Monday, November 28, 2005

The day after. 

Solemn Musings It's been almost a week since I last wrote, and I'll catch you all up on Thanksgiving day festivities later......when I am feeling better. I received some very devestating news yesterday morning....I knew it was inevitable, but for selfish reasons I wanted it him to hang in there a little longer, just so I could see him one last time. My Uncle, who I've alluded to recently, passed on yesterday. I know this sounds strange, but I was closer to him than some of my other relatives despite the distance that seperates us. He was battling luekema for over 40 years, and decided yesterday as told to me via family he said: "I'm tired, and I want to see my mom and dad." My eyes still burn today, and I'm sure my first meeting with my new shrink later today will be interesting. The meds, not that I am advicating them at all, sorta make me feel numb, and in some ways I'm glad I'm on them. I imagine if my mind was clear and med free what this news would have done to me. I spent the day alone yesterday...I didn't want to talk to anyone in my family about it, nor do I think I want to today. I'm not sure I can explain it in words, I can't seem to find the correct words anyway right now, but a part of me will never be the same again. A small spark in my heart has been extinguished and all I can hope that my uncle is finally at peace, God knows it was well deserved, and I imagine him with all his family now and his buddies who passed before him and I hope there is a place up there that he is finally in peace and not in pain, and for the first time in over 40+ years to know what living pain free is like. I'm sorry, I have to go now.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Happy Thankgiving all.. 

Musings. Another year, another turkey, another episode of 'How the Family Turns.' Oh how I look so forward to this day with mixed emotions. I'll probably leave work early today to get a head start on relaxation. I think a trip to teh store after work may result in the purchase of Egg Nog, some gourmet cheeses, maybe a bottle of wine (I only drink on special occasions) and what ever suits my fancy. On Thanksgiving itself, I usually start the day with a nice pot of coffee, all to myself and New Orleans jazz music pumping through my house in my robe and slippers. It is the quiet before the storm. The few hours of rest and relaxation before I gussy myself up, and sit in traffic down to my families house. Sure, I look forward to see my parents, my aunt & uncle, my grandfather, my cousins and getting my drink on. It'll be a day of Jack Daniels, champagne, egg nog & brandy.....which I'm sure will go over very well with the medications I am currently on. So why do I get liquored up? Well, like most sitcoms and B-rated holiday movies, it is that time of year where I am subjected to all the family gossip, ailments, war stories of years long forgotten, opposing politics and all the typical broken record accounts. Sorta like a decade in review. It's more taxing than interesting. On the flip side, I like my mash potatoes and gravey, stuffing, and the bird. A nice salad and fresh rolls, and of course homemade pumpkin pie. I like sweet potatoes, but nt overloaded with marshmellows and brown sugar...I like them more on the natural side. It's also a time for finger foods, cheese logs and crackers, and a few Sees chocolates. This is the part I like as well. Then there is the dreaded drive back home, when the L-tryptophan is alrady put you half to sleep, and all I look forward to is a nice hot shower and going to bed. Actually, I'm looking for some female volunteers to have a nice hot shower with. I think Thanksgiving can be romantic. After a large meal, a few glasses of wine and/or champagne, I wouldn't complain if you asked to come home with me. We can start a fire in my fire place, crack one more bottle of wine then head up to the master suite where we peel off our nice clothes and step in a steamy shower where it's not so much about getting clean, as it is about touching and tasting and rubbing. Then we towel off and make it to the bed where I break out the toys, and you teach me a thing or two in regards to your past experiences. Well, here's to all you having a great weekend and holiday. Drive safe, and do me a favor, tell your parents I said "Hi"....they will ask 'Who's Nate?" and you can reply, "Just a friend I know who cares about family and sorry he couldn't make it, but wishes you teh best none-the-less." Now, anyone see my flask of Brandy I keep around here. Nothing says I can't start a little early today...

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Uniforms- On Fire! 

