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Monday, January 24, 2005

Random Thoughts 

Random Musings Even as I sit and type this, I don't have a single subject that really strikes me, well...one at least I want to go into detail about. Probably because it's already near the end of my day and I'm mentally tired and just in a 'blah' mood. Just some random things really:

Friday, January 21, 2005

A picture is worth a thousand thoughts.... 

Mothra has a snack Posted by Hello MMmmmmmm.....is the first thought that comes to my mind. Anyone who knows me long enough knows I have certain *ahem* weaknesses for denim jeans and tans. Here I get the both, with a little bonus...mystery. Mystery in as what the hell happened to those jeans? Run in with Freddy Krueger? Picked up at a White Snake garage sale? Never operated a weed-whacker before? Time for a new washer? Moth-balls for the closet? Who the hell knows?....but at the end of the day it still all comes back to... MMMmmmmmm... Queue up Love Is a Battelfield - Pat Benetar. Nice slender brunette gazing over her shoulder at me with a stoic yet pouty stare. Positioned in such a way as to give the illusion she was working at some random worksite all alone. Jeans torn gives the illusion that she has worked hard, not afraid to get her hands dirty in a man's world. So hot outside, that she had to lose her shirt to cool off. The next thought in my train of logic is that she has worked up quite a sweat. Her skin glistening with beads of perspiration as they roll down the small of her back and pepper her cleavage. She needs my help to push this empty, rustic, garbage bin just a little bit further. I have to get close to her to do this. Perhaps, just behind her, placing my hands on the sun heated steel just next to hers. My chest grazes the back of her shoulders. Her scent fills my nostrils. I hear her labored breath. I notice her muscles get taut and strain under her exertion as she attempts another push. She needs to re-position her hands for better leverage, and they touch mine. Neither of us move away or seem to notice. I dig my boots into the ground for good footing, and as a result my lower torso bumps into her rump. She doesn't move again or say anything. With both our efforts, we are able to move the bin a few inches at a time forward. I smile as I look at her rear in full view as her legs extend in effort and slight feminine grunts escape her lips. When we are done, satisfied with our work, she turns and leans against the container exhausted and relaxed, chest heaving trying to regain her breath. She lifts the back of one hand to wipe her brow of sweat and clear some of the hair out of her face. She smiles and thanks me. Tells me that she is the foreman on this job (yeah, it is my fantasy, and she is the foreman okay) and wants to know if I'd like to share a beer with her back at her trailer on the other side of the lot. I ponder this for a second, perhaps I need to get back to work? She continues by saying with a devious grin and a hint in her eye that she needs to get out of these sweaty, dirty clothes anyway. I need no further convincing, and we head off across the dusty construction lot to the little trailer on stilts in the background.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

You just can't write this crap.. 

Literally. Taken from Rueters news source: BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Antwerp will dim the bright new lights along the Belgian port city's waterfront after prostitutes complained they were putting off potential clients. "We had some remarks from the prostitutes that there was too much light, both for them and the clients," city council spokesman Jorn Verbeeck said. "We are investigating the possibility of lowering the light there." Prostitutes complained to city and police officials that the lights installed in December did not give them enough privacy and hurt business, he said. The port, which tolerates prostitutes in a select few streets near the waterfront, will next week test an electric system to dim the lights, Verbeeck said. If the test gets the thumbs-up from the city's sex workers, the system will be rolled out across the red light district.

And then there's.... 

This.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

An Average Loser 

Musings Post Attmept: 2 (damn I hate when you type something, then blogger craps out on ya) 'T', whoever he/she is, suggested I look into 'Earth Linger' as a sexy song. I've never heard of that song, but I do plan on looking for it. I know I've been been bad on the song update thing...I either forget, and/or still looking to covert certain songs to the appropriate format. Another crazy story from Barbie today. I'm not sure if I'm jealous of her 'action' she gets, or worry about her, but needless to say she always has something interesting to say. Oh, did I mention Justin and Heidi have their own wedding site now? The good news is they apparantly registered at Target....now I have a reason to buy the something from aisle 8. And apprantly I just about an average loser: I am 59% loser. What about you? Click here to find out! I wonder how I would have scored if I answer this quiz 10 years ago when I was in college. I suspect a different result as some of my answers would be different. BTW, I stole this quiz from Chastity.

Kung Fu Fighting and....Chickens? 

