone counteracts its effects. So afterwards, the woman is lying there feeling like they’ve bonded for life, while he’s wondering what’s on ESPN.” A woman may feel so connected as a relationship blossoms that she’s thinking long-term; the guy, however, may not feel as committed to a future together.
• Tip: How best to handle this chemical imbalance? Lay off the Bride’s magazine subscription for a while and follow his lead. Let him refer to you as his girlfriend before you call him your boyfriend. Let him suggest your first weekend getaway. If you’re with the right guy, his heart will eventually catch up with his hormones.
• Nate's Take: While I agree with the problem, I totally disagree with the tip. When the time is right (perhaps a few weeks, maybe a series of good dates), I have no problem with a woman calling me her 'boyfriend' first. Also, I would LOVE if a woman asked me out for a weekend get-away. That has happened a few times to me, and I felt as if I were on Cloud 9 for days. And believe me, those few times when a woman took me somewhere, I was more than eager to return the favor and even Rock Her World like I never done before. So I think the tip is horse shit. On the other hand, I don't want to see Bridal Magazine after 1-2 weeks, and I don't want to see your shoes in my closet until we talk. And when you start decorating my house with shit you bought without taking my tastes into consideration, it's in the trash as soon as you leave...unless you talk to me first. That's just rude.

Just playing folks. Don't mind the nasal voice. It's allergy season here for me.

First and foremost, thank you all who have left comments regarding this weekends recent debacle. You don't realize how a few words can change one's overall attitude. It eases the self-sting a little bit. So I didn't even wait for an appointment. I just got in my car and drove my sorry butt to my Dr.'s office and pled my case. I will give my Dr.'s office props...they were very understanding, accomodating on no notice and empathetic. The doctor entered the patient room I was in and just sat back and looked at me for a minute without saying anything. In retrospect, I think he could clearly see I feeling very troubled and it was a look of concern and how was he going to approach speaking with me. Leaning back against a counter in the room, eyes locked on me, and hand rubbing his chin he asked me "So, tell me exactly what happened." I did. Trying to be as accurate as I could while trying to hold my composure together. My eyes began to water ever so slightly and I know the doc knew I was on the verge. He proceded to engage me with some physical tests that were very uncomfortable. Move my arm this way and that, push, pull, rotate, etc. At times it was....excruciating. The Good News: He said he was very pleased with my rotation and range of motion. The Bad News: He was a little concerned with my lateral and rotation strength, or lack thereof. Prelims: Doctor believes at least at this point I may have just aggravated and seriously inflamed the area. He said I 'most likely' sprained the shoulder to the Nth degree, but in all honesty it was too early to tell just yet. He told me, no gym, back in the sling...immobilze the arm for the week. Take aspirin and wait it out till Friday. If the pain begin to dissapate over the week, it was probably just one of the wosrt sprains he's ever seen (Oh great, I set a record for him). If the pain continues over the weekend, then we should 'possibly' be concerned that I may have re-torn part of the tendon away from either the bone or anchors. The only good news that came from this worst case scenario option was that the major surgery was already done a few months ago, so if they go back in, it won't be as bad. He believes that a surgery option would only consist going in Orthoscopically at this point. No need to open the three inch scar, shave the bone or add more anchors. But it's too early to tell yet. So I'm back in the sling, popping Advil like they are Pez and communing with my Creator for a positive outcome.

