Tuesday, August 31, 2004

RNC...Yeah, you know me. 

Commentary For those of you who have never taken a moment to read my bio, or my early entries, you may have missed a small ingredient of my being: I'm Republican. But I'd like think I am a level headed Republican that has been brought up to learn to listen to both sides and make an informed decision...on my own...not what some elected official tells me because it's the party line. As a matter of fact, I lived for many years in a very liberal community bordering on Socialism, so I am not 'out-of-touch' when it comes to the left. I lived in the heart of it for 6 years....literal hugging of trees, conspiracy theory, the right is the anti-christ fanatics. Do I believe the GOP is always right?....Hell, no. Do I I think there are some good Democractic ideas....Um....Yes, I do as a matter of fact. But when it's all said and done, I believe in free enterprise, democracy, strong military (but not neccesarily the world's police either), and no-free handouts. I would like to see a stronger Social Security system, less government regulation/waste/beuracracy, and more health care for all. Whoa, I think I'm starting to deviate from my original thought, so I'll try an reign it back in. Last night, I admit I watched part of the RNC...mainly former New York Mayor, Giuliani. I missed McCain, but you can't win 'em all I suppose. It was a rather good speech. Of course bing that it was Giuliani, I didn't expect him to talk about much else other than the events of 9/11 and the war on terrorism. In my own private head, I don't think we are doing enough and thus there are still American soldiers dying in Iraq. For that, I think this war is dragging on too long, and every day that passes, I can't help think that more money is being wasted and more people are dying for no reason. My thought really is that we should have drawn a definitive line in the sand and never waver or waffle like we seem to be doing again. We get so worried what France, Germany, and a few others think about us. Screw 'em. I would have gone in there not just 100%, but 150%. Make it very quick....very decisive....and then get the hell out. Then tell the world community that we did our part, and now we are going home, BUT if anyone tries something on us again...they will get the same result back, 10-fold...and leave it at that. I don't like the fact that our so-called allies (sans the United Kingdom) are so wishy washy and easily swayed. Oh...I'm getting off point again. My real reason for my entry today is to talk about both parties apparant lack of stance and mention of our sothern border and the impact of illegal immigration. I'm not just talking California (though they could be the worst offender), but Arizona, Texas, New Mexico. Now people on the left can argue all day long that immigrants do the jobs that Americans don't want to do...that if it wasn't for them, a head of lettuce would be $5.00. I've heard that arguement for years, and it's so played out, so tired, and so over exagerated. Lettuce would not cost $5.00. We would import it from another country, or have it grown in a different state. The market, as it would in free enterprise would adjust, and the government would either subsidise it, or just like any other produce adjust. Why do you think Avocadoes are high priced, even in California where they are grown? There are no avocado protest marches, people aren't rioting over HAAS brand guacamole for God's sake. Here's the issue in a few points: 1) America's infrastructure cannot handle the increased pressure from our neighbors down south, let alone other illegal immigrants either. Have you heard about California freeways? Of course traffic is horrible when you have 10% more traffic on the roads than they were designed for because of the strain on the infrastructure. Most (not all) don't pay taxes, so who do you think pays for road repair and air quality measures, and insurance claims on those that don't have insurance....LEGAL people do. 2) Why are there hospitals in Los Angeles and Dallas closing their doors and filing for bankruptcy, not to mention the hundreds of 'free' clinics that provide pre-natal care and other emergency care? Maybe because illegals and their large families use these places and since they don't have insurance, or have falsified SSN's and documents, the hospitals cannot collect monies owed to them, and thus LEGAL people pay in the form of higher taxes either on a state, county, or national level. I recently read that Los Angeles (that's one city folks) had un-claimed health related costs that were un-recoverable due heavily to illegal immigration upwards of $5 Billion for one fiscal year. $5 BILLION, in 1 city!!! No wonder they close the doors....and who suffers but the taxpayers that will never see that money back....figure that into the cost of a head of lettuce. Name me any business that can survive for any amount of time if they cannot collect their money? 3) Schools. Why are schools over crowded? Why can't kids get pencils and text books? Why are American children's education suffering in these states? No money. Why? Because the money is being allocated to hot lunch programs and bi-lingual issues. Does this mean I think children should not be fed? Hell, no! It's not the kids fault...not one bit. But where the hell is Vicente Fox and his government in aiding his own people? Where is his governments money when it comes to clinics, education, jobs? (Oh, yeah, in his corrupt government.) Where are the parents encouraging their children to learn English. Hell, if you're gonna take our money, you may as well say Thank You in our native tongue. 4) Fairness. Why should illegals get amnesty from either party, when previous generations of immigrants played by the rules and did it the old fashioned way...they worked for it and EARNED it, and were PROUD to be an American citizen! My great grandparents were immigrants...spoke no English when they arrived at Ellis Island back in the 20's. Subsequently, like so many other cultures back then, it meant something to integrate. It was an accomplishment to learn English, and they were very proud to hold an American flag one day, and the money they earned was re-invested into this country, into their own start up businesses, and they built a future for their children....i.e. your grandparents and your parents, and now you. So why should past generations toil and hardwork not account for anything today if we are now willing to give it away to anyone with no effort? Today's immigrants don't want to integrate, and are encouraged not to in some cases. You can see it in our schools and our neighborhoods. English isn't even a second language, becuase they don't want to learn it. Why should they? Our government has made it very easy for them to receive money whether they take initative or not. And is that money re-invested here? In some cases yes, but many times it is sent back home to other countries. Do I fault immigrants for all our problems? Not at all. I fault their own governments for turning a blind eye to their people and expecting the US to be their baby-sitter. I fault our own government, Democratics and Republicans equally, for doing virtually nothing, other than perpetuating a faulty system which bleeds our coffers dry, and when it comes to elections.....still pretend it's not an issue and ignore it. Shame on you Dem's. Shame on you GOP. 5) Security. What an absolute insane joke. Sure, we may have tightend (cough cough) airport screening, but any day of any week, there are hundreds of people that cross our southern border and there's not damn thing we can do about it. ICE is complelety over-whelemed and doesn't have the man-power to be everywhere at once, and even if they were, our officials tell them not to enforce the law. Imagine that. We have laws on our books that the likes of Asa Hutchinson tells ICE and other border patrol elements not to enforce, for heavens-sake lest we (gasp) racially profile. So what 's the point? How much tax money is spent on salaries, maintenance, vehicles, training, paperwork, sub-stations, etc....for a border patrol that cannot enforce the laws of the land, and when they do, they are ridiculed as being racist? Recently there have been reports of people with ties to Islamic and other middle eastern fundamentalist terrorist groups being caught in the deserts along with illegals from the south. Why? They can blend in. Take some Yemen nationalists if you will, and have them come to South America. They learn a few Spanish words, take Mexican/Spanish surnames, blend in with a group of illegals and go ahead and cross the border, and voila, instant terrorists on America soil posing as illegals immigranst looking for work. And the best part of this lunacy? We then turn around and give them free medical care and want to grant them amnesty under the Democratic and Republican plans all the while they plan to do us harm. So when I watch the RNC on television, Yeah, I might nod my head on what we are doing in Iraq and cheer when I see some key players. But underlying it all, we have a huge problem my friends.....your money...your taxes (even if you live in another state)...are ending up in the pockets of others because foreign governments have failed their people...so they come here. And our government is failing us, by taking the stance that it is okay. How do they take this stance? They pretend these issues don't exist when it's time for elections. Unfortunately, it is going to take some disaster to strike us again and we'll trace it back to our border before our officials will do something. Sad. Sad. Sad. done ranting....for now.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Saturday (and Sunday)...finally 