Musings Thank you all so much for the kind words regarding my insomnia. I have battled insomnia for about 15 plus years and I can even remember being a child having a difficult time sleeping at times. I understand that standing illnesses, that lack of sleep is nothing compared to diabetes or cancer, or whatever, but it still can make for a miserable life at times. Directly you make yourself stir crazy, and there's a point during the night when getting some shut-eye turns into an obsession, and you look for anything to knock you out. Why? Not only for the loneliness of the quiet night, but you know that the next day you will perform sub-par not to mention mood swings. That's maybe why I've always done well as a loaner in the morning. Until I feel refreshed, awake, and have my coffee, I am not a morning person when it comes to conversation. I've been known to be sarcastic, direct and to the point, not one to mince words, or hang around for morning niceties. Anyway, when I got home Monday night (since I ditched the gym) I had a Pepsi. April called and suggested I take a nap, but I know myself. Yes, I could have crashed right then and there, but also knowing that in the back of my head I'd be awake again at like 11pm and possibly face another miserable day, I forced myself to stay awake until around 10-10:30. One of the last things I was watching as I was channel surfing was seeing HHH from WWE's RAW on an interview. When my head finally hit the pillow, I must have been out within minutes. Then the oddball happened. I swear to you on anything Holy, I have no idea where my subconscious had taken a field trip to earlier in the day without asking permission, but I had numerous, separate dreams about.....Chickens. Chickens as pets, raising chickens, cartoon chickens, cooking chickens, chickens in the background. Not one exact dream stands out, other than the secret theme for the night was particularly poultry. Now for my Kung Fu moment: During one of the aforementioned dreams regarding our feathered friends, I did have a very memorable moment. For some reason (again, with chickens in the background) I found myself facing HHH, one-on-one in some outside garden temple courtyard, very much like you would see in some 'B' martial arts movie at 2:00am. HHH and I began to trade blows and moves, and finally during the climax of our battle I went for some stunning flying kick.... ...And.... ...I kicked so hard, and it was so real that I literally awoke myself up when my real flesh and blood leg was restrained about 3 feet of my bed straight up by the weight of my sheets and comforter. Yes......I acted out my dream, for real in my sleep, and had landed a fatal blow to my sheets that they will never forget. Imagine my chagrin as my mind began to wake up and realized what just happened. Good thing April (or anybody else for that matter) was not in bed with me, lest they think I was about to kill them.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Sleepless and Delerious 

Darth Tater Posted by Hello My God, I have a problem that continously plagues me as of late: Insomnia. I'm not sure why I suffer from this. It's cyclical and random. There will be times when I am not bothered at all. Then there are other times where I suffer a few days in a row, perhaps getting as little as 3-4 hours a sleep a day. I don't know why. And I hate it. I have tried artificial environment sound makers, sleeping pills, Melatonin, warm milk, calming teas, aromatherapy, counting sheep, hard exercise, and liquor. Somethings work better than others, but no discernable hands-down cure all. I never was one to sleep in like other people can or choose to do. I can even say at times I am jealous by those who can 'nap' at will, because I can't. As a matter of fact, at times I take extreme measures to ensure I will not nap during the day for the pure fear I will not be visted by Mr. Sandman in the evening. I know I have a lot on my mind, but nothing that I can deem so drastic to gnaw away at my psyche thus interfering with blissful slumber. Last night was one of those nights. I went to bed at 10 and watched TV until sometime after 11. I tried sleeping on my right, then my left, then numerous rolls and configurations of the pillow. It was now midnight. I turned on talk radio to listen to Coast To Coast AM. At 1am I tried the couch and by 1:15 I was staring out my front window pissed at teh silence and dark windows of my neighbors. At 2am I decided to take a Tylenol PM, and then count the minutes before it too effect. Then something strange happened...one I wish I could explain asif something triggered a memory of mine, but I can't....even now. I laid in bed thinking about some girl I dated back when I was 17 and she was 17 as well. And that she was a cheerleader from another school, and that we had a date that I anticipated a lot on, and though nothing spectacular happened, I had the worst case of blue balls I could ever remember. Wierd. It's 2:30am, and I'm thinking about a pair of blue balls I had when I was 17, and how much pain I was in (which lucky for you...will turn into an entry here shortly). The last I rememember was that is was 2:45 this morning, and then suddenly it was 6:28 and I had to get up and get ready for work. I sit before you a mindless blob of jelly. It is by sheer will I am forming complete sentenences at this time, and I am having my peers either talk slow or repeat themselves to me as so the words can sink in and be processed. I find everything amusing at this point, or just don't have the energy to really make an conducive contribution to society today. My eyes are bobbing around the office unable to focus on any one thing relevant. It's a wasted day and I know it. I am going through the motions right now of life. I am trying to fake out my co-workers. Some of them know I didn't sleep, the others are struggling with my oral thoughts, just as much as it is taking me for ever to write this entry, correcting every other word for spelling, or making sense. Then I came across the dreaded Darth Tater above, and I can't stop laughing. I must have this gem from Hasbro. I also need a padded cell right now, some Ripple, and an old 45 record player that will play me the Sesame Street theme song, and have an exestential debate with a midget the reasonings of platform shoes for fashion.