As those that know my blog know I went under the knife a few months ago for corrective rotator cuff surgery to repair a torn tendon in my shoulder. The surgery was a success and the first few days, even weeks were a little rough. I felt I was an invilid, needing aid in taking a shower, putting on my clothes, doing simple stuff around the house. I never realized how much I really depended on both arms functioning, until one is strapped to your side, immobilized for days on end. Then when the bandages came off, I started the physical therapy. The first few days were tough, but not brutal. After a few weeks my therapist said I was ahead of schedule, that I was making a fast recovery. Certainly due to a workout regime of mine that is basically weight lifting. I'm not a small guy. Needless to say they told me to take it easy, but 'taking it easy' is different for everyone, and it's hard to set up parameters on one's overall progress. Mind you, I am pretty smart, not your typical jock, and I did heed my therapists warnings. But my arm and shoulder have been feeling fine so I started working out again....light. Last week I had a successful bench press of 145 lbs, though way shy of my normal 300+, and I took this as a good sign. Then Friday, after work, I went again and upped the weight to 165lbs. No issues and I didn't over push myself. Saturday I worked on the house doing a variety of chores, and perhaps pushing myself a bit, but there was no real weight involved as I had been lifting in the gym. More repetitive motions like digging and sweeping. Then comes Sunday. Yesterday. I had a bug up my ass regarding a plant/bush I wanted to remove. It's roots were deep, the dirt dry. I borrowed a pick axe from my neighbor and began to hack away at the dirt. Just a little bit harder. Swing, swing, swing. Tug, tug, tug. 'POP' I stopped instantly. Uh, oh. My shoulder shouldn't have made that noise just now. I stopped everything I was doing and instantly noticed that I was losing lateral strength again in my arm. The symptoms feel exactly as before when I tore the tendon pre surgery. Oh God, please. Please let it be just a sprain. I put some ice on it immediately, and took some Tylenol. I then placed ice on it every other hour for about 20 minutes. I prayed. Then I prayed some more. Oh God, it's not feeling any better. I woke up this morning at 12:30 am and really couldn't fall back asleep because of it. Did I just screw myself all over again? It sure feels that way, and so of course I'm scared. Damn scared. I'm pretty pathetic. After all the doctor and therapist told me, here I am swinging an axe, feeling fine once second,....then crappy the next. Please don't let me have to do this all over again I thought, and am still thinking as I write this. Please, oh please, just let it be a sprain.....but I don't think it is. I think I F'd myself. In a worst case scenario, I don't think I can have the surgery again this soon after the first. Maybe a few months? Ever? Can they re-repair something already so delicate? I cried. Yes, I cried like a baby. With all the other things wrong with people...cancer, murder, terminal illnesses, amputations, etc....I am crying about my tendon that I had a second chance with, and possibly blew it. I feel like I let myself down, April down, common sense down, the doctors down. I feel guilty and ashamed that I am so concerned about my shoulder when so many other bad things can happen to people and are. I just heard about a cop who was fatally shot in the face, leaving his new bride of 3 weeks behind and two children, and here I am whimpering about my shoulder. It's coming to terms that I am not in my 20's anymore, and clearly I haven't come to terms with that. It probably also means that my heavy weightlifting days are over. At least over in the sense that I will not be bench pressing heavy weights ever again, or doing much with my shoulders. That's tough to swallow and come to terms with as well. Weightlifting is my hobby, my exercise, my burning off steam. Sure I can do my legs, my arms, maybe even my back. But my shoulder and chest days are probably over, and I didn't really realize how vain I may actually be. I've tried calling the doctor already this morning, but I don't think they are open yet. I pretty much have to beg them, yes BEG them to see me today. I doubt they will, which of course will plague me the next few days mentally until I really get an assesment of the situation. Obviously no gym today. I figure I'll be so dead tired anyway later due to lack of sleep, and I'm sure I'll be crabby and feeling sorry for myself. How could I be so fucking stupid? Oh yeah, I'm a guy who thinks he still has a body of fuckin' Superman at 24 years old, indestructible and able to conquer all ailments. Conquering all except my own stupid ego. I'm fucked. Damn me.