True Story (warning: explicit material) It was actually last Saturday, but well,...... life happens and then everything gets delayed. For those of you that have inquired about Saturday, I fear (as I chuckle) is that you will find it very disapointing and very anti-climatic.....but then again, that pretty much sums up the gist of things nowadays. So I had very little sleep from the night before (Friday), and and I am happy to report I had no hang-over. My day just went through the motions. I bailed on the gym and felt guilty, I also felt as if my waistline expanded a whole inch from the drink, pork, and pizza. You ever feel like you need an industrial sized enema? I did. April called me, and to say the least, the overall tone of the conversation was reserved on both our behalfs. Testing the waters, if you will, on where our anger levels now resided since Thursday/Friday. It seemed okay, both of us scared to bring it up first, or go into detail, for fear of yet re-hashing it all. I did indeed had calmed down at this point and had some time to reflect, and I think April did as well. She was going out with her girlfriends that evening and asked if it were okay if she could come over afterwards if she was too blitzed to drive home. I knew it was going to be late, and I had told her that I had hardly slept at all, and that I'd be going to bed very early. She understood, and yet I was indifferent. I was indifferent becuase I think I was too tired at that point to care, too tired to 'talk', and while I had calmed down, I was still in a slightly (though milder) defiant mood. I said that was 'fine', and had really no plans to stay up and wait for her, especially knowing she'd probably show up drunk. Solo, I watched the Olympics and BB5 and was in bed by 9:45, and was probably out by 9:50. Sure enough at 2:00am as I slept on my back, I was scared half to death by a figure at the foot of my bed. It was April, but obviously I didn't know that at first and just about jumped out and killed her. The sight of me rising out of bed like a phoenix scared the shit outta her too. If you were 140lbs, and drunk, and naked trying to climb into a bed to pass out, and then a 215lb body-builder jumped up and yelled....you'd probably wet your pants. Thank God she didn't! After the initial scare and subsequent calming whispers and half asleep, she climbed in bed and passed out. Passed out hard. I had awoken yet again the next morning, earlier than I would have liked and just sorta tossed and turned in my boxers. I'm not quite sure when it happened, but at one point April began playing with my chest and shoulder....a slight massage. I wondered if more would happen, and as time ticked on....I awaited to see if she would in fact do anything. I just continued to lie very still as she continued to stroke my chest, then my stomach....Okay,...she's going lower. My mind and body both re-acted but perhpas in diffrent ways. On one hand, my mind was analyzing again on where this was going and if I should respond in kind. On the other, my manhood was stirring in my boxers and slowly awakening to her touch. My mind then drifted to my own arrousal and I closed my eyes and focused my thoughts onto my own swelling and naughty thoughts. I was hoping she would take matters into her own. Finally, after what seemed like 20 minutes of just stroking the general area all about, April finally began to massage my hardening soldier. Of course this garnered small sighs and moans from me and became somewhat frustrating after an additional 15 minutes on hands on/hands off action. "Are you teasing me?", I asked. "Hmmm. What do you think?", she sighed back. "Well, it's driving me insane. You really need to do something before I explode." I said in a half commanding, half joking manner. She slid down in my bed and tugged my boxers down even further. Using one hand to cup me and the other to hold my member straight up, her warm saliva enwrapping me instantly sent my eyes rolling back into my head. The sensation was subperb. Starting a regular rythym of movement up and down my shaft with just the right amount of suction applied to the tip and swirling tongue movement was quickly sending me to edge of no return. I told her to stop, that I needed to finish this my way and told her to assume the position. I quickly jumped outta my bed and ran to my stash of condoms and hasitly rolled one on. I turned back to the bed seeing April's naked body on all fours looking back at me over her shoulder. What a sight for any man. Apologizing before-hand for what I laughed off as going to be a very quick 1st go, she said that was okay and used one of her own hands to massage herself for her benefit and my eyes. As quickly as I had jumped outta bed, I jumped just as fast back in and positioned myself behind her, watching with wide eyes as my latex covered member slid in. Spanking her right buttock with my right hand, I watched the red welts begin to appear with each each of her moans. I signaled I was there at the moment and her one hand begain flailing furiously at her pouty, swollen lips. With a few remaining thrusts left in me, I purposfully slammed myself as hard as I could into April's gripping muscles and came as hard as can remember in a long time. So hard in fact that I actually felt faint for a brief second and saw stars and became light headed/dizzy. She came roughly at the same time, maybe a few seconds after I did, but I was still inside when I felt her buck against me. Pausing for 30 seconds, neither of us moved, until I glided out and disposed of my full Trojan. I laid back down beside her...."Wow, what was that for?" I asked. She didn't really reply anything audible, but I had a sense that our argument just a few days before had weighed heavily on her, and she knew deep down inside that I did care about her and I was attracted to her despite a few extra pounds. After our shower, it's as if the fight the other day never took place. One of the best make-up sessions I ever had. We finished the day together going out to eat again, (damn, no gym again for me) and watching TV before she left later that evening. Crap, I knew it was Monday the next day and had no desire to go to work, and as you know why, this past week has been a disaster yet again.

Quickie 2 

I'll try and get to my 'cliffhanger' as Kbear put it later today. Geez, such pressure to live up to 'cliffhanger' status. Computer is now blazing fast. Had to rebuild registry keys...damn spyware & adware screwed everything up....that hidden code hijacked my processor and my internet. Shout out to Heidi for more Paris Hilton news. A memoir? Dang, she's only like 23 years old. BB5: Marvin is new HOH, and Natalie is out. Yay! I predict Diane will be put up for eviction. April came over last night...late. Nothing happened. She was dead tired and had to leave extra early this morning. My home was a pit-stop. Spoke with dad....confirmed my mother is acting wacky right now. Manager is still a poopie head....to everyone. (I said 'poopie'...haha).

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Comments by HaloScan 

Looks like many of us lost our comments section. Hopefully they'll return soon.

Computer Rebuild 

Looks like my entries will resume tomorrow. Spent most of the day rebuilding said computer, and have been pretty busy on the work tip. Just wanna go home and gel for a bit. Maybe have a drink. April works late tonight. Boss hit her up on a huge project at the last minute. She may come over tonight. Unsure.

A Quickie 

I love the show: The 80's Strike Back on VH1. I also love: Nip/Tuck, The Shield, and Rescue Me....go F/X. I tried calling my mom yesterday. I invited her to lunch. She said no. She said she loved me very much. She hung up. I feel horrible and I don't know why. April has been more touchy/feely lately. My computer stills sucks and needs a rebuild. Damn Internet Explorer. New season of the Surreal Life soon. Housemates include: Bridgette Nielsen, Charo!, Flava Flav (of Public Enemy)!, Jordan Knight, and some others. Must watch it.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

We interrupt this Saturday.... 

After watching BB% and AR5 last night, this seemed like a good time for an update. By the way, my computer is really acting up and as soon as I have a free two hours, I have to rebuild it. Some sort of adware/spyware has hi-jacked my browser and sad to say when you are running XP there really is no quick fix. My computer runs fine until the Internet is started. No one should have to wait minutes to open about a browser, or half a page half freeze up on ya. So in case I get quiet today or tomorrow, that's the reason....rebuild. Big Brother 5 It's been a week or so since I last wrote, and boy has the tide of friendship shifted from the twins. Where as a few weeks ago everyones target were the two meatheads Scott and Jase, and houseguests were elated that Adria and Natalie were revealed, it has taken a bitter turn. Adria, back in the day, made a 'pinkie-swear' (whatever) to Nakomis, Will, Karen, and Diane never to vote out Will. She did. Will gone as adirect result. Remainder girls pissed and out for blood. So when Nakomis won the recent HOH competition she swore to the camera's she was out to right the wrong, make enemies, and was determined to rid one of the twins. Of course the twins changed their tune really quick and tried to ass-kiss Nakomis, it was pretty blatant, but Nakomis put them both up anyways. Ha ha. What was sad is that the twins sorta got bitter about it. Nakomis pointed out the pinkie-swear was made with Adria, but back then since both twins were playing as the same person the 'swear' covered both of them as no one else realized there were two of them...for whatever reason they didn't get this concept, so of course they whined about it, then got cocky, then got sarcastic. They put the pressure on Diane and Drew to use the veto if teh won it. Drew is a push over and said 'Sure'. Diane is, and I agree, seld-admittedly not smart when it comes to decision making. When put on the hot seat, she tends to get flustered and appears to crumble...this has already nipped her a few times but I'm awaiting for the huge mistake...it's a matter of time. Once again Karen manages to fly under the radar. Cowboy is a goof. He tried to explain to America why he should be on the Young and the Restless and gave us a sampling of his acting abilities......Uh, just continue to chew your Skoal and dance like a white guy, 'cause an actor, you are not. Marvin. I really am starting to like him a lot. He has much comic relief and a solid player. He had the line of the night with something like: "I'm really starting to like these people, just too bad I can't stand them." Luxury cometition: Had some wacky erector set thing in the backyard with hundreds of criss-crossed colored bands and ropes that were suspending balls with letters on them. Housemates had to go through this maze and retrieve a single ball, then unscramble the letters to make a word. The word: Internet. Did pretty well, but had a hard time spelling. This results in a shopping spree from Amazon.com where they get to pick 14 items. Among the items were a Bo-Flex, Omaha steaks, and a firepit. Marvin was very excited about the firepit, so excited in fact he wanted to creamate a little manga cat doll that Holly left behind. He did. He was happy. Veto competetion: The contestants must one-by-one unscramble a morphed projected face that was made up of a combination of three other house guests and select the correct houseguests. Who ever does it the fastest wins. Nakomis kept referring to Holly as 'skank'. Adria wins to the dismay of Karen, Diane, & Nakomis. Drew and Marvin are unreadable, and it seems as if Cowboy is in the Twins corner. Adria uses the veto on herself so Nakomis puts up Cowboy. Cowboy isn't happy, but deals with it well...so far. Unless something wacky happens, it still appears they have the votes to oust Natalie. Amazing Race 5 As the herd thins out from Africa, tensions all around rise and many of the teams are fighting amongst themselves. Colin/Christie - 1st to leave on their way to an airport when taxi wheel blows. Turns out that wheel was a spare and there was not another spare which really pisses off Colin. Karli/Kammi drive buy and offer their spare. Colin changes the tire to get to the airport 3rd, but refse to pay taxi driver $100, but instead offer $50. Taxi driver isn't having this and demands his $100. Colin at this point shows his dark side to Christie's and everone else's dismay. Colin starts getting agitated with Christie, and ends up at the local police station. Colin fights a losing battle and is faced with either paying the $100 or facing criminal charges in some third world country. As he berates Christie more, who really hasn't done a thing to deserve it, he remains defiant until the bitter end. He pays $100 and is visibly fuming, much to the laughter of one local constable. (Note to Colin: Dude, you are a white guy at a police station in a third world country....suck it up and pay. Even if you know in your heart it's wrong, you're clearly the minority here. This isn't Canada, America, or the U.K.....you're gonna lose and look like an ass in front of your girl.) Sad thing was that Christie has some self worth issues, and ends up apologizing to Colin for her behavior. WHAT?!? He was an ass, not you honey. Please explain to me why women dote over assholes? That has to be one of my biggest pet-peeves. Well, they make it on the plane, on to Dubai for the next clue, and do some off-roading in a SUV (which Colin apparantly has done before), then straddles a camel with a GPS unit to make it 1st to the pitstop. Brandon/Nicole - Nicole definetly has some issues about the state of their finances, and continually is questioning Brandon on his spending of cash. While I agree somewhat, she is a little obsessive about it, to the point where Chip even steps in and talks to her. Nicole whines this episode. Not really much to mention here, other than they forego their 1st place lead to skydive instead of off-road. They come in 2nd. Chip/Kim - Chip is as happy as ever and continues to be very nice to the other teams and foreigners he runs into. He too is a little free with his money, and Kim briefly notes this. In the last leg, he drives the SUV and gets stuck once in the sand and needs to be pulled out before they reach the camel. 3rd. Linda/Karen - As they begin this leg of the race their taxi suffers from lack of oil and a new taxi needs to be called out. Any ground they gained, they now lost and barely miss the plane out of Nairobi, so they must take the last flight to Dubai. However, when they reach Dubai, they learn that the next event doesn't start until 8 in the morning, so all teams are now even again. They choose to off-road as well, and get stuck twice, causing them to place 4th. They are generally upbeat, but seem pretty down to earth and comment on how everytime they get ahead, something always happens where they lose ground. Kami/Karli - While starting in a relatively good position fall back when they get to Dubai. The girls argue over a flag marker, marking where they should turn which costs them the lead. They choose to sky-dive, but its too late. By the time they land their 1st place lead lands them in last place, where are host says they can continue on, but with no money. They will have to leave Dubai penniless.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Checking In 

