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Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Oh look at that pretty ball of lint over there.... 

As you can tell....I'm very bored today, and at a loss for words lately. My allergies are relatively bad right now as we've had a freak heat wave which has made for a lot of warm winds and ambient pollen in the air to which I seem to be pretty sensative. So between hacks and snorts, I long for hot showers to help drain my sinuses. The new place of employment is going very well, and I'm integrating very nicely. People here have much more personality and have made me feel very welcome. I've already been invited to multiple lunches and co-workers homes for BBQ's and the like. Sex life is pretty boring though....It's been about a week I guess since April and I have been together, and I haven't really had the chance (not that I've been trying anyway) to meet anyone else....I basically go to the gym, come home, shower, chores, a little tv, and stay still as it's been kinda warm...plus my allergies make my voice sound like someone is constantly holding my nose. So I guess my lack of current sex life, has got me to thinking about past encounters....college, even High School, and a few random encounters over the last few years. Thought about signing up for the Swing site again, but for some reason I can't put my finger on....I haven't. Maybe deep down I don't want to hurt April's feelings for whatever our 'arrangement' seems to be. Maybe I just don't have time, or I just don't really want to try right now...not sex that is...but going out, and meeting, and screening, and being covert, and long waits of anticipation. Maybe I'm afraid someone will recognize me, or maybe I am starting to develop some semblance of newfound undefined morals...Or maybe I just got a little cold feet lately, and I'm waiting for some nice woman to approach me. Or maybe I hust don't care, until I sit here and blog and I begin to think about it. I honestly can say it may be all of these, or none of these. So I sit here after a nice lunch and ponder the print of the wallpaper, and count ceiling tiles.

Friday, March 26, 2004

What is erotic? 

Commentary The past few days I was struggling for a topic to share with you all. I thought of a new story to share, an old story to share, some more day to day stuff but I kept having a nagging feeling in the back of my skull that I wanted something deeper. No, I'm not trying to get all psychological on you, and I'm no arm-chair shrink. However, I've been mulling over the sound and visceral feeling of certain words, and the word erotic kept finding its way to the forefront. Now, I realize that certain words mean different things to different people. To me fornication sounds to sterile and scientific. Some times the 'F' word is can be too vulgar. 'Sex' has sooo many conotations, where does one begin? But 'erotic' seems to have, at least to me, a certain flair that is cleaner than 'sex', yet more powerful and represents something artistic, daring, liberating, and delicious. Just the word erotic conjures up different images than just saying sex, or one of a hundred different synonyms. So I wanna find out what you think 'erotic' is. Define it for me. Examine the word and compare what you find erotic to things you would substitute other words like 'cute', 'foxy', 'titalating', 'sensous', etc. for. I'll start with somethiing easy. Movies: pornographic films can be erotic, but generally not. It's hard to be erotic with a chessy soundtrack, bad sets, and even dumber storylines and and acting. But a director such as Andrew Blake, makes his movies more like an independant movie. He concentrates on the setting, the clothing, the makeup, the environment as a whole. He takes bedroom sex and turns it into a fantasy just beyond reach, yet the viewer can find it almost attainable, therefor to a certain degree realistic. Think of the movie 9 1/2 weeks. The scene with the ice cube personifies 'erotic'. Same with Wild Orchid...the scenes show just enough to drive your libido into a frenzy and is 100% more sexy and erotically fullfilling than any gang bang video. I guess what really made me think about this today was some music I was listening to earlier....I was listening to a techno station that wasn't necessarily 'dance', but slow ambient beats. Something that you just didn't tap your foot to the bass line, but something you coulkd match yoru breathing patterns to.....slow, and deep, and rythmic. Something in your soul that your mind also palyed an active role in as well. One song that I used to share with a girl I used to fool around with was 'Chant' by the group Enigma. That to me is erotic...the breathy french dialogue, the slow synthesized beats, the gregorian monks chanting, the pan flute at crescendo.... Today I was listeing to some erotic songs that I thought I share with you. So check 'em out if you ever get the chance.. Song: Simulife Artist: Stewart Walker & Geoff White Album: Discord Song: Crocketts Theme Artist: FPU Album: Traxxdata Song: Telefon Tel Aviv Artist: TTV Album: Farenheit Fair Enough I think you'll really like the first one. So do you thinks blindfolds are erotic? I don't by themselves. Even blindfolding someone on my bedroom is generally erotic, but then what if the blidfold is satin? What if you took the time to darken the room and light it with candles and incense? What if she was blidfolded and then you took your tongue and dragged it across the small of her back. What if instead of talkking vulgar to her, you whisper in a deep voice why she makes you hot, and what you want to do to her in detail. What if instead of the oh-so general whip cream, you take a champagne flute and pour a trickle of champagne down her neck as it makes it way down her chest to her belly button? What if instead of her wearing that french maid ridiculous outfit you got in the back of a magazine, you spent the extra couple dollars for a good pair of hose, and nice shoes, and a form fitting dress with a slit up the side and instead of having a glass of white wine, your order her a cosmopolitain that she sips out of a martini glass? I'd like to hear about your music? Your clothes? Your play foods? Your environment? And define for me your definition of 'erotic' as compared to 'sexy' or 'hot' or 'slutty' or whatever word you fill in the blank with.