Friday, January 14, 2005

The Kiss 

The Kiss Posted by Hello Earlier in the day all I could think about was finsihing my homework, going to the gym for a quick workout, having a small bite to eat, and getting ready for the party. 'The' party. Everyone on campus had pretty much known about it. It had not only been the topic of conversation amongst my closest friends, but seemed to have permeated the winds of speech as I made my way through the quad from one class to the next. It was 'Rush' week afterall, and one of the larger fraternities was known to throwing quite a bash. We were all looking forward to it, and it always surprised me that the college seemed to look the other way. What could they do? By most standards our local police force was small and the party would indeed take place off campus, and being a rural area the resources just weren't there to patrol. It took me a while to primp. I paid extra attention to shaving, even using a new razor. I styled my hair, brushed my teeth, used my mouthwash, and agonized over an outfit that would impress you. I wanted you to notice me, to look good for you, to smell good. I broke out the cologne I only wore for big events. A bit behind the ears, a bit slapped on the neck, even a spritz on my chest. We arrived at the party seperately as I was to pick up some of my buds who didn't have a car, and I was feeling a bit anxious as my friends were stalling around as usual. Finally, with the crew together, I made my way through the curvey hills, listening to Depeche Mode, trying to make up lost time by pushing the speed limit where applicable. The amount of cars in the adjacant field were an indication on just how big the party was to be, and as we stepped out and made our way to the two story farm house, the music thumped and the 'whooting' and 'hollering' became louder. Already beer cans and cigarette butts littered the front walkway and yard, and people could be seen at almost every inch congergating about. I opened the front door and stepped in. The heat and humidity from too many people crowded inside made quite an impact from the cool air outside. I saw you once way across the room, but packed like sardines it was going to be quite an effort to make my way to that end of the house. Besides, the keg was to my right and already those that recognized me were already calling me over to pour me a drink, no doubt something cheap and with a lot of head. It seemed no one ever knew how to tap a keg properly at most of these parties, and endless cups of foam ended up being poured outside the window. Anyway, you made eye contact with me, only briefly as I could see you must have been with your girlfriends as well. They were talking to you and you were trying to pay attention to them over the noise, the chaos, and the wall of bodies. AllI could see was those dark eyes across the room, and you tried to hold my gaze for a second and smiled, but again you were being pulled back into your conversation with your friends. I too ended up losing sight of you as my own immediate space was invaded with drunks slurring their words to me, trying to be funny and having a good time. I mingled about the keg for a while, knowing that if I wanted to have anymore beer after my initial cup, I'd have to hang right here for a bit. As time passed, I managed to get a decent buzz, but after a considerable amount of time, I realized I seemed to be sweating just standing still. I needed some cool air. As I turned this way and that way, I managed to squeeze one foot at a time towards the side door. A brief stream of cool air coming from the open door was like the light at the end of the tunnel. Finally outside, I allowed my body to relax and take in the falling outside temperature. With cup in hand, I made my way to the back yard, if that's what you can call it, and found a place against the wooden fence where I could lean up against and look back and take in the crowd and music. Saw a few of my friends, a few classmates, a few others who introduced me to so and so, who I knew I'd forget by Monday anyways. All in all, the party was in full swing and it didn't seem as if it was going to let up anytime soon. As I was sharing in a joke with a small group of people who had gathered about in a corner in the yard, I didn't notice that you were standing to my right. Between the smells of pot, cigarettes, booze, damp grass, I did manage to pick up a powerful sweet smell at one point. It was only when everyone was laughing at the punch line did I turn and see you next to me, laughing just