Klub Kiss The DJ announced last call at 11:45 between the hi-energy beats of the 808 kick-drum pounding through the speakers and our bodies. I hadn't known you before this evening, nor you me. The dark atmosphere was loud yet myserious. Flashes of colored strobes seemed as if they were in sequence with the songs. The humid air from a hundred people dancing made our shirts cling to our bodies and presented an erotic sheen to your skin. Earlier that evening you bumped up against me by accident as I was leaning over the brushed nickel bar requesting yet another cherry laced Manhatten from the bartender wannabe actor. You turned to apologize and I'm not sure whose eyes locked on whose first, but were both searching for something to say. Your beautiful large brown eyes disarmed me as you said "Sorry", and the best comeback I could grasp for was a sly smile. I think I even forgot to blink as I was so mesmerized. You introduced yourself as Gina. You were here with your friends, blowing off a little steam the best way you knew how: dance your ass off and let the room feel your energy. I explained I was here for the music, the scene, and the best Manhattan's in town. I offered you a sip, but you declined smiling coyly back "Maybe later.." The hypnotic strobes revealed flashes of your bare stomach. Faded denim jeans with legs that looked like they went on for days. French manicured toenails peeked out from your open toed black strapped heels. Your tight black spaghetti strapped tank top was form fitting to a 'T'. Your angelic face was inviting, but I also had the feeling the look was to innocent to be true....something of a bad girl lurked somewhere not far under the surface. Your auburn hair shimmied from the hint of perspiration and then you asked me to dance. For the next few hours, we grooved together trading innocent grazes and playful touches. As the night wore on, the personal distance between our bodies shrank and before the DJ made his final announcements of the evening we were dancing as one. Finally as the music came to a faded close and the house lights came up, I offered to walk you back to your car which you accepted. We made our way outside from the front and began to walk down the sidewalk. You indicated to me that your car was parked out back of the club, through the dark alleyway on the right. We turned the corner of the old brick building, and slowly made our way down a dimly lit narrow passage. You reached for my hand and our walking slowed as we looked up into the night sky together trading cursory comments back and forth. It was half way down the alley in which you came to a complete stop and whirled me around to face you. With your back to the wall, you reached out with your other hand and took my free hand in yours, tilting your head to one side and supressing a smile. "Come here", you said softly and pulled me close to you. Our faces were inches apart from each other. I could smell the faint traces of the perfume you applied so many hours before, the glistening of your wet lips, the glow of your skin from ths stars above. Our eyes darted back into each other searching for any indication of seduction. "Kiss me." you said. And with that you loosed your hands. One grabbed my belt loop and pulled me in, while your hand reached for the back of my head and pulled me down as you closed your eyes and your mouth parted. We shared a passionate kiss right then and there. The tender lip locking began to increase in aggressiveness until at its crescendo, our hands were all over each other. My hands could feel the sweat on the small of your bare back, tracing the dimples out on either side, as you looped your arms under mine and pulled me from my back into you. Your breathing went from slow measured breaths to furious panting and I could feel the individual stitching on your rear end pockets as I cupped them in my strong hands. We parted briefly and as our forheads touched you said: "Mmmmm...You taste like cherries." Finally others leaving the club began hooting and hollering as they turned into the alley and the moment was broken as we regained composure. You decided we needed to call it a night and you led me to your car. As you fumbled through your bag for your keys, I leaned up against the cold steel of your car staring at your perfect body. I could only imagine what Gina may have tasted like if this were to continue. Lost in my own thoughts, you broke the spell by calling my name and handing me a piece of paper. You pecked me once more, got in your car and drove off. As your tail lights became smaller in the distance, I opened the piece of paper and there was scribbling: Gina 555-3657 You can taste my cherry later. Call me.

Napolean Dynamite Festival No, I am not making this up. I guess this weekend, if you're in the Preston, Idaho area...you can take part in the 1st Napolean Dynamite Festival. Okay, that rocks! Here is a handy .pdf file of events. There will be such things as a Moon Boot dance contest, Tether-ball tournament, Tater Tot eating contest and look-alike contest to name a few. How great is that? I guess you have to have a very warped sense of humor to enjoy the movie, I know I loved it and bought it on DVD when it came out and probably have watched it a 1/2 dozen times by now. I just heard about it today, and it's too short notice for me to attend, but if it comes around next year....hmmmmm....

This really wasn't going to be my post today....it was actually going to be about Sex in the City, but some for some reason after I ate some cardboard (more on that in a minute) I just don't feel all too randy. That's weird, 'cause I was this morning. Darn....brain fade....I just forgot what I was going to write about. Hmmmmm. Oh yeah,...the title explains it...the gym. So yesterday, and without clearance from therapy (I'm feeling too lazy to make another $30 appointment right now) I went to the gym to do chest. After hearing plenty of "be careful's" from friends and a stern talking to by April I braved the waters of the bench press, incline press, fly's, and lateral presses. The good news is everything went swimmingly, other than a little tightness and no major pain at all. The bad news is I'm sore all over...it's hell not working out for over 2 months on a major body part, and I definetly know my strength is way down. However, I felt good and even though I know I could have done more, I limited myself to a maximum of 145lbs. And between the various 4 exercises I did a total of about 16 sets at 10 reps each. I plan on increasing the weight again this Friday. Hoepfully I'll test waters at around 165lbs and continue to go up every week. I hope within a month from now I will be at least up to 200 lbs, still shy of my regular 300+lbs. That may be a few month down the road. The other side benefit is a new diet and eating regime. When I weighed myself the other day, I expected to have gained a few lbs, but I was a little surprised at how many extra pounds I atcually added. Now part of that is my latest dalliance in the partaking of the 'sauce', meaning I've enjoyed a bit too much Jack Daniels and beer as of late. So I approached April about a really dedicated diet. It's killing me a little more than it is her as we started a few days ago. The no alcohol is okay with me, but I'm a bit hungry. No, I'm not starving myself, but timing small, healthy snacks about every 2.5 hours, drinking plenty of water and staying away from anything that may remotely be considered questionable. As all my co-workers had pizza yesterday, I had an Atkins tuna wrap on a low carb tortilla. Last night I had a single halibut steak with only lemons and herbs, tonight BBQ chicken...no skin. I know I can drop the weight, and I think April is encouraged as well I'm doing this with her. I was digging through my house again the other day and I found some pictures of us when we first met again. Dang, she looked good and I know why I was attracted to her...at least physically anyway. Today is pretty slow...perhaps I'll be in my 'sparky' mood later.