First and foremost, I want to thank you all for your comments and concerns over the last few days. It was really sorta nice and heartwarming in a cyberspace sort of way. The more I think about blogging, the more I come to think what an interesting dynamic this whole experience is: opening your mind, body, soul, feelings, and emotions to complete strangers.....and yet find a comfortable warmth, support and bonding with each of you, to the point I consider you all my friends. Strange, yet joyous. Well, a lot has happened over the past few days, including even today. So instead of trying to catch up on everything in one huge long entry. I'll have to cover it a few entries spread out. Deal? Good. Mother: Well, I have yet to speak with her since our last phone conversation 8 days ago. In some ways I feel much better, and in others bad. I did attempt to call on Sunday afternoon, just to test the waters and say 'Hi', but all I git was the answering machine. So I left it brief to both my parents. I called again this morning and spoke with my dad. He understands the situation completely and said he knows my mother is having a hard time, but he also agrees it needed to happen, not just for my sake, but for her sake. My dad is kinda old school, and he's not the best person in the world with his emotions, so I imagine my mom is looking to him for some sort of support/understanding/sypathy, and probably isn't getting much hugs and kisses in return from him. He loves her, that I know....but he was never the PDA type of guy and very bad expressing himself. Unlike me :) Boss: Irritating. Just too scattered brained and unorganized. But brilliant. Seriously, he is a technical programming guru, but social/managing skills...he has not. Anyway, we just sort of look at him (that is my peers here) with puzzled looks and wish he would take some Prozac himself. It's like he got ADD or something. Friday Night: Just what the doctor ordered. A night out with the guys. Well, it really didn't turn too much into a nite out-out, but it was very fun. Being the cook that I am, I offered to cook and BBQ dinner at my friends house, if he called up the guys. I find cooking relaxing and helps my mind focus on somthing else. So I had a little Southwest theme going. Nate's menu: Ranch style beans with freshly diced pablano chilies from my herb garden, Chunky applesauce with freshly ground cinnamon that I milled and a pinch of brown sugar, Boneless pork tenderloin with a dry chipoltle rub I made, slow cooked on the BBQ to retain the juices over mesquite wood chips, garnished with fresh rosemary from my herb garden as well. Oh,and a lot of Jack Daniels. A lot. My buddies were gracious and we sat about talking about old war stories...that is the kind regarding the lady folk. Just when I thought I had some good ones, my pals recounted tales of there own. My favorite was my friend B who recounted this girl he was seeing was loud. So loud in fact that the neighboors thought he was killing/strangling her so they called cops...when the cops arrived they discovered B and his girlfriend having sex doggie-style. My other friend S was telling us about his first older woman...who was a mother of another friend of ours when we were in High School. Jeez....But it all wasn't about girls. Talk continued about work, jokes, vacations, sports, and soon the whole guy gambit was run. So the Jack flowed and we all played cards, and got loud, and got buzzed. Before I knew it I needed to stop lest it be a rough night and drive home, but the others had fun, and got loud, and then ordered pizzas at midnight. Then somone broke out a porn. There's something weird when there's a group of 5 guys watching a porn at midnight, being half smashed and eating pizza. I can say however it wasn't my idea. I think I made it home and was in bed around 2am. Didn't sleep overly well as my eyes popped open at 5:30.... Next: Saturday.

Friday, August 20, 2004

Can't I get a break today? 

Screaming So, I thought it would be the proper thing for me to do and try to absolve some of these feelings if invite April for lunch. "Are you going to yell at me again?", she asked. I tried to explain that I am not a violent person by nature, and when I get angry, hurt, frustrated, I tend to raise my voice. I went further to try and explain that I wasn't yelling at her out of malice or to hurt her feelings, but that it was out of a developing feeling of confusion and helplessness. She agreed and I pick her up...she was in the area anyway. I took her to a restaurant nearby, and the overall drive was a little quiet. I reflected inwardly on all the B.S. this past week. Once inside we sat down, and I tried my hardest to speak in a calm and articulate manner. I stated that between the last few days of restless sleep, my boss, my mother, doofus employee's I was perhaps looking inadvertently to her for some sort of support mechanism. And while I don't equate sex with support, the mounting lack of interest or effort on her part was coming to head. I went as far to apologize for raising my voice, but would not apologize for the way I feel and did tell her I was concerned. She proceeded to tell me that her new 'getting-in-shape' routine is making her discover muscles she didn't know she had, that she was indeed more tired and sore than usual and her sex-drive may be diminished as of such. While I can digest that to an extent, I find it overall a weak argument and excuse. I know for a fact that my days are longer, I still make it to the gym, and have many other responsibilities and can manage. This whole 'getting in shape' thing, while noble, is a joke. Her heart is not 100% let alone 50% into her regime. She has started more diets and programs that I care to count, but they only last a week or two at best before she out drinking or eating crap food with her friends. I know it's hard, and I'm not perfect either..my diets suffer as well and I slide...but I don't have an excuse of the week. But I'm getting off point. So the waiter comes and orders our lunch. I decide that I am going to have a beer. No sooner does he deliver it and I take the first sip, when my BOSS walks in and sits two tables away. April immediately steps up to the plate and trades my beer with her 7-up. The whole meal is awkward as April and I come to some sort of silent, peaceful, yet not totally resolved agreement, while my boss occasionally glances over. It's like you want to say something to him, and I sense he wants to say something to me, but nothing ever gets said at all, until we leave, in which I just acknowledge him.

Calgon....Take me away 

Damn, I'm in a foul mood. I'm still confused and angry over the April thing. We haven't spoken since I left this morning, which while not unusual, I would think she may have wanted to contact me at least once. So needless to say, I work with a few idiots. And I'm not saying that because I'm in a bad mood, but there apparant lack of brain power sure as hell doesn't help matters. I swear....what is it with salespeople and managers? How do they get by and become the movers and shakers and money makers, when they constantly need tech people to wipe their asses and hold their hands in everything? Survivor contestants they would not be. Damn, do you really need me to explain how place a phone call? Are you that inept? (sarcastically) God forbid your cell phone dies....all those calling cards, LAN lines, and pay phones you actually put a quarter in....the technology is so extreme, how will you survive? How can you eat? How can you drink? That's a sad commentary on common sense. Too many people here depend on others to do things for them, they can't even manage the simple things in life. Sickening. My new manager is a still a dolt too. Hovering over everyone making idle chit-chat because apparently he feels the need to pretend to manage or make his presence felt, even though nothing is being contributed via his dry diatribes and comments. Yeah, hold that cup of coffee in our doorways...and ask inane questions. Oh, I have a novel idea.....how 'bout reading those e-mails we send you in your INBOX. That may save you from lording over us and asking things we have already completed and moved on. Yeah, I guess I am one bitter person today. Oh and Will is gone from BB5. Damn. When it rains...it pours.