as hard and realized it was your perfume. I smiled at you and you returned the smile and offered to pour some of your full beer into my dwindling cup. I accepted and saw your friends surrounding you as well. It's then when I was keeping my cup steady and you pouring your beer into mine did I really take in your outfit. Those denim jeans, slightly faded, were painted on, and those black boots gave you a boost of 2 or 3 inches. The excess length of your belt dangled very sexily off your right thigh and gave me a reason to stare at your bare belly-button ordained with a small piece of jewelry. The way that generic cotton sweater covered your arms and only revealed your plunging neckline top protected you from goosebumps against the cool night time air. Your fingers were ordained with costume jewelry, silver or pewter in nature....it was the rage at the time, the hip MTV thing to do. Your brunette hair cascaded down to your shoulders and framed your olive complected face. Your brown doe eyes and sculpted eyebrows looked back at me and as I thanked you once again, your replying smile revealed those equisite white teeth. But it really was the smell that pushed me over the threshold to the melting point. The perfume, and to this day, I don't know what is was very inviting, mysterious, and sexy. How come I never noticed your perfume before? As a matter of fact, why hadn't I noticed that outfit before tonight? Surely I thought I knew your whole wardrobe at this point. We began talking. All of us, and time passed just like it always has and always will. Finally you mentioned it was cold and suggested that we went inside for a bit to warm up. Before I could even reply, your hand reached for mine and our fingers interlocked, you leading the charge to the glass sliding door of the house, with me trailing behind holding my cup up high as not to spill anything. Once inside you led me to the staircase and we climbed about half the way up, you one step higher than me, and we leaned over the rail to watch the crowd dance below. I'm not sure what prompted your next move, but you leaned over and rested your chin on my shoulder gazing down below. Next, I felt the unmistakable striations of your teeth nibbling very slowly at my earlobe and doused with the hint of your hot breath escaping your lips sending shivers down one side of my body. My eyes relaxed and seemed to briefly roll up into my head. Wow, I never knew you were into public displays of affection. I turned to face you and before I could even muster a word, your arms were wrapped around my neck, your eyes closed, head tilted slighty, your mouth parting searching for mine. Our lips pressed together slowly at first, but a constant pressure would not break the seal. My one free hand found its way around your waist, my pinky feeling the texture of a lace panty underneath the waistband of your pants, the other four fingers resting gently yet firmly of your very warm skin. The smell of your perfume and hair was intoxicating, something that I would treasure forever. Our tongues probed, swirled and danced in each others mouths. Time stood still. The taste of your breath with a hint of beer and lip gloss took over my senses as the music and yelping of the crowd seemed to fade away into nothingness. Our kiss continued, our bodies now purposely leaning into each other. Sometimes it slowed to a soft touch, then would gain speed like a snowball rolling down a hill. At times, your hair would find its way between our mouths, and you'd giggle slightly and pull it away. Your arms seemed like a playful vice grip around my neck, and finally you let them go. You let your arms drop slightly to wrap around my back as your wet mouth and slick lips found its way to my chin, and then my open neck where you seemed to allow an erotic ballet play out on my exposed skin, and I was wondering if this was just the opening act. I breathed in deeply through my nose, my nostrils flaring, my eyes closed, my chest expanding. What has gotten into you? This has never happened before? Finally, you slowly part from me, just enough to look back at me with a penetrating smile and stare that reaches right down into me and stirs my loins. You whisper to me softly "MMmmm, that was nice. I've been wanting to do that all night." "I'm glad you did." "By the way...," she continued, her eyes darting back and forth into mine, searching..."What is your name?" "Oh, right. Um, Nate..... It's Nathan", I replied. "Hmmmm.....I like that. Nice to meet you Nathan." "Likewise." And the party continued......