So it's appears to be that time again to clean up the old links. I removed Phun.org since it seems to be dead...Most likely removed via court order :) Chastity moved her whole blog to the new and improved Sugar and Ice. Frisky-girl seems to have dissapeared from Diaryland as well. If you stop by, update me on your new site. Chuck moved to the Chuckster. ~~~~~~~~~~~

• So I had a nice lunch today with two co-workers from another department. Enjoyed some good mexican food, outside, under the sun, sipping on Ice Tea.
• Today has been another crazy day at work. Looking forward to getting off soon and having a few drinks.
• Still have no idea what I am doing for Father's day. Called him a few minutes ago and he had no ideas. Typical for us guys I suppose.

Musings Ack, so many topics. I feel somewhat scatterbrained today, but a lot of that is brought on by the nature of my job. Since I got back last week, seems like my workload has doubled and so have the responsibilities in my personal life as well. So in no particular order, I offer you my brain dump for today:

1. Right now I am enjoying a cup of liquid gold. I brought in a french press to work and am having fresh ground starbucks coffee. A little later than I would have liked, but I felt a headache comming on. You know, the whole caffeine withdrawl thing.
2. I'm also listening to some nice jazz music curtousy of my Ken Bruns 5 disc jazz collection. Jazz drives April nuts...she's really not into the horns. I kinda undertand. I myself never really cared for the flute and only like jazz piano, not classical. I told her once I wanted to learn to play the trumpet and she pretty much said no. In hindsight, I still would love to play the trumpet, but where the hell am I gonna find the time?
3. TV is sooo boring now for me other than HBO and F/X, that I am living off of my Netflix. Finally catching up on movies I wanted to see, but just never got around to.
4. I've dodged going to physical therapy for almost 2 weeks now, but at $30 a session I've saved around $150 so far. I'd say my shoulder is about 95%. Have a slight rotation problem, but I hope it will go away in time or once I start doing upper body again. I will try to go to at least one session next week and hope the Doctor gives me the green light to start doing chest again. I haven't done a single bench press in over 2 months now and it's killing me mentally. Even a co-worker said I was looking a bit smaller. NOOOOO!
5. Got a ton-o-chores this weekend. Besides the requisite laundry and vacuuming, I have some yard work to do and some home improvement items.
6. And I still have to fit fathers day in somehow. Today is Friday and I still don't have a gift for my ole man. Looks like it will be the traditional Home depot card again. I hate those, but at his age it's really hard to impress him with anything. He likes to putter around Home Depot.
7. My other neighbor just got a brand new puppy, a miniature schauzer about 6 weeks old. Good God, I'm in love and want a dog so bad. And it's the minianture schanuzer I want to. But I need to repair my gate and fence. Speaking of which, my neighbors dog has begun to chew a hole in our shared fence. So I know that's a big project and expense for the both of us....and it seems summer is half over. Where am I gonna find the time or the money.
8. Speaking of money, my invoice for my surgery just came in the mail yesterday. I still haven't opened it. I'll do it this weekend once I have a drink. I'm afraid.
9. May see Batman. I want to....but seems like I have so much to do.
10. April is starting a new diet again. Don't even get me started there. She has two friends that started this diet togther, and they each lost almost 10 pounds each in half the time April did with Weight Watchers. She starts Tuesday with them I guess.
11. Sex life is...well...not sure really. Here's the lowdown on that today:

• April and I spoke on the phone yesterday. Her friend 'Flo' came by for a visit last night and will be staying the next few days. Seems like Aunt Flo shows up at the most in-oportune times.
• We are supposed to go on a double date with some good friends of mine tonight. Dinner, drinks, conversation. I know we'll be dressed up and that always helps to get me in the mood...a night on the town.
• My friend sent me an Internet link last night: FormerGirlfriends.com Damn him. My word if I wasn't salivating over these 'homemade amatuer' pics (warning: nude pics). Some of them so reminded om my college days and some discrete 'encounters' I have had. It sure didn't help calm my libido after yesterday's discussion of Entourage. I am a walking hormone, ready to spring into action at the slighest wink or graze. Seriously, this morning there couldn't have been enough cold water in my shower to achieve shrinkage. So I am wearing slightly larger clothes today if you catch my drift. Yes, I'm on frickn' fire right now and just want to get nasty. This of course makes concentrating at work all the much harder (no pun intended).
• It's gonna be a long frickn' weekend if I can't convince April to help me out a bit tonight.

Entourage Musings First and foremost, it looks like 'Hello' finally got its crap together and I can once again post pictures to my blog. Yay. I have such a nice collection of photos that span the years and help set the tone for many posts. It sucked while it was down. So, one of my favorite shows on television is HBO's Entourage. I pay the $10 a month extra so I can have my Sopranos, Deadwood, Six Feet Under and many of the quirky other ones as well, but Entourage just started it's second season. Brief synopsis: Single young actor is surrounded by his three best friends and their day to day activities. Vince is the actor, rich, good looking, always scoring with the ladies but never found his one true love. Eric is the brains and Vince's right hand man, also the only one with his head screwed on more firmly. Drama (also an actor) is Vince's older brother, but living in Vince's shadow always to looking to find a break out role. He's also a bit slow. Turtle is the comic relief of the group, he's everyone's gopher, but likes to party and has no problem throwing Vince's name around to score the honey's or gadgets for the house. It's pretty funny overall, and I think we can all relate to these characters in one way or another. One of the reason's I like the show, (no, not the only reason) is that I like the good looking ladies on the show. Sometimes I fantasize that I'm Vince...not that I want to be an actor, or filthy rich, or even pretentious, but it amazes me the 'dates' (if you will) he hooks up with. This past week Jamie Pressly was on. She's sporting a new short haircut which is very yummy. She was wearing low-rider/hip-hugger blue jeans and showing off her flat stomach. I'm so infatuated with her (amongst many others). So what am I getting at? I look back at my life now and compare it to where I am today, and where I picture myself 10-20-30 years from now. 'Entourage' really connects with me as I once led that life. Sure, sans the mansion, and expensive cars but I'm proud to say (not in an egotistical way) that I was a member of group of friends who was their own 'Entourage'. Actually at one time or another, each one of us played the role of Vince, and everyone else on teh cast. Picture this. When I was in college, my clique was made up of the following: an Iranian, a Vietnamese, a German, a black guy, and me. We were the United Colors of Beneton in action. We were best friends. Race had no meaning what-so-ever, and the only time race ever came up is when we told drunk jokes amongst ourselves, and we all knew it was just a joke and never personal. We were all Vince, we were all Turtle, all Drama, all Eric. I think about the 'dates' we scored...not always successful mind you, but overall batting average was pretty good. And like Vince, none of us ever found true, lasting love. We are still seeking. Sure, we had girlfriends, and we were true to them, and on occasion thought 'she' was 'the one' (see Sandy for me). Alas, relationships were often doomed, only lasting as long as the physical encounters would allow. It was nice to be young and 'sew your oats', and as great as all those memories are, they are short memories. Lasting from days to weeks, to maybe an occasional month, but never years, or to build a lasting life on. Sad thing today is that we all drifted apart as many friends do over time. I only keep in contact with one or two on a regular basis. What the hell happened? I wax poetic. I sit and watch 'Entourage' today, sometimes wishing that were me once again. But now I realize at my stage in life that even all the fly honeys, good sex, and brief encounters were just that.....brief. I wish I could say I can step back into that role again, and maybe I can for a few days at a time, but now we have responsibilities...a house, a job, bills, and the thought of family cross's my mind. The two worlds cannot co-exist for me today. As much as I would like them to, I am not built of the same material I was when I was in my early 20's. Let's say that even though that lifestyle is tempting and can seem very attractive and perhaps fulfilling on the physical side...it does nothing for the emotional, spiritual, soul searching side. While I find the show highly entertaining, I also find it depressing....to me....because that is who I was and still am at some level, and desire to recapture, but I know better....it's for all the wrong reasons. But I can still look at the fly honey's like the one above.