Musings. I'm not sure how thsi topic popped into my head today. Probably some deep rooted fantasy that crawled its way to the surface that I repressed for some stupid reason, but I wanted to write about "women in uniforms". I was gonna to go balls out and and name my 5 top fantasy uniforms with women, but after doing a brief google search and comming across some amazing pictures, I decided that I would do one at a time until I hit 5 or 6. There is no particular order to my preference in uniforms, and of course there are variations to each and every uniform out there, it's just I came across more colorful, playtime variants that the 'real deal' The first I want to talk and/or salivate over is female fire-fighters. The best example in recent history is Diane Farr (pictured above left) who played a female fire-fighter on F/X's 'Rescue Me' for the past two season's. She is now on Numb3rs, which I haven't watched at all. Anyway, not only did she have and I assume still has a killer bod, her tough-girl attitude while exhibiting a sharp wit filled out the baggy, dirty, greasy, smokey yellow uniform quite nicely. The way she carried a hose and handled an axe, the way her hair fell down from under her helmet, and most importantly the suspenders when she took her overcoat off. Add a little glistening sweat to a tone body, a few bruises from a ladder, and the way the suspenders cliung to her taut breasts (now thinking without the under shirt) just drives me up a wall. I think of those of muscles and tone body, the courage and daring spirit, the smudge of chracoal on the forehead, the boots, and I'd seriusly think of burning something up if she'd rescue me. Not only is Diane Farr just hot in general, but I think most female fire-fighters exude a level of confidence and bravado that would have me 'sprung' in no time. I'd love to peel that uniform off you, just leave the hat on, and maybe the boots and I'll do my best to start my own friction combustion across your body. Mmmmmmmm.

HNT....and the Good Ole Days 

I thought I'd contribute something else today and jump on the Half Naked Thursday bandwagon.

These pictures are from a club I used to attend when I was slightly younger and ran with, dare I day, a posse?

Yeah, the good 'ole days, when most of my male friends were single and we would dress up and go to these underground clubs at least once a month. Hey $20 cover charges, and $8 dollar drinks make for a very expensive evening. You could easily drop over $100 dollars in the first hour or two and be lucky if you just started getting a buzz.

But as time marches on, my friends got a little wiser, and a little older, and a little more tight with the cash flow. Most of male friends are no married, or have kids (I'm talking about going to these clubs 8 years ago), and honestly it doesn't look like much has changed. In perusing the website, I recognized some of those beautiful creatures I know I have shared a dance or two with, and they are still there.

I'll be honest, I miss those clubs, those nights out. The music was great, the gals were beautiful, but a lot of competition amongst the men. If you were a single girl, you had 100 guys to choose from. It was a meat market extroidinaire with illicit drugs, and I'm sure backroom sex. I came home from many of those usually broke and a horrible hangover with bar tabs in the hundreds.

I don't go anymore. It's a mixed feeling. Part of me is happy that I am much better off financially and probably healthy for not going anymore, but at the same time I miss the one night stands, (surprisingly I never picked up any diseases...but I was always careful) or any serious relationships....I don't see how you can in meat markets such at this, but the music was hot, the girls hotter and not so innocent.

The problem today is my posse is non-existant anymore. I can barely find any of my guy friends anymore who are will to pay $30-40 cover charges today and $10 drinks, and I can't say I blame them. So I am relegated to cruising the website and glancing at snapshots of parties I don't attend and derive perverted fantasies in my head of which girls I'd hit on and what their apartments and hotel rooms may look like and any toys and partners they may bring to the 'private' party which includes me. We'd have a fun few hours, and maybe I'd never see them again, or at least until the next party.

Sucks have a conscience now these days.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Now that's love.......or just Darwinism gone bad 

SAN BERNARDINO, California (AP) -- A woman says she still plans to marry the man who shot her in the groin and then held her hostage in his family's garage for six days.
Tina Marie Stebbins revealed her intentions in a letter released Monday as her boyfriend, Christian Leroy Lindblad, 37, was sentenced to 20 years in prison for shooting her in June 2002.
"I love Christian today as deeply as I loved him before this awful thing happened to us," Stebbins wrote in a victim impact statement. "We are soul mates." She added: "I want to tell you all that I have forgiven Christian. And I pray that Christian has forgiven me for failing him when he needed me most."
Lindblad and his parents tried to cover up the shooting by treating Stebbins with home remedies, according to a San Bernardino County Sheriff's report. They also threatened her young sons and her family, the report said.
Critically wounded, Stebbins was airlifted to a hospital after Lindblad mentioned the incident to a family friend who was a firefighter.
Lindblad pleaded guilty to a charge of attempted murder as his trial was about to begin in early October. He has said the shooting was an accident.
His father, Robert Leroy Lindblad, 72, pleaded guilty in 2003 to being an accessory and was sentenced to three years in prison.
His mother, Shirley Royann Samantha Lindblad, 62, was sentenced to three years probation after pleading guilty to the same charge.
Nate's Take: WTF? The whole family including should be behind bars, she should see psychiatric treatment and placed on meds, and the organization known as N.O.W. should slap her silly. You know, I really can't even come up with a good take on this. I just can't figure out why women just go insane for bad-boys. You can rationalize this all you want to me, but I'm telling you right now, I will never undertsand, so save your time and energy trying to explain this to me.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

One Day at a Time....(Queue Theme Music) 


Well, I thought today would be more like a popourri of news tid-bits. I figure, (while it may seem nice to think this way in my head) to try and take my life 'One Day at a Time' right now. Putting that in actual practice is a whole other enchilada (see I'm even friendly to our Latino community today).