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Checking In 

Man, it's been at least 6 days since my last post and I feel remiss. My work load has been so busy, I'm finding it hard to grab a few minutes to sit and blog. Some highlights I'll try and expound on later:
  1. Got me some two days in a row with April.
  2. She still is smoke free.
  3. Diet is really working me over....Constant light headed feeling the last 4 days. Carb withdrawl? Sugar withdrawl? Alcohol withdrawl?
  4. I have had one beer in the last 12 days. Yes, that's it.
  5. Work is just piling on as of late. This week has gone by fast, but Friday can't come soon enough. Numerous high profile projetcs I'm working on that CurryMan and I are sparring over on who gets credit. Dang, he is a master of manipulation and selective hearing/information....of course, all in his favor. I have to really keep my eyes and ears opened, and thank goodness I have a certain repoir with people that keep me abreast of things, so I know things he doesn't think I know. It's a huge power game to him right now.
  6. Lingerie for April has yet to arrive. :(

Friday, January 07, 2005

A response to Felix 

Response/Politics I received a comment based upon my last post about monies spent on Tsunami relief. Kind reader Felix posted this: have you ever thought about the fact, that people from european countries give money too, not only the government? germany for example: a country of 80mio people gives 200mio euros (about 280mio us$), the german government gives another 500mio (700mio us$). a country like switzerland (population of 7mio) gave 100 mio us$ - common people giving money, not hiding behind a government who doesn't pay their legal debthof annual fees to the UN. which adds up to some billions now...just my 2 cents. felix I first want to thank Felix for writing and giving me his $.02, and want a chance to clarify my staements or sentiments. Response: Felix, Absolutely, I know that other foreign countries give money (as they can afford) and relief in other means (food, medicine, social care, etc.) and I'm happy they do contribute, down to the individual people who have little to begin with anyway. More power to them and the global community. My discontent arises from the fact that many countries that may be more socially liberal than the United States can get on the TV or Internet or Radio (or other means) and lambast the United States for 'supposedly' sticking our noses in somewhere where it doesn't belong in other world affairs...... Then when the shit hits the fan, a minority of certain governmental reprentatives will be the first to look at the US and request (or politely demand) that because we are a Superpower and a wealthy nation, it is our obligation to 'pony' up the cash. I think most Americans, despite our own internal struggles, recognize that when the world needs help, we will be there for them in anyway that we can. Just because George Bush wasn't on the television 10 minutes after the disaster, or until we knew exactly what the overall devestation was, seems a little premature for our government to start throwing out monetary amounts on our end, or being told that we weren't reacting fast enough by certain other global parties. I know some people don't agree with our stance in Iraq right now (and that's fine), but we are indeed paying for a war right now, internal security (only because our own social policies have been laughable and need to be fixed), and believe me the amount of money we spend on illegal immigration issues. Part of my paycheck every other week gets deducted because someone has decided that my money needs to pay for that illegal immigrant and his 9 children to live here and go to our schools, drive our highways, get free medical care, and no insurance. Because their own home government has failed them and look blindly to the US to take care of them (Mexico is a prime example...ask anyone living in So. CA, Texas, Arizona, or New Mexico how they feel about immigration and taxes they pay). To see how ludicrous Mexico's attitude is, you need to read this story. Instead of fixing their own corrupt government and taking care of their own people, they distribute COMIC BOOKS on situations to expect when going to the U.S. illegally....That's fucking nuts! Why is it my obligation and not Vicente Fox's? I think the United States has done a fantastic job throughout history of helping nations and also forgiving trillions of dollars of debt (look at many of the South American countries that we have wrote off debt we knew would never be paid back), as have other nations as well (i'm not that ignorant). Even our enemies, we eventually give money to. However, the U.S. seems to be constantly critized no matter what we do. There isn't a day in news I can watch were somebody, somewhere else is pissed off at us for one reason or another. The attitude that because we are a wealthy nation, that it is somehow our 'obligation' to burden our 'fair share' is an insult and ludicrous. We give money because we can, we help our fellow man because we can and want to, we have compassion for man because God designed us to....not because some shmuck from the U.N. (which by the way the U.S. is the largest supporter of) says that the U.S. is being stingy. The audacity of those comments offended many of us. If we gave $100M, someone would eventually say "Why not $110?"...Then if we were to give $250, they want to know why it's not $300. Oh, wait.....that did happen....last week. Drives me insane. Felix, if it were up to me, we would have pulled out of the U.N. years ago when it became as in-efficient as it now and tell them to set up shop elsewhere, or take the stance we pay only what we contribute not a blank check. And our 'legal debt of annual fees'? My God, do you know how much we give them every year and how little say we have? Why is the United States, the boon of many world attitudes, the only one that gets called to the mat? Why isn't the UN or EU asking more lumber from Canada? And if it's not money, why not ask China for manpower, they have one of the largest civil services in the world? Why not ask Mexico for ships? Why not ask Spain for food? Felix, perhaps my comments are indeed unfair, and perhaps I need to re-examine my stance. However, my stance as it stands now is that we Americans are viewed only as friends if they need something from us, otherwise we Americans are ignorant, haughty, know-it-alls who don't have as much culture or as civilized as others, and it's our fault that terrorism exists because of our religious freedoms and dogma. It comes from watching asses on television who have said George Bush hasn't done enough, or that in the early days of the disaster we were acting "as neighbors should". But again, I thank you for the stimulating discussion and taking the time to address me. I really do appreciate it.

Before & After. 