Musings So as I am sure you've all heard, the gloved one got off on all ten counts that he was charged with. I'm not sure if that surprises me or not. I guess that not only did I really not care one way or the other, the very small amount of brain power I actually allocated to thinking about his trial left me on the fence. Granted, the man needs help....no argument from me there. However, I think the parents who allow their children to continually spend the night after the first round of allegations some ten years ago also need their heads examined. With that all said and done, and all the other judgments that will take place over the next few days and weeks on television, I felt compelled to write about the pathetic people I work with. And that's not absolving me of being pathetic either, I'd like to think I'm but a wallflower to the dance of idiots. You see, we have a small recreation room here with a television set, so of course just prior to the verdict being read, I'd say about 30 or so of my fellow coworkers would leave our productivity behind and sit around awaiting the verdicts from CourtTV. I sat in stunned embarrassment as my fellow denizens made the obligatory Michael Jackson jokes that we've only heard 1000 times. In a cacophony of "Beat It" punch lines, 'wardrobe malfunction' comments, and endless references to Bubbles and high shrill feminine squeal impersonations I looked about the room and realized I work with a lot of Jerry Springer audience rejects. Good God was I so embarrassed at the continuing lame ass jokes and dorky opinions....as if they were so proud that they thought of their quippy one-liners all by themselves. No, unfortunately I had heard most of these before and found myself laughing. Not laughing at the jokes themselves, but the sheer fact that my co-workers were so proud of themselves for thinking they were so fucking original. It was like I was the one cool kid who got trapped at the back of the bus headed for the high school band competition. I wanted to scream 'Let me off...NOW', but I endured to hear the verdicts as they were read out loud. An interestingly enough, there was a woman at the Santa Maria courthouse with a cage of doves. No I am not making this up. For every count that Jackson was found as 'Not Guilty', this quack of a woman released a single white dove and of course CourtTV was enthralled with her. I sat back and laughed my ass of for the sheer lunacy of this woman's self-edifying' actions. Now I think I spent too much time on this subject already, so I'm signing off.

I sit here very tired today. The drive home yesterday was long. Much longer than I had planned. I estimated I'd be home by 3:30pm or 4pm at the latest. I got home at 7:30pm, then had to unpack, and more importantly....unwind. That was really hard since I was so amped up. I think I fell asleep closer to midnight just so the alarm could go off at 6am. A few peers welcomed me back saying that I looked tired. I am. Our vacation, or get-away was good, but it could have been better. Did I mention April went with me? Well she did, and we got along really well for the most part, but being cooped up in a car all day, in the heat, and other issues can grind on any couple. No nothing bad happened...no fights...but we could have been closer....at least I would have liked it that way. A few problems:

• April gets embarrassed using the facilities around me, epecially No. 2, so I had to 'leave' our room on more than one occasion so she could feel comfortable. I think the first day she actually made herself ill over this as she complained late in the day she couldn't, no matter how hard she tried to go to the bathroom, and therefor had stomach issues.
• The hotels we stayed were all out of King sized beds, and we found it very uncomfortable to sleep together in a queen with my shoulder, and just our normal sleeping habits. We ended up sleeping in seperate beds every night just so we could be comfortable. No one's fault there....that's just the way it worked out. I ended up taking care of myself once...in the shower...because April was sound asleep and not feeling well, and of course I was in the mood in a bad way and was not gonna get any and I just knew I wasn't going to sleep at all with it on my mind.
• We had talked about 'making love' in the different cities we stayed in, but I can honestly say we only did it once. Between stomach issues with April, both of us being tired after long days of activities and sight seeing, a headache I had one day that would not leave despite chewing aspirin like Pez, and various other 'timing' issues. The one time we did do it was a bit faster than I would have liked too. I did 'notice' she packed some toys in her bag, but we never got to use them. I guess both our well intentioned plans got sidelined. I'm not mad at her or me at all. I'm just a bit dissapointed that things like intimacy took a back seat this week. I told her she 'owes' me for this, and at least I got a smile out of her. Good Lord, I feel as if we were a married couple with 5 kids and just got complacent with excuses as to why we didn't screw.
• A couple of times we got on each others nerves, but I think we can both look back and chalk it up to being tired and other things mentioned above. I thought vacations were supposed to be relaxing and fun to recharge our batteries. Well, we did have fun, just not the fun we both were thinking about. I do feel somewhat recharged, at least mentally, but now I get to go home and do a ton of laundry and chores that I neglected this past week.