The Real World......Outtakes 

True Story / Venting Well, I am clearly in a mood today and am quite looking forward to the end of the day for some drinks and male bonding. My personal life could be better, and it can also be much worse. For those of you wondering, I haven't spoken with my mother since Monday....and while she is on my mind, I'm sorta glad I'm not talking with her right now...I'd probably get more pissed off. I have had a lot I wanted to write about the last few days, but my thoughts keep geep getting sidetracked as other crap rears its ugly head. Both Kat and Kbear have been the inspiration of two journal entries I will get to eventually, but have to wait because I'm a little mad...or is it hurt....or a bit frustrated? I had sex last night...with April....and I'm mad. You're probably all wondering...."What? You got a little action, and you're pissed?" In a word....Yes. April wanted to stay the night last night, and of course I said yes. As we were watching TV, she indicated she wasnted to go read in my room...so she left me out to watch TV by myself for a while. I finally sauntered into my room around 10ish, and she was indeed reading, under the covers. I wasn't going to bother her, so I let her read, the whole time wondering when she would finish and maybe I'd make a move. I actually did indeed doze off for a few minutes, but did awake when she got up to turn off all the lights. By my clock it was now 11pm. The last time we made love, she complained a bit stating there really wasn't any foreplay. I'll give her that. Like I said here before and also to her, sometimes I enjoy making love with all the romance and taking time, but on occassion I like to get down to business and be an animal. She actually, at least at the time, said she understood and that she likes that philosophy as well. But Nate is no mind reader. My Professor Xavier telepathic skills have never developed, so who knows when she is in what mood. So back to last night....I started a little foreplay with her....and got virtually a tepid, if any response the first few minutes. I was wondering if she was asleep. My light touch on her thighs and lower stomach was trying to illicit a little pleasure from her, when in fact I finally received a complaint that it was too ticklish. So I tried another tactic, and was met with a luke warm response as well. As I fondled one of her breasts...she just lay there...OKay..... Then using my other hand, I guided one of her free hands to my member and had her stroke it. I asked her if she liked that..in which she responded, "Yes"...but you could have fooled me. Well this is getting nowhere quick...new tactic.... I commanded her to take her panties off. She did. I then directed her to climb up on my chest, which she did with a small grunt of exasperation. Do I sense she thought this was a chore? As she stradled my chest, I manuevered myself down a tad bit so as she was now actually stradling my face, holding my headboard. I know she is usally a fan of oral sex, so I deftly and eagerly went down on her, or in this case, up on her. But I still got a sense she wasn't into this as she normally is. I managed to massage her privates with my tongue for ten minutes or so, but between the seemingly uncomfortable reactions I was receiving, I gave up on that as well and directed her to just mount me. She did. As I entered her I placed my hands on her buttocks and began to whisper R rated comments to her. No response. (There is something not right here). I asked her in a husky voice: "Do you like this?"...."Yeah?"..."Like how that feels?"...and I even though I got some afirmations, it wasn't with out a few obvious sighs and groans. And these weren't sighs and groans of pleasure....more like...this is uncomfortable and a chore. Good God. So I was pretty worked up anyways and when I climaxed, I climaxed pretty hard....and April rolled off and lay next to me. Then she grabbed my hand (okay...maybe things are turning around?) and placed my left hand between her legs and had me encirlce and fondle her folds...but she was very quiet....until she orgasmed. And then she went to bed, and fell asleep within 5 minutes. WTF? Okay, maybe she was really tired.....but I have the distinct feeling something is not right. I'm my own worst enemy and analyzed this to death, until I fell asleep sometime after midnight. This morning I woke up relatively early. Once again remembering the other day she made the point that she likes foreplay, I began to wake her with my hand on her back. A light massage to her lower back as I climbed closer to her. I place my hand on her naked ass and began to stroke it as well, and leaned over to kiss her neck and ear. Where as in the past from both April and other girls this would have been met with a agreement, or soft sighs, eventually leading to a nice morning session, I instead got: "What has gotten into you?" I probably didn't respond the correct way: "Apparantly something that never gets into you", and I got out of my bed and took a shower. Not only to wash last nights activities off of me, but to have an excuse to get outta of what was going to be an uncomfortable situation. After I finished my shower, I returned to my vanity and began finsihing getting ready. April: "What is that supposed to mean?" Nate: (takes a breath and collects his thought) "It means, if I don't initiate anything anymore, we wouldn't have sex at all." April: "That's not true." Nate: "Oh really? Well tell me when the last time you initated anything? What was last night? What was that this morning? You complain that I don't do foreplay, yet when I do, I get no response. What is happening? When we first started dating, we were 50/50. You were just as creative as I was...You would jump me in your car, in my house, in your house, etc....etc..Now, if I don't make a move, nothing would happen." April: "That's not true. Maybe I'm just not in the mood, I'm tired. What about the other night?" Nate: "What about the other night? Uh, that was me that started that too. And if you're not in the mood...I'd rather you just tell me. You're always tired. But instead I get facial expressions, grunts, groans and sighs, like this is some chore. I'm not forcing you to do this. If you don't want to, I can live with that. But this constant flip-flopping is really getting to me. I can't read your mind. One day you tell me this, the next day I try to put in into action, and I still get a blah response. We used to be 50/50, now it's like 90/10...me." April: "Well, I don't feel desireable...sexy" Nate: "What?!? What do you mean? I am the the one knocking on your door. I am the one initiating this. If I didn't find you desireable I wouldn't even try. That argument is washing with me. I'm the one buying you lingerie. How could say you I don't find you desireable...I'm the only one asking here." April: "I'm trying to lose weight, and it's not going very fast." Nate: "What the hell are you talking about? Who ever brought up weight? I never once mentioned it." April: "Well I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you, Superman." Nate: "Oh, this is so typical....now it's my fault. Here, I am just asking what happened to when we first started dating, and now it's Nate is perfect and I'm Superman. What the hell are you talking about? No...you are not going to turn this around on me. Our sex life right now sucks...the only reason we have a sex life...at all...is because of me. If you don't like what I do, you need to actually tell me so I can make an effort to change to please you. But by you just laying there, with no response as of late, I can't even begin to guess what you like and what you don't." April: "I told you what I like." Nate: "Really? What once? A few months ago? You have a mouth...use it...tell me." April: "I don't want you to shoot me down. Once you shot me down. Said you were too tired and that made me feel sad and rejected." Nate: "Oh My God. That was one time. Once. 4 months ago. Have I ever turned you down any other time? Let go of it! That is a tired excuse and carries no weight with me. Of course people aren't in the mood 100% of the time. That night I wasn't, and I can't always be in the mood. Who is? But lately, you're never in the mood!" I received a lot of sarcastic and dramatic remarks after that. I tried to explain that I did find her desireable, that I want her to be spontaneous like she was when we first started dating. This whole time I am dressing as she still lies in my bed. As I walk down the hall of my house to exit... April: (yelling after me) "Are you sorry you began dating me?" What a stupid f'ing question. One I was not about to even broach with an answer. After I just spent the last 20 minutes telling her I want her, our sex life is in the toilet, I don't think she's fat, I try to be creative and spontaneous, I am willing to try and make her happy, I give her keys to my place, she asks me that? I left my house without answering her. The last thing she heard was the door closing. I am starting to think that despite my efforts, this really isn't worth it. She is a great person. Someone I do indeed care about. Someone I am willing to work with, but the effort needs to be reciprocated. This dead romance thing really has me concerned. I don't necessarily want to revert to my old ways, but it's this very stale draught that I can't help think about my past and go back out there and play the field again. As I told her this morning, I don't think of myself as George Clooney or Brad Pitt, and I may not be the absolute best lover in the world and I'm not patting myself on the back at all, but the fact is I have never been with someone who tends to just lie there and act if sex is a chore as she is right now, or even complain. Even crazy Mary, who just used to lay there during direct sex, put effort into other sexual activities and was really into foreplay and spontaneity and at least could talk a good game. I just don't know right now.....and I'm confused. I'm going out with the guys tonight.

Thursday, August 19, 2004


Musings On the lighter side: Read this story of a drunk bear Had a huge post yesterday, that will be forever lost to the anals of ether-space due to Blogger freezing up for some unknown reason. I stopped going to my counsler.....I figured the last time when I showed up and he had to ask me my name, I knew right then this was a waste of time. How do you not know your client's name when he walks in the door? You are actually holding his case folder. Bad move. No wonder it's free. Cold Mountain is actually a damn good movie. A little long...I'm 2 hours into it and have a half hour to go...Nicole Kiddman, for the first time I really noticed is damn beautiful. She hasn't aged in like the last 15 years. Too bad Tom Cruise is in all the Scientology crap...that's why he lost her. She won't convert to that nonsense. Paris Hilton found her dog. I just came to the realization that I know too much useless Paris Hilton fluff, that I honestly don't go out and seek....it just appears on my screen or my radio. I may have mentioned this once before months back, but we have a very, very attractive shipping agent here who is a single mother. She must be in her early 40's, but has the body of a 24 year old. Her only problem is she is a sun worshipper, and in a few years it will catch up to her and she age rapidly beyond her years. But in the meantime, she continues to wear denim skirts that show off her tan, taught calves. Her beach bleached blond hair, hides her sun-freckled button nose. I know many of us drool over her on occasion. But that's not what I am getting at.... She brought her daughter in today...who is in her late teens. Maybe 17? 18? 19? Of course she looks like a cross between Brittney Spears, Christina Aguilera & Jessica Simpson from a few years ago, when they were mid-puberty. She also wears tight jeans, a black leather belt studded, a cotton T that leaves her belly button exposed....Another bad move. There are a lot of men here that I already noticed are making more rounds to the shipping department than usual. I know I may make a trip out there myself to look for a box for who knows what. As long as I'm on the subject of tans and women....I'll have to relay this image to you. I was in the gym yesterday and there wasn't too much to look at, until 'she' came in. I have no idea her name, but you couldn't help, that is nobody could help but notice her (I can't believe I'm saying this) camel toe. Yes, she had to be around 5'7-8", blond and very evenly tan. She wore one of those lycra sports tops, bright orange in color with spaghetti shoulder straps. She also wore very hip hugging cotton sweat pants that must have been 2 sizes too small. It was stark white which was a nice contrast to her bronzed skin. But she had them so hiked up that the cuffs were half way up her calves and gave her a very noticeable front wedgie if you catch my drift. It was also quite evident that she was wearing nothing underneath, i.e. commando. Both sexes noticed this. I'm not sure if she was aware of this or not. She seemed oblivious, like this was totally normal, but how could you not know? Perhaps she was purposely putting on a show for all? Maybe this was her way of exciting herself, having all eyes drawn to her until she left. You can never underestimate what a person will do to make themselves feel desireable and naughty. I'm not sure how I felt. I have mixed feelings on the whole scenario. A) Part of me thought she looked ridiculous and silly. Perhaps she was a dingbat which is not appealing or attractive to me. Maybe that area was now overly sweaty which again is not appealing. Bringing attention to yourself like that make you look insecure. B) Then I will admit, there was a sorta turn-on about it....there 'it' was in all it's glory....I found it attractive that she was confident in her sexuality to show it off and advertise it...I couldn't help but think what she was like behind closed doors if this is how she was in public. She was indeed tone and taut and had a nice body...if she was looking for attention, she got mine. The choice in fabric was second to denim...

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

You just can't write this stuff. 

Paris Hilton....again. Tinkerbell

80's Trivia Quiz......Fun with Nate 

Musing So kids, and especially those of you of the 80's, I have a fun little flash media quiz for you all. Take the 100 question 80's trivia game at: 80's Trivia and let me know your score. Personally I scored 72, and got the Silver Rubic's Cube. Because I was a TV and movie geek, I did very well in those categories. Hair Bands threw me off as did some world questions...but it's entertaining and fun and takes ya 10 minutes. Enjoy. Be back later.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

It's getting a little hot in here 

I wish I could say it was caused by sone smoking hot blond, but I think the last few days I've been on a dour note. But between my last few posts, and the fact my boss has come back from vacation with a hard-on for ill-defined tasks is making my department feel like it's walking on egg-shells. It would be easier if he would actually think out his concerns/issues/projects before laying down these random tidbits of stuff in his head that the rest of us are supposed to figure out what the hell he is talking about. It in analogous to an interior decorator speaking to a bunch of dairy farmers.....there is such a disconnect...everyone has a cartoonish question mark above their heads. I need to liven this place up with fun and cheer...to get you...and myself out of this funk. At least I have BB5 tonight, oh....and the fact I'm meeting a friend after work at a bar for a few beers.