Check this crazy picture out. Oh, and yet here's another story that on top of the $350M+ the United States has already committed to, the Pentagon is spending $6M a day additionally on Tsunami relief missions. And then there's this and this. So to you other criticizers (EU and UN): Shut The Fuck Up Posted by Hello

MP3, where are't thou? 

Musing. I never really realized on how much I like the fact I have an MP3 player until it appears to have gone missing. Perhaps it felt unloved and sprouted Transformer like legs and ran off with a an attractive stapler, perhaps I really am losing my mind and misplaced it in such a manner that it wouldn't even make sense to God why I put it there seperated from it's headphones and normal resting place for the past two years, or finally (play ominous music...Dum Dum DUM....)it was stolen. Now I'm not gonna freak out and blame the world....just yet...because I have been known to misplace things on occassion. However, the last time I used it was was the other day at the gym. It's usual resting place is in my gym bag attached to my headphones, and the only time it leaves said bag is when I upload/download new songs, or when I am actually working out. Since I did have it in my possession a few days ago at the gym, I assumed it was still in my gym bag. Last night when I went to the gym, I opened my bag, and looked...and saw my headphones...not attached to player. As if closing teh bag and re-opening it would make it magically re-appear, I used those strange unexplainable actions of looking over, and over, and over in my bag. As if by staring at the same compartment 5 times ina row would change anything. Needless to say I then proceded to tear my car apart (back seats, underseats, glove box), then my house. No luck. Why would my headphones be there and not my player? Well....I do keep it in my bag usually in an un-locked locker. My guess it was kid-napped. I can't blame the thief 100% if they did indeed take it. If anyone saw me work out at the gym, they would deperately want to know what personal soundtrack I was listening to to improve their bodies like I have done mine. What a surprise it must be when they hear Euro-dance, angry rap, and the theme song to I Dream of Jeannie....yes, I Dream of Jeannie, oh and the 1965 classic Lost In Space intro. So now I am on a quest to buy a new player. I am staying away from iRiver and Ipod's...Ipod's are over priced and limited formating, same with iRiver in the sense it has limited formats. I figure the way to go is Dell or Creative, but I can't decide the recording media and storage size: Flash Media cards or hard drive. Both have pro's and cons. Media cards are cheaper and have no moving parts that wear down and are easily swapable, but limited to a 1GB size. Hard drives, can store 5, 20, 30+ GB's, are slightly larger in size, and because there are moving parts, can wear out easier than flash cards over time. Decisions....Decisions.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Thinking of April 

My Gift to April Posted by Hello No, this isn't April. Though I wish the tan were. The reason for this afternoon's entry has a couple of things going for it:
  1. April had a very tough yesterday...very. I am so proud of her not smoking, but realize I probably haven't told her enough just how much I recognize this huge step for her (and for me), and that I support her fully on this. I believe it is the 1st step in re-building her self-image and self-esteem.
  2. I'm not 100% sure what happened yesterday, (though I have a good idea); but as I have alluded to before, April has had some self-image concerns as of late in regards to her weight fluctuations. Mind you, she is not fat, not by a long shot....but she has allowed herself to gain a dress size (perhaps 2) since we began dating. Looking at old pictures of herself makes her silent, and baggy clothes or less-stylish/sexy clothes have been the norm as of late. Gone are the days of our early dating when sexy lingerie was common, or even theme clothing...like the once naughty Catholic schoolgilr she wore once for me. Anyway, she was in a very depressed mood....on the verge of tears almost all day long.
  3. She came over last night and while she was receptive to having sex, my prior boyish expectations were cooled down a bit when it appeared to be the same vanilla attitude towards it as it has been of late. Again, it's hard for me to be really into it, if you aren't. And I know April wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, but being in the dumps really affected her mood. Afterwards I caught her holding back tears. Suddenly scared that something was wrong with us, I quickly called her on it. She turned to me and said she felt fat and unatractive and was scared of losing me. I must have sat quiet for a second trying to digest what she had just said and also thinking of a way to be honest with her without hurting her feelings. The truth is, I have been a bit disapointed lately, and I told her the power of change was in her hands. She had already done a great job with the smoking, and that's a step in the right direction. But that's only the beginning. Slef image doesn't clear up over night. As gentle as I could, I explained that I did miss the days of when we first started seeing each other, but also explained if I didn't care at all, I could have left weeks if not months ago and return to my former (and sometimes missed) playboy days. I told her that is why I agreed to diet with her, to walk with her, not someone else. And I truly believe in my heart if that she stuck with a diet for more than 1-2 weeks as has been the norm, that as soon as she lost a few lbs, and people started to comment on it that her self-image would improve. And when her self image improves, so will her ego, and her currently misplaced attitude about her own sexiness. I figure if she can get back down at least one dress size, that she would be happy with herself, and if she is happy with herself, she'll try harder for herself and her natural desires to be intimate will creep back to the surface.
  4. And since I have taken a vow as part of my resolution to help build her up, I went to Victoria Secrets online and came across the pictured panty. My goodness, look at that picture (sans the model even). That panty, or lack of one for that matter, just look absolutely hot. I guarantee-damn-tee, if one of you allowed me to strip down your denim pants and revealed that to me as a surprise, you'd have to coax me with buffalo wings and beer to get me too look up after I went down on you...becuase I'm telling you this....I'd be down there for a long time moving that material from one side to the other, first with one hand, then the other, and I'd need a towel to wipe up all the saliva I'd leave dripping down my chin and your legs. So hence, a gift for April....hope it comes soon.