CurryMan is still out, and the office is having a great time. Everyone is working so much better and the mood is joyful. I actually got a lot of work done today after being out almost a week without him hovering as is the norm.

Maybe I can coax April over tonight. I have a lot of pent up eros inside of me that I wanna take out on somebody. If she can't come over....any volunteers? I promise, any clothes I rip off of you...I will buy you new ones. I'm ready for a rough night.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Internet's primary oversight body approved a plan Wednesday to create a virtual red-light district, setting the stage for pornographic Web sites to use new addresses ending in "xxx" The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers said it would begin negotiations with ICM Registry Inc., run by British businessman Stuart Lawley, to iron out technical issues and prices for the new Web addresses. Adult-oriented sites, a $12 billion industry, probably could begin buying "xxx" addresses as early as fall or winter depending on ICM's plans, ICANN spokesman Kieran Baker said. The new pornography suffix was among 10 under consideration by the regulatory group, which also recently approved addresses ending in "jobs" and "travel." ICM contends the "xxx" Web addresses, which it plans to sell for $60 a year, will protect children from online smut if adult sites voluntarily adopt the suffix so filtering software used by families can more effectively block access to those sites. The $60 price is roughly ten times higher than prices other companies charge for dot-com names. "It will further help to protect kids," said John Morris, staff counsel at the Washington-based Center for Democracy and Technology. Morris predicted some adult sites will choose to buy "xxx" Web addresses but others will continue to use dot-com.

Musings Work has me slammed this past week, hence the lack of real substantive posts. I'm actually having to re-arrange my personal schedules to accomdate an increased work load this week and wonder how I can squeeze another hour out of a day. Because of this my physcial therapy sessions seem to have taken a back seat, and I really need to go. While my strength is indeed retrurning (I did 20 lb cables the other day, where as prior to surgery 15-20 was hurting me), my range of motion is not 100% and I am suffering from a little discomfort still....like a bruise that just won't go away. I know it's still a bit premature, but therapy at an actual Dr's. office is needed. I've been behaving pretty well otherwise...I have not attempted any traditional bench press, but hope to in about 2 more weeks. CurryMan will be out tomorrow. Yay!!!!, but he's the one that loaded me up with so much work. Me thinks this may be a test on how well I can do under pressure. Not sure. He is an enigma wrapped up in a question. I can't figure him out. April says that he is starting to 'respect' me, because I am teh one who does stand up to him whereas everyone else more or less rolls over with their tailes between their legs. Anyway..one day he actually treats me well, the next ignores me completely. Speaking of April, I think she she made a turn this past week or so on how she exprsses her sexuality. Nothing earth-shattering, but let's say her interest in being intimate has picked up a tad and has been a little more proactive on the initiating front. I'm not complaining in the least and I sure as heck don't want to jinx anything, but I wonder what happened. She was very bold over the weekend on one escapade and came over again on Tuesday with one thing on her mind...breaking some off. Hmmmmm? I am indeed puzzled at this renewed interest and hope it only gets better. Watched the Motorcyle Diaries the other night now that the T.V. season is winding down. Anyway, I LOVED it! Chastity too me to task the other day on not finishing my Sandy story. Yeah, I kinda did leave it hanging. I wanted to finish it, and still plan on it...it was just getting a bit too steamy (at least by perhaps my standards). But I'll get to it soon enough. Give a warm welcome to NB....that is SN's new baby. For all of you who know her, 'nuff said. Kat needs to be in your thoughts as well. She made a bold revelation on her Blog this past week (May 30, 2005) regarding herself and her family. My thoughts go out to her, and yes, because I am a believer, my prayers too. Kat (Beth), if you are reading this....I'm just at a loss of words right now, but I am indeed thinking of you. Haven't tried posting a pic here in a bit since 'Hello' was down. I'll try sometime next week when I have the time, and get back on the ball where I think this Blog was once was. BTW, I am going on vacation next week. So if I don't post more today or tomorrow, don't expect to see me again till late next week. I'm alive....just going to enjoy our great country for a few days. Motorcycle Diaries (and work) inspired me for my own impromptu road trip. Oh, sorry ladies, but I do love the new Paris Hilton Burger commecrial. Good Lord.