A Mother Scorned 

True Story/Commentary/Musing Well, I did indeed come to work today, albeit slightly late. No one is really here yet, and I can already tell it's going to be another slow day. So I am enjoying some coffee and Frank Sinatra (BTW: I'm a HUGE RAT PACK fan, especially for Dean Martin) Before I continue, I should clarify something about my last weekend update (yesterday), and this entry may make more sense. First and foremost, I love my mother very, very much. I am an only son and my parents are still married. However, the older we get, the more fanaticle or obsessive she becomes on the trivialities of life. Little thinsg will bother her, and she can't let them go. The most difficult aspect of this is she has a set of blinders on that she is only aware of how they work. When she feels that she has been 'dissed' or something unjust has happened, she lets everyone know that she is the victim, and it was the other party at fault. While I can agree with this some of the time, I can't agree ALL of the time. I find it very hard to believe that the world has some sorta of conspiracy theory against her, however, to speak with her, she is never to blame and is only trying to help. I truly believe that my mother has a good heart, and is not malicious in anyway, shape or form. I have witnessed her over the years be very generous....generous to a fault. But here is the fault--she gets very emotional and upset and feels people are taking advantage of her if she doesn't get the appropriate level of recognition from said individuals. I try to explain to her that if she is looking for recognition, then she is giving for the wrong reasons. You can't buy love or acceptance. This hurts her very badly and very deeply. She truly believes that she is helping people out and making their lives better, and gets very sad if she doesn't get a return phone call or a note of thanks. And guess who hears about this? Daily....weekly....monthly. Why? Because I am the only son, who dutifully stands by his mother. No she doesn't drink, smoke, or is on any drugs. There are times I think that a little Prozac might be in order, and I'm not trying to be flip or comedic about it. My mom does battle depression on occasion, but most of it is self-induced. She takes little situations and makes a mountain out of a molehill. The end result: Because I am the only person who 'hears her out', I am constantly and consistently baraged with the 'problem of the week'. What starts off as a good day usually ends with her crying and going on and on about somebody or something else. I get depressed myself and feel resentful for hearing the issue, like I am the one who is supposed to fix everything. I can't justify other peoples actions, no more than I can guess why they act the way they do, or don't do things the way my mother expects them to do it. Lately, it is the same conversation, the same feeling of loss and helplessness which puts me in a funk. This happened Sunday where I finally told her to stop. Move on. Don't worry about others peoples actions or inactions, and that I can't explain their positive or negative behaviors. Despite being her son, I like to call it down the middle. I would like to think I see both sides, and to be honest...as much as I think some people don't treat my mother the way I think they should, she also needs to learn not to set herself up for disapointment and LET GO of things. So an argument ensued in which I left in a foul mood, feeling very sad for her and helpless myself. The last thing I heard from her was: "Oh, so I am such a bad person. Well, I guess I won't bother you with my problems anymore"....complete jewish guilt, even though I am not jewish. But the fact of the matter is, I will hear about it again. Her 'threats' of 'not bringing it up or talking to me about it ever again' are meaningless. AS a matter of fact, last night as I watched the Olympics, my phone rang at 9:20pm. It was her. And guess what she wanted to talk about? Our arguement yesterday.....GOD, let it lie for a day or two already. I even preface the call by saying: "Not to be mean or disrespectful, but I thought you weren't going to call me again and bring it up. I have nothing more to say that I didn't say yesterday, and I don't want to beat a dead horse. I'm tired of this. Tired of the same thing every time we talk. It's never you, it's everyone else, and I'm tired of feeling guilty and depressed myself. What should be good quality time between us and what I miss, is being replaced by who did what and when and why. I can't speak for these people, and I think it's unfair you always put me on the spot about them and I'm not sure what you want me to do?" "I want you to listen and be my sounding board." "That's the problem....I don't want to be your sounding board any longer. Any advice or point of view I give, you reject, then you ask me to explain stuff and when I try, you either interrupt or tell me I don't understand. Well, if I don't understand, then why do you ask me to be a sounding board? Again, what do you want me to do?" "When did my son become so disrepectful to his mother? I raised you better." "That's my point. You raised me. You didn't raise these other people. They have their own mothers and families. I can't change them, nor is it my duty. And if I am so disrespectful, then why do you keep calling me about the same stuff. You ignore/reject everything I have to say on the matter, so I finally figured this is a waste of my time. This 5 minutes conversation we aren't supposed to be having, is now drawn out to an hour.....yet again" And before you know it, the cycle is repeated...starting from point A back to point Z back to point A again. It drives me insane, but it's my mother and I love her, but right now (and for the last few years) she is becoming all consumed about things no one cares about except her, and be damned if you don't understand 'her point of view'. I can't win. So last night, I stood my ground. I never raised my voice. I never swore. I told her the truth hurts, especially from your son, and no matter what...I love you, BUT, you need to stop this. The world is not against you. I am not against you. We have our own problems and believe it or not, our problems don't always involve you. Don't set yourself up for frustration or hurt. You wanna know why I dread coming down to visit now? Because as sure as I know the sun will come up tomorrow, I know you will put me on the spot about the issue of the week....and I am supposed to sit and nod my ahead in agreement. Your depression on these matters, depresses me. I'm tired of hanging up the phone in frustration, or guilt, or listening to you cry. That hurt her. I told her all I can do is pray about the situation, and I will continue to love her, but I can't be the emotional dumping ground forever. I didn't want to hurt her, but I can't keep rolling over either. The truth, as painful as it is, needed to be heard and I am sure it was even more hurtful from her son. I hope she recovers. It may be a few days, or even a few weeks before she calls me again. But the next time she calls, I want a mother-son conversation/relationship like we used to have. I care.....maybe too much....and it's screwing me up now too. I'm not sure if this is the correct forum for this, but if you are a believer, please send a prayer for her.....and don't do it for me because I asked, but because this person, my mother, has some real control issues that she hasn't identified with yet, but everyone else can see, and it's slowly driving her insane. I would want that for anyone who has emtional issues.

Monday, August 16, 2004


Uuuuugggghhhhh. Slow Monday. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tock. I'm drinking an Ice Tea and contemplating reading a novel. Boss came back a day early. Everyone, inlcuding myself, are trying to look busy. We're failing. No BB5 tonight. Just Olympics. On the brights side, commercials are airing for the new television season...look like its starting soon. 3 more episodes of 6 Feet Under this season. God, I'm bored. I may just call in sick tomorrow. I have no immediate work in my queue anyway.

Weekend Update 

Musings Unfortunately I have been in the mood lately, and maybe April has not, or last week was just a nice fluke. Friday night was sorta awkward on many levels. April came over and we just assumed she would stay the night. I was really feeling cheeky and despite my vibes and hints, April was totally oblivious. I finally just walked to my back bedroom and yelled for her to come here. I wish all sex could fall into either of the following categories: very sensual and romantic, or animalistic/adventurous/pornstar (to steal a phrase). Depending on my mood I like both equally...well, maybe a bit more primal in nature. However, Friday night was a challenge for me on many levels including physical and mental, and sometimes those go hand in hand. I wish I could lay down a very sordid and juicy story for you in all it's salacious details, but sex Friday night was a chore. While April was indeed willing...she got her cookie relatively fast, but I on the other hand, was in a lurch. Romance and animalistic urges are nice, but after 20 minutes...sex to me is a chore. It would be much better if the other party (i.e. April in this case) was into it and returned the favor. See, to me, sex is fun and great, but is 10 times better when your partner doesn't just lie there motionless and quiet as a mouse. Maybe some men and women don't realize this, but even the slightest groans, facial expressions, or dirty talk can do wonders for the other person. If you lay there and just.....well...lay there....it really detracts from my pleasure and overall sexual excitement. It then becomes my obsession and fixation that I am not performing well, that I am boring you, and thus I forget that I am having fun. Soon 20 minutes equates into profuse sweating, quaking legs, the need for extra lubrication, the judgment call of trying other positions. I have been with a few girls over the years, and there are about three I can think of off the top of my head that were very vocal and into sex. I'd like to take it as a personal compliment to my abilities, but for all I know, these individuals could be like that with every guy. But there is no way you can understand without being a man yourself, on how a little nasty talk (even mild suggestions) and facial looks (the 'come here and fuck me now') can drive a man up the wall. You do that for me and I swear I will do whatever you want, and twice, because guaranteed the first time may be too quick! It may also be my room too. I am willing to concede that while I like my room on an aesthetic level, it provides no sense of lurid danger or excitement. It's the same place all the time....that's why people look to have sex in public places, or a car, or a hotel room, or wherever....because your surroundings aren't too familiar and comfortable and vanilla. On the few occasions that April and I have sex in another room, it's always better, because it seems out of the norm or forbidden. Like the couch is made for sitting, and my friends and family sit there...it's not 'usually' used to bend someone over the arm and press their head into the cushions while I take them from behind. Or the spare bedroom with it's full lengthed mirrored closet and window open to the public. Anyway, back to my issue: 40 minutes into it, 6 positions later (or so it seemed), three applications of lubrication (due to the extended period of work), and sweat pouring down my back and brow, Nate came close many times, but just couldn't get over the 'hump', which of course frustrated me to no end. I ended up giving up and laying down on my bed next to her basically taking care of myself which isn't the most comfortable thing in the world when your partner is just kinda looking at you knowing that you are frustrated. She eventually helped out and I did finish, but I was extremely sore afterwards and the overall experience is something I wouldn't want to repeat anytime soon. After we cleaned up, I just went out and poured myself a drink and pretended the last hour never happened. Really sucks, 'cause I was really in the mood, but there was 'buzz kill' somewhere in the equation. -------------- Saturday wasn't too much better. We met some friends to play tennis. April plays from time to time, and the friends we met actually have their own rackets and practice quite regularly. Nate does not play tennis very often and dreads doing this. But I do do it every so often for April because as much as I hate it, I know it makes her happy, and it's not always about me. Needless to say, I suck. I try not to let it get to me and play it off, but all I could think about was going home. Finally we went back to my place and watched some of the Olympics and BB5. I know April was very tired, but I was in the mood again and asked her if she wanted to. She said no, that she was too tired. In her defense, I knew that she was, but I was still bummed and charged to give it another whirl. I even dreamed about it... ---------- Sunday, April left early to work so I met up with my parents for a while and took them out to lunch. It was nice for the most part until my mom get's on 'her issue of the week', which there is always one and that in itself can be numbingly painful. You just have to sit and politefully agree and let her have her say. God forbid anyone interrupts her repetitive tirades or has a dissenting opinion. If you do, you're 'wrong', and the whole story/issue starts all over again. As much as I love her, she can drive me nuts because she is too predictable and emotional. I left and came home to do chores. I finally broke down swearing I wasn't going to do this, but I did: I broke out a video from my collection (which is collecting dust BTW) and popped it in the VCR. After a few frustrating days, I felt as if I needed just a few minutes to take care of myself. I don't necessarily like admitting that, but I fell into temptation. In my state of being I knew it was only going to be a few minutes, if that, anyway. So I watched a brief amateur scene with Jenna Jameson (her 2nd movie ever) & Kathy Ireland and sure enough, it was over before I knew it. But that's what I needed: naughty talk and some girlie groans and I was satisfied. Tape went back into the closet as quickly as it came out. Then I played video games until Six Feet Under came on, then hit the sack.