Heidi....and other shout outs 

Shout Outs/Musings Gosh, where do I begin today? I'm already woke up late, and haven't even powered down my 1st cup of coffee. Have some lame meeting later today where I'm sure our regional manager will give us some asinine pep-talk about it being a new year and how he will count on us to drive his vision home...blah..blah...blah...all with no bonus or incentive, other than keeping your job. Shout outs:

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Can people get any worse?...oh...and Amber Frey 

Rants/Observations To answer my own question, knowing that certain people can take a tragic situation and make it even more deplorable, the answer is yes. I just guess I find myself stunned that just when you think humans have sunk to a new low, someone in teh group has brought along a shovel and willing to try and dig deeper. Enter the aftermath of the recent Tsunami: Many children have lost their families, both local residents and tourists. Imagine being on vacation with your family at a Thai resort and the next day waking up realizing you have possibly lost both your parents and siblings. Perhaps you have an injury yourself. You are dazed, and confused, have no money, in a foreign country, surrounded by death and destruction, there is little water. As if conditions weren't bad enough here comes stranger who takes advantage of this chaos, and perhaps kindaps you from authorities. Yes, kidnaps you, and quite possibly sells you to a youth slavery ring for eith work, or sex. Yes, read this story. This isn't the only report either of this happening right now. Their are reports that are growing that sex-slave rings are abducting children and orphans in this time of tragedy, and 'selling' these poor children to rich Europeans or neighboring countries for sexual gratification. Human trading and selling. With the Thai government and other national services so busy in cleanup efforts trying to stave off disease, hand out food and water, these decrepid slimeballs take advantage of the situation like vultures. There have also been reports that people with cell phones are receiving text messages in regards to adopting children. One message reported stated that some 'group' now had access to over 300 orphans. Paperwork can be sorted out later. All is needed is 'your' requirement for a boy or girl and age. No paperwork? Are they mad? I imagine this means no background checks...that any Tom, Dick, or Harry can get a child....no questions asked. Sick. Face it.....your time on Earth is relatively short. Those that are taking advantage of these children....I personally hope you all rot in hell, and I really can't emphasize that anymore without swearing. Update: Developing Story on Tsunami Orphans. New Topic: Amber Frey. I watched the special last night on date line. I listened to many of the taped calls from Scott. As if I wasn't convinced before he had some involvement, I definetly believe so now. He better hope he gets the swift death penalty in prison or is isolated....my take is his days are marked by the other inmates. He's gonna end up like Jeffry Dalmer, and dead within a few years by another inmate. Unbelievable the lies he told to Amber. And for all those people that said Amber was dumb....? I didn't get that impression from her last night at all. Just an unlucky woman, who was part of an unfortunate set of circumstances, and in the end, her courage prevailed for helping the police. She really didn't know he was married until the Laci story was getting more coverage and and the police contacted her. And while obviously not a knockoutout by any means, I have to say she cleaned up very nice, and I'll be honest.....I found her somewhat attractive. Anyway, I hope she does make a ton of money on her new book, and that Scott hears about it....that she is living large, and he is living one day at a time, never dropping the soap.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Resolutions and Chuck 