Well that about sums it for now. I'm actually in a good mood today. At least right now I am.

Friday, November 11, 2005

No Dr., I am not Paying you 

Today was my initial consultation with a recommended shrink from my gernal practioner. "Oh, Dr. John Doe is very good, you'll like him.", he doted. Uh, okay. So I made this appointment a week or so back and I think I clued you all in on it. It was for today at 11am. Yesterday I even received a call from the Dr.'s office confirming I'd be there at 10:45 to fill out any paperwork. Sure, no problem. So I made it down there on time, holding up my end of the bargain and filled out the paperwork. While doing so, I noticed there were two other women in the waiting room as well. Finally at 11:00, the recptionist calls back one of the other woman for her 11:00 appointment with Dr. John Doe. WTF? I was supposed to have the 11 o'clock appointment. At around 11:25 or so, teh first woman walks out as I am reading a magazine to pass the time. I turned to the otehr woman and asked her what time her appointment was. "Eleven o'clock", she replied. Double WTF? He booked all three of us at the same time? So when the receptionist then called the second woman, I threw the magazine down demonstrating my displeasure. I asked the receptionist the time. 11:35. The second woman finally leaves and my 'new' shrink will 'now' see me. How nice of him, only one hour late from when my appointment was supposed to start. He greets me and leads me in his office and begins to talk about his rates. I honestly was appalled. Here it is, my initial visit to a new Dr. who is supposed to speak to me about depression and he has me wait outside for an hour from when he requested I show up and I made arrangements to get time off of work. He asked me how I was feeling. "I'm agitated." "Why?" I explained, and I told him for his prices that he just discussed with me, that he will now reimburse me at my going hourly rate for me taking the time off of work to sit in his lobby for an hour with my thumb up my ass as he had booked three patients at the same time. Not a good first impression doc. He apologized and then said I didn't have to pay for the sesssion at all. We talked about....NOTHING. Good thing I didn't have to pay. I'm not going back to him. And people wonder why I've been on edge lately? Mother Fucker...triple book your patients? Nice way of making your new patients feel real important. Ass.