Friday, August 13, 2004

Jase has left the building 

I really can't comment on anything to exciting that transpired on BB5 last night other than with Jase finally evicted there is an overall sense of relief, other than Cowboy, that the antichrist has left. In no real surprise the vote was 6 to 1 to oust Jase. It's almost as if the game is starting all over again, and even Drew (and perhaps even Cowboy) will be given a fair shake to start over with the two meat-heads gone. In an actual and possible glimpse that there is some redeeming quality about Jase, he sorta came clean to host Julie in the post-eviction ceremony. For the first time since episode 1, I actually thought what he said was truthful.....and maybe even insightful. But then Holly appears... Just as animated as she ever was, she comes to greet Jase on the couch with Julie. Was it me, or did Jase sorta look slightly uncomfortable that Holly was there. I don't think that was the reaction CBS or Holly was looking for....Wait...knowing Holly's intelligence, she probably didn't even notice. But I'm pretty sure Jase was not overly joyous in seeing Holly, at least not there. I don't see that relationship heading anywhere long-term. Adria won the HOH competetion to a more or less un-eventful episode. However, BB5 revisted some of the housemates of BB4 to bring us up-to-date on their whereabouts. Jee: Living in N.Y. No mention of his girlfriend or job really. Seems to be still a nice guy and calls some of the housemates on occasion. Robert: Says Justin will be living with him for a few weeks as Justin moves out west. Says he is at least on a speaking terms with Erika now which never would have happened without the show. Says there's no love lost for Alison. Erika: Still looks good, and speaks to father-figure Jack often. Justin: Alison's ex comments on Alison and Donnie on Amazing Race 5. Felt sorry for Donnie. Alison: Of course blames BB4, not herself, for the way her and Donnie's relationship went south. June: The winner of BB4 says she took almost a year off in life and work and bought herself a place in New York. Says she doesn't really talk to Jee, nor does she want to. Still comes off sorta smug, but did show a brief human side when she revealed her father recently passed.

Larissa Meek update 

Okay, you're wondering...who the hell is Larissa Meek? She was the stunningly uber HOT woman from Average Joe 2: Hawaii. Anyway, I came across her personal website today, which she designed and maintains. Let me say, this is one beauty, WITH brains!! Check out her own artwork, photos, and small blog at Larissa Meek Too bad it looks as if she and Gil (the Putz that left her when he found out she dated Fabio) are now together. Well, if they mended ways and moved beyond that, then great for them. Gil's friends must have given him so much shit about blowing her off in Mexico (final episode of the show), either that, or he was temporarily insane. He must have looked in the mirror when he got home and screamed "What the HELL did I do?"....and begged her to forgive him and take him back. BAH!

Friday's First Flirts 

Musings In no particular order, just some random junk: 1) Fixed Kat's link spelling name on right. Sorry. 2) Heard that Paris Hilton has been seen hanging on, and all over Fred Durst (sp?). How do you go from pretty boy Nick Carter, to heathen Fred Durst? That can't last. 3) Porn star legend Jenna Jamesone has a new book coming out. An autobiography that I'd actually like to read. She drops a few names of celebs that have hit on her and the results. Bruce Willis-No, Wesley Snipes-No, Maryln Manson-Yes (ICK), Nicholas Cage-Yes. Plus all the sordid details of her career. 4) Jase is gone. GONE! 5) It's only 7:30am and I've been in the restroom a few times already. Last night I had 2 beers and 2 Manhattans at my house and nachos for dinner. I woke up at 4:30am feeling all bloated and gross and a disgustingly dry mouth. Drank a a pint of water went back to bed. By 5:30, I was trapped in the bathroom. My nachos must not have agreed with me. My jeans feel a little tight. I feel like I'm full of air and crap literally. Got to work early. Visited the clean facilities again (nice thing about being 1st here....bathrooms are sparkling clean). 6) April is coming over tonight and we have a double date if you will with some mutual friends tomorrow. I like them, but really don't want to go. I just want to gel and be lazy.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Love,---- Ice Cream Style 

Commentary [*Note: I actually pulled this word for word out of an article I was reading based upon a real study, but added my own take as well. Enjoy] Looking for that special someone? According to Dr. Alan Hirsch, the neurological director of the Smell and Taste Research and Treatment Foundation in Chicago, knowing someone's dessert preference can help you choose a potential mate. In his book 'What Flavor is Your Personality?', Dr. Hirsch reveals your "Ice Cream Romance Horoscope." -If your favorite ice cream flavor is vanilla, you like to stay busy achieving your goals. Never one to waste time, you'd be happiest with another vanilla, someone as romantic and expressive as you. Nate's Take: You are a simple minded and a boring person. You like the missionary position only and enjoy watching Friends marathons easily identifying with Ross. -If double chocolate chunk is your first choice, you recognize the need for stabilty; so you'll be most compatible with a stable, caring butter-pecan type or, if you're feeling adventerous, a chocolate chip lover may motivate you to stay focused. Nate's Take: While double chocolate may make you appear bold, you're pathetic if you actually looking for people eating butter-pecan. You may have have an oral fixation, which I never found to be a bad trait in anyone. -Those who prefer strawberries and cream need someone to give them a sense of hope and optimism, so they'd be happy with chocolate chip lovers who can match their high standards, but do so with a lighter touch. Nate's Take: You live in a fantasy world of rainbows and unicorns. Stay away from people with bold tastes as they will dominate you. You have a slight fairy side to you and it's not your mothers fault. Go drink a beer. -If you love banana cream pie, you have many chioces- you're likely to be compatible with all other flavor favorites. You are such a good listener and so easy to be with that the other types seek your company, so you are never without a date. Nate's Take: You're easy and adventerous. Send me your number. -Chocolate Chip lovers most enjoy their ice cream in the company of either butter pecan, who will identify with their high standards, or with double chocolate crunch lovers, who appreciate their charming nature. Nates's Take: Hirsch was in a sugar induced coma at this point and laughing he got a government grant to do this study. -Butter Pecan lovers are most compatible with other butter pecan lovers because you both set such high standards that you can admire each other's good taste. Besides, another butter pecan type won't be pestering you to express your fellings all the time. Nate's Take: You are comaptible with each other because you are both over-weight from eating butter-pecan. Other butter pecan lovers won't be pestering you to express their feelings for two reasons---1) They can't get anyone hotter than themselves anyway because your over-weight, 2) They are two busy burying their face into the bottom of the gallon to get the last drop, they don't care how you feel.

Amber Frey 

Observation/Musing Observation: This really has nothing to do with the Peterson case at all, but I find her an attractive woman. I haven't seen too many pictures of her, but what I have seen she is extremely cute. Musing: But it does seem she moves a little fast, gets around, and is either uncareful and/or very trusting. She has already has a three year old from a previous relationship prior to Scott. Then because of the case we get some lurid details: Their very first date she has sex with him at his hotel room. On their 4th date she gives him a baby car seat for the aforementioned daughter, keys to her home, and they have un-protected sex. Now that she is at trial, if I am hearing/reading this right, she already has another 3 month old child. Tack on a 9 month pregnancy, and do the math---she was already with another guy weeks after her relationship with Scott ended! She moves a little too quick me thinks.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