Slippery when wet Posted by Hello I read the following entry over at Chuck's and thus it popped into my head, today's topic: Resolutions. Over the years I haven't made too many of them, or even really cared about them or what other people make of them either. Face it....only a small percentage of people actually make a worthwhile resolution, and probably even a smaller amount actually have the gumption and/or will power to carry it out. But this year I am goint to attempt one, at least a broad one with a sizeable timeframe that can actually be realized. What else?...Lose weight. I weighed in the other day at teh gym, and all the weight I lost a year ago, close to 15 lbs on Atkins, I gained all back. I do still watch my carbs, and I like to think I eat healthy but as most people do, we begin the downward spiral around Thanksgiving. By the way, pass the gravy. So in conjuction with April's diet, I have vowed to 17 lbs by April 1st. That gives me three months to achieve a nice round number. Why 17? It's a realistic goal that can be obtained on an avergae of 6 lbs a month. My strategy: 1) once again lower the booze intake to only social occassions, 2) eat earlier evening meals....no more 8pm and 9pm dinners, 3) up the intensity of my gym workouts, 4) try not to skip breakfast, 5) injest more waters and salads and less dark chocolate (Nate's Kryptonite), and 6) most importantly...try to up April's and my sex life. What better way to burn calories and get the heart rate up? Which leads me into part two of Chuck's entry.....recipricol sexual activities. Now, some of you may think I sound like a broken record....and for that I am sorry. But my sex life with April runs like galvinzed stell plumbing....lukewarm to tepid most of the time with occasional flushings of scalding hot. I prefer to be scalded a bit more often in 2005. I hope that April's self-esteem and diet helps boost her desires.....I knwo she has them, but they are buried under baggy sweatshirts and self-loathing. I will try to be more sponataneous and take some of your suggestions and be more vocally 'appreciative' of her when I see she is in doubt. Lately other than a fluke in the cosmic patterns of space last month, our sex-life once again has taken a stall. I told you all before....I believe in monogamy in a relationship, and I sorta find myself in a relationship with April and have been for six or seven months now. However, my eye wanders, I flirt and receive flirts. I get numbers and throw them away. Sometimes I think the desire is in the chase. For I know that some of these women I meet on occassion, I only look at them as casual flings and know in my heart that nothing serious can or will ever happen. My bad boy self wants to be rough with them, take them in some back alley, have some torrid weekend affair, a mutual plaything if you will. But then teh good boy says I'm not gonna get my feelings hurt again, nor do I wanna hurt them or give them false expectations. Last night I awoke at 3:00am, and I was horny. I was by myself, and could not shake the memories of two of the women I had been with before. If I weren't 'attached' I would even consider giving them a call, just for ole times sake....but I won't. And it doesn't shake the visions. The issue is that April and I don't really have any recent memories that can replace those I shared with these women. Those 'incidents' were hot...they burned a vicseral image in my head and loins...perfect to this day, even years after they have taken place. I need to create those moments with April, but like Chuck, I need April to return the feelings and desires. Like I said... I know she has them, I just need to figure a way to have her drop her inhibitions and get wild like when we first met. Don't be complacent. I want her to throw herself at me, to talk dirty to me, to wake me up with a blowjob, to send me a dirty picture of herself, meet me at a motel for lunch. I hope I don't sound greedy or a pig there...but I had that before...and it was mutual. Some of my girlfriends did that for me, and I did it for them. Seems like our sex life revolves around when April is in the mood or when she wants to get freaky...not when Nate wants to. So when she discovered the forgotten videos last week and gave me the stink eye, I didn't even want to put up an argument. I just threw them out to make April happy, but I enjoyed them for the virtual fantasy of them all. I know they are actors and actresses and there probably is no 'real' emotion in their celluloid sex....but damn they can fake it good, and make me as a man, want to feel wanted like the guys in the movie. There was that visual element of peeling them out of skin tight clothes, of baby oil, of 'come fuck me' looks. I want to please you and I want you to please me. I want you to be as energetic and into it as you once were, or what I was accustomed to with others. Am I asking to much? Am I outta line?

Monday, January 03, 2005

Points of Disinterest....Rest Stop, Next Exit 

Tidings/Musings Well, since it's been about 10 or so days since my last post I was sorta pondering what I would write about today. Instead of getting into multiple lengthy episodic entries spanning a few days, I figure I'd use the tried and trued bullet point method. If something really strikes my fancy, I expound on it later:

Back to the grill 

Short Stop. First day back in more than a week. I really missed you all and all your blogs were on my mind the last few days. But being the first day back and all, I have a lot to catch up on at work, so expect a decent post later. By the way....Thank you all so very much for the kind words regarding my recent picture. It really did put a nice smile on my face :)

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