Stef (Part II).....long awaited conclusion 

True Story Warning: Explicit content Currently Listening to: 'When you Need Somebody' by Gladeez Upon entering her master bedroom, Stef asked me to make myself comfortable on the bed. I sat on the edge as she went around and cracked a window to let in some cool air. She began to tidy up a bit....like I really cared at this point what clothes were on the floor, or what paper may or may not be out of place. She walked about her bedroom and lit a candle as we were both speechless. I think I was more looking about the room, soaking in the environment, taking mental snapshots of pitcures on the wall, knick-knacks and what-not as Stef made her way to her walk in closet. She emerged a few minutes later wearing sweat pants that tied up front and a comfortable T-shirt. She joined me on the bed and few words were exchanged. Instead, she climbed on top of me, pushing me down onto her queen sized quilt and we began a torrid make-out session. It got a little messy with kissing ending up on the mouth, the cheeks, the ear, the neck, the crown of the head....the whole time our hands wandering over each other clothes. As I continue to lay down on the bed, she puched herself to stradle my waist and bgan to unbutton my shirt. It was an awesome feeling. Looking up at someone, who was looking down at me with a mischievious smirk on their face as they undid one button at a time to expose my chest and then run her nails over my bare skin. Mixed with the cool air coming in from the window, goosebumps had risen and I could feel all my muscles begin to relax. Stef began to kiss my chest, spending equal time amongst each pectoral and encircling my own nipples with her tongue, allowing the cool air to make them hard with her wet salavia. She began a slow decsent towards mty pants and unbuttoned them just as deftly as she had my shirt. Not wasting any time, she tugged them down just enough and reached into my boxers to pull out my swollen member and engulf it. At this point, it had been a while since I had received some nice head and I wanted to savor every moment of it. I had to ask Stef to slow down a bit just so I wouldn't climax to early in our evening. I closed my eyes and breathed slowly through my nose, my mouth pursed in ectasy as I continued to lay there and take in every detail of her technique. Finally I wanted my turn, and without warning I grabbed her forcefully and flipped her around on her bed on her back. I assumed a smiliar position, but moved both of her legs, bent up at the knee on either side of me kneeling between her. Stef grabbed a pillow and placed it behind her head never once letting her eyes leave mine. I reached for the drawstrings on her sweat bottoms and began to slowly pull the knot apart with one hand, as I massaged her sex through the material with my other. Her hips slowly gyrated and pushed up into my hand and her facial expressions turned from innocent girl to slut, and I loved it. With her drawstrings now undone, I didn't just tug them down, I pulled them all the way off to expose her nakedness from the waist down. The first thing I niticed here was she had a beautifully trimmed manicure down there. More than just a strip, more like an upside triangle, but tight and even. I ran a free hand over her soft fur and felt the heat emmanating from between her legs. I played with her button, once I found it with my thumb, and occassionaly teased her, by inserting my thumb past the first knuckle. This illicited gasps of breath from Stef and some mild dirty talk. Oh, anyone who can start with a little dirty talk really gets me going, and I am prediciting a fun evening. I then leaned down further and applied my own oral techniques to her unfolding petals. Moist was not the word to describe her response. I began to chew and suck and tease and tickle everyway I knew how and loved the fact that Stef made noises like a porn star. A far cry from my previous girlfriend. Then the phone rang. Uh.....what do I do? Stop? Is Stef gonna get up and get it? No, she told me to continue but it was odd, because after the fourth ring the answering machine (which is in the kitchen) picked up and I heard a man's voice who I'd later learn was Kevin. A former flame? Kevin was wondering if Stef was home and rambled on for a few minutes and asked her to call later. It was already late, so my spider-sense began to tingle. The only time a guy calls on a week night at this time in the evening is not for idle chit-chat. File this in the back of my head for furture conversation and/or questioning. I finally brought her to her first orgasm that evening and she asked me to climb up top and lay next to her for a few minutes as she recovered. We stared at the ceiling together, both catching our composure and breath. I'm not sure how much time passed, but we shared some idle talk, the whole time I avoided the whole answering machine thing. After a few more minutes Stef leaned over onto me and asked if I had a condom. No I did not. So she got up and walked back into her closet and rummaged around for a minute or so, I guess reaching into her stash. I'm glad she had one, don't get me wrong, but I found it odd that she had a 'stash'. Hmmmm......maybe I'm not the only suitor? I'll admit the thought did go through my head. Stef jumped back onto the bed, opened the package, and unrolled it onto me. Without saying much, she slimbed on top, and using her hand she guided my covered jimmy inside her and began to ride away. Despite the now two previous 'yellow' flags I received within the last 1/2 hour, it was soon forgotten (for the time being) as Stefs audible moans and dirty talsk filled my ears as she bucked down onto my pelvis. I grabbed her naked hips and aided in the force of the slams into me until I felt the build within myself. I stopped her and she understood why. This was also the perfect opportunity to switch positions, and I had Stef turn around and get up on all fours and grab her brass headboard with her hands. But before I did that, I had pulled off her T-shirt as well and played with her breasts for a few minutes as well, buying time for me to settle down a bit. Once I figured it was safe for me to go again, I positioned her into the classic doggie stance and entered her. Taking Blonde's advice, I began to spank, and not lightly mind you, but not hard enough to cause bodily injury. Enough to let her know I am playing a little rough here and to leave some welts. I even pulled a little hair that had cascaded down her back. Finally with force, I came, and came hard finsihing with repeated thrusting motions, enough so that my own hips ached. After I disengaged, Stef rolled over onto her back with a smile as I made myself to her restroom to dispose of the condom and wash up a bit. I returned to her arms moments later and we kissed again and I could feel the wetness between her legs on my thigh. Stef manuevered down once more, and even though I was now somewhat flacid, licked me up and down one last time saying she wanted to taste not only me, but her as well. Now that's fricken hot to me. Being a worknight and realizing it was now after midnight, I began to get dressed, when the phoen rang again. Same dude left a message and Stef gave me a blank stare and said we can talk about it tomorrow. She led me to the door after I was dressed and she was still naked and kissed me on the way out. I wasn't sure if I was stoked or not. In one aspect I had a wonderful evening of bliss, but who was this mysterious caller that called twice in once evening looking for Stef, and Stef avoided the whole topic. Hmmmmm....somthing to chew on.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Nathan Jones and the Temple of Curry 

Can it be? Can it actually be?

Can our young, charming, sexually active, and cynical (and recent headcase) blogger escape the clutches of CurryMan?

It may turn out that way! In what has been rumored for months with no real signs of actually comming to fruition may have gotten a large kick in the arse today for Nathan's escape to freedom. Real freedom.