BB5 & Amazing Race 5 updates 

Sad...yes very sad indeed that my Blog now has updates on my fav TV shows. I ask myself when I will grow up, and just as I am coming to an ill-attempted excuse I remember that I saw the first commercial last night for Survivor Vintu debuting September 16. Damn. Needless to say BB5 was a nail-biter for me last night. I can't remember the last time I so looked forward to an episode of reality TV just to find out the 'possible', yes possible fate for Jase. And of course CBS milked this and waited until the last 2 minutes of the show. A lot of great tension drama surrounded Drew. God, I sound like a girl here. It appeared, through the magic of selective editing, Drew might be wavering on his decision towards who he was going to align himself with...the girls with their master plan (as Nakomis said was 4 weeks in the making), or the 3 (formerly 4) Horsemen. Interrupting fact: Karen is a nutcase. Interrupting fact 2: These house mates are pigs. For as much as some of them primp themselves and worried about fashion, they apparently care less about clean dishes, shower, etc. So about 20 minutes into the show, Jase has an epiphany: "Hey, they didn't put me up as a nominee, and I probably won't be picked to compete in the golden veto competition. Uh Oh." Too bad he figured this out...I was so hoping he would be left in the dark until the ceremony. But Jase is wiley and explained the theory, and might I add, correctly, to Cowboy. This is where we get the line of the night: Cowboy: (to Jase) You got bitch slapped. Jase of course lobbied to Marvin, who wasn't having any of it. Then he lobbied to Drew, who also was in on the plan. Apparently while Jase smugly thinks he's been working everyone from Day 1, including Nakomis, apparently they are smarter than he gives them credit for. They ALL see through his continuing lies and appalling behavior towards the women. So Drew won the 'fixed' competition, and while he said he wasn't going to use thus giving Jase a false glimmer of hope, he did not. Interrupting fact 3: God, Diane is so hot to me. She was all done up in makeup and wore this little green skirt, and she has a small tattoo just above her tailbone. Me like. A Lot! During the veto ceremony, Jase was unusually quiet. Drew chose to use the Veto on Diane. Yeah!!! Nakomis nominates Jase as the alternate. Jase knows his days are numbered. But he vows to the camera that he will destroy Drew's and Diane's relationship. I guess we'll see. Hopefully Drew, Diane and the rest of the housemates won't be goaded by Jase. Prick. Amazing Race 5: Egypt is still the local, ending in Luxor. Colin & Christie: Starting in 1st place see their 7+ hour lead get diminished to zero, but still end up in 1st place at the end, but not by much time. I can still stare at Christie all day. Yum. Colin and the cousins get into at the airport as they were trying to steal Colin's cab...who still had his bags in it. Chip & Kim: Kim finally comes clean that she feels she not really contributing much to the game. Amen sistah...you ain't. Boring Kim finally participates in a Roadblock competition towards the end which secures their second place status. Chip is the man once again! Not only is he truly vocal about appreciating his surroundings, he single-handedly picked up 10 goats for the boating leg of the race, and remained in good spirits the whole day. Concern: Did none of these people ever see the Mummy I & II? Did they never take a world history class in their lives? Did none of them pay any attention to any Egyptology when in school or IN Egypt? I can't believe NONE OF THEM knew what a Scarab was? (okay, I am probably an un-fair Egyptology buff myself) Kami & Karli: Survived by sheer luck. Very boring left to their own devices, and not very smart. 3rd place. Brandon & Nicole: Strong competitors. A few funny moments. Brandon reminds me of that dude from The Blue Lagoon years ago. He had a hard time finding the Scarab at the end, which dropped them from a string 2nd, to 4th. Charla & Mirna: Charla-awesome, Mirna- annoyingly whinny. Had a tough time herding goats as Charla is small and Mirna had to do the work for once, and of course complained the whole time. Tried to snake a cab from Colin and continue their dubious one-sided scheming. Mirna also dug for the Scarab and was as it for a long time...resulting in 5th. Linda & Karen: Who started with no money and in last placed, really redeemed themselves to every other teams chagrin. They were able to make the money needed for a cab by selling apples to tourists. Then they get dropped off at the wrong airport, but finally make it to the correct one to all others dismay. Yeah! They're back in! They have a really hard time finding the Scarab, and the only reason the get 6th place is that the brothers are held back with an injury. Marshall & Lance: Eliminated, and I'm bummed. I loved their sarcastic New York way of viewing life. But alas, Marshall's knees proved to be their downfall, as he could barely move. This restricted them from progressing at the needed speed to pass Linda & Karen and thus they forfeited. Boo!

Paris....yet again 

I tried to think of a clever title, but they have either been used before, or a little to risque so I went simple. Seems there's just more Paris Hilton news coming. A few weeks back her apartment, in which she shares with her sister had got broken into and at first it was said that jewelry got stolen. Today on the news, there seems to be some unfolding issues surrounding the 'break-in'. It appears yet another tape of a highly intimate manner has disappeared along with the jewelry. And this time it is of recent boy-toy Nick Carter. Yes, the same Nick Carter who recently had the name 'Paris' inked on his wrist. The same one who 'supposedly' slapped her around a bit a few weeks back and they subsequently broke up. Now even stranger....Police are saying that Paris left her door...UNLOCKED...which she never does, and stepped out for a brief period of time. I don't know, but this seems highly suspicious to me. She just so happens to leave her door unlocked with sensitive materials inside, and a burglar just happens to know where she lives and knows the exact time where she and her sister are out? And finds a tape? Seems like someone maybe wanted that tape to be stolen, No? But who am I kidding? The first chance I get to see her in one of these 2 new videos, if they do indeed exist, I will.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Amber Frey Testifies 

I find the Scott Peterson case fascinating. While the prosecution seems to have bungled just about everything from the start, Amber Frey's testimony seems to allude what a snake he really was. I'll admit I am interested in this case a lot, but I don't follow it day by day. The news media seems to go over the top for the most mundane information that means relatively nothing, but Amber feels like she's got a lot of weight behind her accounts of their relationship.

Tuesday Ramblings 

Car went into the shop this morning...need new brakes and a smog check. There's $220 before my first cup of coffee. Looking forward to BB5 tonight. Seems the housemates have hatched an evil plan to rid Jase once and for all, and I hope it works. But I'm not 100% positive everyone is in on it. Nakomis put up Marvin and Diane up as the 'evictees' as a decoy in hopes that during the Golden Veto competition, the three aforementioned will pick three allies (not Jase). Whoever wins veto will use it on either Martin or Diane, so Nakomis will have to pick an alternate nominee...Jase. Jase doesn't see this coming at all and is so arogant that he was not a nominee this week....This will be a major show for me tonight to watch his face as it dawns on him what happens. But he was so cocky and demeaning towards the women since day one, he truly deserves to be kicked off. Looks like Paris Hilton may be in the news yet again. It appears that one of the items stolen from her apartment last week was another scandalous sex-tape. This one starring Paris and Playboy Playmate Nicole Lenz in a 36 minute tryst filmed by WB star Simon Rex. I guess it filmed at the Bellagio Casion in Las Vegas, Feb 15...Paris's 22nd birthday. I guess it's just a manner of time before this goes public too. Some celebs will never learn. Another apparant slow day at the office today. Nobody appears to be doing anything. I kinda just want to go home myself and play video games or something. I want to go on vacation soon. Not sure where though. Someplace I can just hangout at a pool, drink nice drinks, eat good food, and just be darn lazy.

Monday, August 09, 2004

Bored Blurbs (and a little hanky panky) 

Well, when the boss is away, the department will play. Actually, it's totally dead here today. In my department alone, we have 1 sick person, 2 that came in waaaay late, 3 on vacation, and the rest of us are just sitting in our chairs. Funny that when the boss, or any resemblance to authority is gone, how everyone takes advantage of it, including yours truly. No, I was here on time, and have done some work, but only the required stuff....the rest of the day has been surfing the web, reading a magazine, and cleaning my computer (which is an important thing to do once in a while). Let me share a very IMPORTANT website with all of you: Download.com and this specific link I included has all the Internet cleanup stuff. Most of them are trial, but it's a good idea on a slow day like today to run a scan of your browser history, typed URL's, recently opened documents, etc....to clean up all the stuff you shouldn't be viewing at work anyway. I also want to share this funny website: Barbiewoman just for the sheer lunacy of her comments, Like today's entry. Barbie seems to be this young lady who has a very sexual appetite herself, and her dealings are more complicated than the relationships on Melrose Place. I like to read her blog for many reasons; she has some funny stories especially with her sense of grammar, but I am a little concerned about her carefree attitude and experimentation with drugs and partners. I hope she is just safe. And I know this sounds bad, but after reading her day to day adventures, I'd like to think that I am actually sane. Saturday I went to a day party which was pretty fun, albeit a little warm. Then when the beer ran out at 3pm, everyone pretty much bailed, including me. So my friend and I went to the pool and felt like dirty old men. I think every teenager between 15 and 21 was there, and I asked my friend if we were ever that awkward looking. I would like to think not, but then all these kids (guys and gals) think they look pretty cool too. Hate to say it, but they weren't. A couple of nice young girls, but I just can't believe the way these dress and curse in public. Where are their parents? All of them seemed like candidates for some afterschool special about pregnancy, drugs, alcohol, gangs, whatever. My friend and I 'were' looking though, so what does that make us? Like I said.....Dirty Ole Men. "come her honey, let me put some sun tan lotion on your back....your mom doesn't want you getting skin cancer....I know...she told me." Yesterday was laundry and the movies. April came over and we saw The Village. A little slow, but I enjoyed it. It was like watching one long Twilight Zone episode. We had a late lunch so we weren't really in the mood for dinner, so we just sat around and watched tv. April got up and was walking down my hallway when I decided I had an impromptu urge. I jumped up my couch and sprinted down the hallway after her, and basically tackled her (in a fun way)onto the guest bed in my spare bedroom. April began laughing and wondered what the hell got into me. Well, I felt spontaneously naughty, so without any real warning I pulled her pants off and what a pleasant surprise I took in: April had been commando all this time, and shaved herself completely bare. Now this and of itself was a major turn-on. Could we finally be, possibly be, hopingly so...turning a new corner? Had April also been thinking of our early days and wondering how to re-capture some spark? Well, at the time I wasn't going to play arm-chair psychologist....I was just going to be all caveman like and take. There didn't appear to be any argument from April, and it was sexy as all hell to see her with her shirt on and naked from the waist down staring back at me. Her laughing had pretty much stopped, and her expression turned wickedly sly. Right away I knelt down on the edge of the bed and used my hands on her to get her warmed up. It seemed like only a few seconds before I could feel the heat emanating from between her legs, and a few seconds more before it was all slick and glistening back at me. I let her have her first cookie. Without missing a beat, I just stood up and took off all my clothes...All of them, and there I stood before her, naked as a Jay-bird (I always wondered were that expression came from?). What's nice about my spare bedroom is the full length closet mirrors. I don't have that in my master bedroom, and the way April was laying allowed her to watch everything in a 3/4 on view. I knelt back down and plunged myself inside her with force. This was very exciting to both of us as I demanded she watch us in the mirror. Since I was facing her, I couldn't really see...just a quick glimpse of my bare cheek muscles flexing with every forward push, but that's okay. I really don't want to watch my butt anyway. At this point, I don't know who is leading who, 'cause for the first time in a loooong time, April is talking dirty to me. "Yeah Nate, harder....slap it..Make me cum...Yeah....", and more explicit narration I'll leave to you to infer. So the more she spoke dirty to me the harder I tried to perform until my legs began shaking from fatigue. Finally I withdrew climaxed hard all over her stomach and shirt. It was just damn sexy...just for the way she kept looking at me and what I had done. Good thing I was doing laundry...her shirt had to go immediately in. Afterwards is that weird awkward feeling....like...Now what? We just cleaned up, and went back to watching a little TV.

Friday, August 06, 2004

I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry. I really wanted to last night. I was actually thinking about it the last few days. A Lot. This last week alone seems as if it has been a month since we last explored each other. I didn't realize that traffic was going to be so bad last night, that I was running late because of it. But when I picked you up and saw you dressed up like you used to when we first started dating, my excitment grew in more ways than one. It's been a while since you wore those black stretch pants, the way they cover you thighs like a second skin. I don't see any panty lines, meaning you either have a thong on or decided not to wear any at all. I'd like to think the latter, and it was decided upon because of me. I open the passenger car door for you, and get a whiff of the perfume you put on just for me. I close the door behind you and smile as I walk to my side of the car. The play started late. Later than we had both hoped. I don't know about you, but the both of us dressing up like we were on our first date again brought back many memories. The anticipation inside me was building....that is the anticpation of peeling you out of your outfit, making a pile of your clothes at the foot of my bed. First your shirt, so as I can see the sexy bra you might be wearing underneath. Then your pants to see if you are really wearing anything else like I was imaging. Then you would do the same to me until we were both open to each other in the stillness of my room. But that would have to wait until later. Then the play ran long. I yawned and caught you yawning as well. The parking lot was a mess and it seemed to take forever to leave. We planned on being back by 10pm, but now it was already 11:15 and we still weren't close to my house. I finally parked at midnight and we made our way back to my bedroom with half closed eyes. You said you were tired, and I didn't argue. My plan for your seduction would have to wait until another time. I showered and crawled into bed, wearing only my boxers. My half closed eyes only stole a glimpse of you undressing. Your clothes did end up at the foot of my bed, but not the way I pictured it. You took your bra off and crawled into bed next to me. You were wearing a black thong after all. Before we both knew it I was awake this morning. Early. I had to take you back to your place before we both went to work. 5 hours of sleep was not enough. I stir first and roll over to look at you. You are on your back. Quiet. Innocent. Dreaming of who knows what. The sheets of my bed had only covered you up to your midriff. I propped my head up on one hand and elbow juss looking at you. Your stomach rising and falling with every breath, your naked breasts free and exposed to the world. It's apparant that it's colder in my room than I thought. I want to touch you now. I want to taste them now. I feel a stirring in my shorts and am tempted to reach over and wake you by slipping my hands between your legs. I wanna make you moist and feel my finger inside you, but I glance at the clock and know it can't be. I can't rush it, no matter how longs its been. I can't be late to work because I know they are short handed today. I wake you the hard way and watch you step out of my bed. The way the sheets cascade of your thighs and legs as you step out towards the vanity. You borrow a toothbrush standing in front of my sink. I watch you from behind. Strong black thong snug between your ass, still naked breasts reflecting in the mirror back to me. The hint of your tan line makes me salivate. You don't realize I'm visibly aroused and need to find my pants quick. I hurry and wait for you in the living room. You're not too long behind and we leave. I'm sorry we didn't make love last night April. I'm sorry we didn't get animalistic and fuck. I dropped you off and you kissed me goodbye. You told me to have a good day at work, and all I can think about is if we can try again tonight.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

About Me....Version 2.0 

Hey guys and gals, I thought I'd experiment a little and liven this place up a bit, even though I wasn't really into it a a few posts ago. I've been experimenting with my About Me page. I added a new skin, and made a few textual changes. Some other areas like 'links' still needs to be worked on, but I just wanted to see what I could do, and if I'd lose any archives. So far, so good. However, if anyone can look at my source code and tell me how to get rid of that crappy advertisement at the top I'd really appreciate it. Most likely stems from where the picture is hosted. I think if I hosted the picture elsewhere, the ad may go away. If it works out okay, I may experiment with this page soon and add some pics and mp3's and a new design. But don't cross your fingers. L8TR

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Surfing while 'On Hold' 

Many times I find myself 'On Hold' for serious amounts of time, generally with some crappy Muzik Track, or repetitve advertising in one ear. So what is one supposed to do....well, surf the web, more more directly click on Blog Roll links of those that read my own site, and peruse what other pages and blogs you guys read. Wow, what a collection. Some are just out right nutty and boring, while others are erotic in nature. And even those run the full spectrum...from very tame and sweet, to down right raunchy where I feel I need to pick up the habit of smoking afterwards. After reading some other entries, I squarley put myself either in the middle, or slightly tame. And jeez, some of the women are just down right nasty (the good nasty) that is. I have to wonder how much of it is really real? I mean, can everyone have a 'Dear Penthouse' moment everyday? I mean I have a couple....but they happen few and far apart, but some of these blogs I'm reading it appears that have an X-rated camera crew running behind them 24/7. It definetly doesn't help me out any right now. I'm so worked up...good thing April is outta town right now...or is it? I'm not sure if she'd be happy with me, surprised, scared, or sore. Maybe it's better that we can't get together right now anyway...I'd last all about 30 seconds.

The '7' hour itch.. 

Commentary... It kinda started last night with with Diane on Big Brother 5. I can't get her outta my mind right now...that is the sight of Drew picking her up over his shoulders and carrying her about like a caveman who won his prize. She was wearing a sweatpants that tied upfront which I found incredibly sexy, and her hair was wet as if she just got out of the shower. Then there is last night's entry from Kbear who wrote a very arousing office story fantasy. I shouldn't read those while I'm at work...just makes me think about it more and more, and there is no one I can really share it with. Then there's Steve....The guy who kinda sits across from me. Nice guy, very animated, about my age. He's divorced with a two kids, and recently met a young girl 10+ years his junior. I think she's like 22 or something. I met her and she seems nice, and somewhat attractive....but it's her flirtatious innuendo's that really peak my interest and make her that much more attractive in my book. Now, these are never directed in anyway shape or form towards me....all to Steve, and for that I am envious of him. It sounds as if they have that 'young couple honeymoon' syndrome that just doesn't quit. I constantly hear his under the breath phone conversations they have with each other, and his thinly veiled attempts at soft porn talk they have with each other. I'm happy for them both...sounds like that have a voracious sexual appetite and they are equally challenging each other. I can only image what their homelife is like since they recently moved in together. As a matter of fact Steve was just telling me in excitement the other day he finally got the Playboy channel. I expressed the following interest: "She let you get it?", in which Steve replied, "Hell, she was the one that suggested it!"......(Internal monologue with myself slaps the inside of my frontal lobe). I felt like Napolean Dynamite expressing; "Lucky!" So all these things together are making me stir crazy! Even though I have expressed some distraught about the contiuned efforts on my side in starting things with April, I feel like going on line to Victoria Secrets and buying some nice lingerie. Screw that, maybe something a little more risque...say...from Fredricks of Hollywood. I need something with a naughty flair to it. Too bad I have to wait till the weekend. **This Just In** Steve is on the phone right now with his young thang as I type this talking about what he is going to do to her tonight when he gets home. Somebody just shoot me now...or give me a bag of ice. Torture.

Big Brother, Little Charla 

Commentary Okay, I couldn't help that title. I thought it was clever.....sue me. Big Brother 5 So I haven't commented in a few weeks on Big Brother 5. What I thought started as a very boring ensemble cast now has me riveted for every episode, if only for the hopeful crumble of the '4 Horsemen'. Let me just say, and make it clear....though Scott really annoys me, I loathe Jase. Yeah, he's got a great body (and possibly a secret gay crush on Brad Pitt), but I have never seen a man so in love with himself. In every episode he is aware the camera is on him, so he makes sure he either has his shirt off, working out, primping his hair, or flexing. Gawd. But that doesn't kill me as much as his ego and his abhorrently shitty attitude, especially towards Diane. Speaking of Diane, everytime I watch I find myself more attracted to her. Last night she has been dawdling about the house in sweat pants....yum! I like her skin tone too. She is cute. Not as cute as Holly, but Holly was a certified, Class A Dingbat. While nice eye-candy, her sub-par intelligence and annoyingly high pitched voice, laugh, and non-sensicle (?) would drive any sane mane up the wall. No wonder Jase likes her. Anyway, how stupid could Diane possibly be? She is cute, and she was brave enough to put Jase and Scott up as the nominees, but why didn't she load up Scott's piggy bank? IDIOT! And she knows it after the fact. And why did they put up Martin? If the women had any brains about the threat of the 4 Horsemen, they should have put up preferably Drew then Cowboy as the alternates. Why? They women's (& Will) coalition, needs to split up the 4 Horsemen period. By putting Drew up there (since all the women like him anyway), this would have forced the vote of Jase/Cowboy & outsider Martin to split votes up against Scott and Drew....and believe me, Drew would have been saved big time...bye bye Scott. However, by putting Martin up there, there is a slightly better chance that Scott will be saved, and the Jase & Scott will wreak havoc next week. Stupid Stupid Stupid Diane. Let's just hope the girls & Will stick to their guns and save Martin, but I'm not sure. As you can tell, I despise Jase and embarrassed as a guy to watch his continuous pompous attitudes, especially his one man campaign against Diane. Asshole. Amazing Race 5 How awesome are Colin & Christie? Well, I could stare at Christie all day anyway, but damn, they ROCK as far as intelligence goes. Then my favorite team of Charla & Mirna....Mirna can be dubious at times, but I am always impressed with midget Charla. After watching this show, I never want to hear a dwarf or a midget spout off on how unfair life is and they can't do anything....Charla will do, and has done everything and kicked ass over normal sized people...hence they are in second place! I want to cut Brandons hair and also stare at Nicole. Better yet, I'd like to see a team of Christie & Nicole in an all star game. Previously boring Chip & Kim who I could have cared less about really redeemed themselves in my eyes this episode. Not so much Kim....I still find her boring as hell, but Chip really stepped up to the plate...he worked his ass off, was chatty, was funny, and showed intelligence, and an appreciation for history and his surroundings. Marshall & Lance...love their sarcastic wit, but the dude's poor knee's...somebody shoot him already. Kami & Karli...gotta go...don't like their attitude. Linda & Karen....sorry to see them in last place. Wish they would have beat the twins, but they have one more chance.

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