But our hapless hero must endure a few more months, due to two high profile projects he is working on that is being overseen by our despised 'soul eater'.

It was announced today in a meeting that consisted of 30+ employees that make up some of our overlapping departments (in which I am part of one of those), will most likely be transitioning to a new manager.

There are some mixed blessings and feelings about this from yours truly, but I hope this may indeed be a step, a much needed step in my possible recovery of becomming happy and giddy once more.

On the positive side, this means that at least 5 of us will soon no longer be reporting to CurryMan, but must work with him until the transition is complete, and may be tapped on the shoulder to work with him on 'future projects', but hopefully that doesn't mean permanent.

With fedora cocked, and whip ready, I am looking forward to making the jump across the gator filled chasm to the other side. The transition won't be smooth, and there may be some hair raising antics along the way, but there is light at the end of this tunnel, and I can see the final credits winding down on this set.

Now the bad: While there may be a day indeed within a few weeks or even slightly longer when this transition is complete, there will be a vying for political power and manipulation. One that CurryMan excels at, and is a force to be reckoned with. He has definently been trained in the ways of the Sith.

Knowing that he is losing some people, namely me as one of his strongest advasaries makes our consolidation of powers unique. I'm sure that as I begin to transition over, he will take advantage of me not 'watching over him' as a bid to push more bullshit through the system, or fly things under the radar which I may pay for longer down the road. So I am on tacticle alert, or have to be, noting every nuiance between now and then, and even thereafter to make sure CurryMan doesn't pull the wool over everyone's eyes like he has attempted before.

Sometimes I have caught him, and sometimes I have not. It should be interesting to see how this plays out over the next few weeks, but more importantly than anything else, this may be a HUGE turning point in my daily stress routines, and may ultimately help me recover to the person I once was.

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Death and sadness and crap 

Life and Musings. On to other news: Life is crap right now. My great uncle has been only given days to lives, if that, and I am majorily in the dumps over it. The last few days I have spent a lot of moments secretly and not so secretly crying about it. I'm not ashamed at all what people think of me. I was actually at the gym last night doing triceps, and I began to break down and left. I don't do well with death. Especially with someone whom I am very close too. He is and always will be my favorite uncle. I could go on and on about the virtues of this man, the second closest figure in my life next to my step grandfather who died back in 1985. The kind of man that the world is now not a better place after he departs. But I understand the pain he suffers and the release he requests. But I'm selfish and look to him as not just my relative, but my sage, my buddy, an extension of my soul. And soon he will depart me for a painfree life with God. But thatdoesn't make it easy for me. Not at all. I spoke with him briefly this morning in the hospital. All I could manage between chokes and trying to gain my composure is that I love him, and I really wanted him to know that. He wanted to say "Be Good, and Goodbye" to me. I won't make it in time to fly across country to say my goodbyes in person. For all I know I could get a call in an hour, or by the end of the day saying its over. Then I am sure I will cry some more. Even teh medications I'm on right now are not helping me at this moment. Today I see a professional shrink at 1pm to try and make sense on how my life seemed to have spun out of control these last few months. No, I have no suicidal thoughts. But a person can only handle so much pressure and bad news, and believe me, my life this last 6 months has been one emotional beat down after another. I have my physical strength, my looks, my humor, but sometimes that's not enough. Thank God I do believe in God, and putting my desires aside, without faith, I'm not sure where I'd be right now. I will say I do not like the place I am at currently. It has nothing to do with sex or being in a relationship either. I can seperate that out when I want to. I just feel like I am surrounded, constantly, by depressions, and others feed it to me like a fetid disease that is festeriung in my brain and heart. I know I am smarter than all of this. Don't think I don't wonder how I have allowed this to get the better part of me. That's why I've been quiet lately. I recognize it's not the page you once read. Hopefully I will return to that Nate soon enough....but I think you needed an explanation as to why I've been relatively quiet. Stef is being patient right now and even April has called me up to see how I am and to tell me she misses me. I must go know as I find myself rambling, and need to clear my head. Thank you all, and remember, I am not going away, I just need to get over this inevitable hump that will happen any hour or day now. The worst is yet to come before it can get better.

Panthers caught having sex. 

True Story out of Tampa: Panther Cheerleaders caught in tryst in bar room stall. I'll be honest, I'd buy that magazine.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

10 hour days. 

I'm freaking exhausted. I have pulled some mad hours the last few days and just getting hammered here at work, so this is just a quick and brief update. Hoepfully my normal posting will return soon.

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