Question to ponder.... 

Q: Does porn come in surround sound? If so, why?

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Matt and his wife.... 

I made a new friend at the gym yesterday....Matt. I've seen him in there a few times before and he's more or less non-descript. He's a very Average Joe and one of those faces that you'd probably seen 100 of everyday of your life. He is relatively pale, short redish-brown hair, and appears to be be in his late 20's or maybe 30. But the one thing I always notice about Matt is the female that accompanies him. Despie his plainess, she is an absolute knock-out....Believe-you-me, she makes heads turn of not just all the men but even some of the women, who I'm sure many are very envious of her body. She has dark, straight, shoulder lengths hair that seems to have a shimmer about it. She has to be a size 3 waist, beautiful hazel eyes, very Italian looking features, nicely shaped and full eyebrows and perfect lips. But what really makes her stand out above all the rest is her perfect chest. She tends to wear white cotton tank-tops with a spaghetti strap bra underneath, but her cleavage puts the wonder-bra to shame. Now they are obviously purchased enhancemnets, since they never move....but they are as perfect as plastic surgery can get. Her surgeon should be offered the Nobel Peace Prize for his work in the fields of art and physics. I'm sure that most of the men, and I am guilty as well, have thought....Stripper. But I am wrong, and now after all these months of oogling her, I have to re-adjust my thinking of her the next time I see her...Why?....because of Matt. Yesterday we were working out side by side to each other concentrating on our backs, and just realized we were doing the same exercises anyway, so I just said: "Hey you just wanna work out together?", in which he replied "Sure." So small talk ensued and it came out that he was just 24 years old, and his....wife....was 22. My Lord! He was 24, and she is 22? Boy do I feel old. He basically knew his wife since they were in Junior High as their families were friends and they were all into sports together. So right out of Highschool, they got married and have been happy ever since. Now I can't remember her name, but Matt was so nice I began to find myself guilty that I've been having fantasies about his wife for months.....And I still can't get over their ages and general story. On a side note, the gym has been going well lately and I've probably dropped another few pounds again, but I broke down and ate a ton of girl scout mint chip cookies the other day.....and I've been eating a ton of salalds and veggies lately, and boy...it's like eating liquid drano....so much fiber...you can tell time by me, and it ain't pretty.

Monday, March 22, 2004

This past week.... 

Thank you all for the comments and e-mails since I last blogged. Very nice and I must say I really missed you all too. So, what the heck did Nate do these past 6 days. Well, I'd like to tell you something spectacular like saving the rainforests, or rescuing a damsel in distress (she would be blond, tall and tan by the way) from the scourge of drugs who repaid me in physical favors, but alas, I cannot.....I did more or less nothing and am pretty damn proud of it. I think my very first day at home I awoke to a pot of freshly brewed coffee and did little chores about the house...like laundry, dustings, cleaning the bathrooms and treated myself to some old 'blue' movies. Yeah, I went out to the garage and dug out some oldies that I forgot I had in my collection....and enjoyed the high-school drama coached lessons of Jenna Jameson and Kylie Ireland together. Nothing like waking up to Juan Valdez and his Columbian pickins' and two fit starletts having their way with each other. But Nate cannot live on lesbian porn alone....(what am I saying?)... For the majority of the other days I spent time laying out at the pool while reading a novel which resulted in a nice base tan already for mid-March. Had some great workouts at the gym and have been really concentrating of the bum shoulder.....I'm happy to say the 'ole wing is about 95% back to normal and I'm slowly increasing weight on it again. One evening I took my parents out to a local play which was nice. Heck...I had the extra money and had a large payout from unused vacation time so I decided to take out the 'parental units' to let them know their son still thinks about them. I on the other hand was very good about not spending money ridiculously....I may have bought myself a drink here and there, but for all intents and purposes I banked everything and stayed at home....playing video games, watching DVD's, writing letters to friends, getting my hair cut and helping my neighbors out with small projects...All in all very relaxing and the first time in 4 years that I had more than 4 days off. A vacation solely based on job transition. But this entry wouldn't be complete without a female story. Actually I have two....One day, I decided to meet some guy friends of mine near their work for lunch. It was close for them, but about 30 minutes for me. Because of my time off and their playful attitude we had a very long lunch. 1 hour turned into 2 and a half, and many pitchers of amber brew later....got the phone number of our waitress. I should say she gave it to me, not very forward but more a little playful banetring/flirting between us led to her writing it on the bill. She was cute, and nice, but I could just kinda tell she did this often enough herself and I wasn't in the mood to start something with a waitress who I assumed didn't live close by or probably had 100 phone numebrs offered to her every day, but it was flattering none-the-less. Okay, that story really didn't amount to much....chalk it up to not writing at all lately... However, April and I did hang out the other day. We went out to a local bar and had a few drinks with some acquaintenances of hers and afterwards she offered to drive me home. Now I didn't drink very much at all that night...maybe just a few beers and I did have dinner so I wasn't even buzzed...Well, we ended back in my bedroom and I had her clothes off in no time....I was going down on her and having a great time and was very happy to see I brought her to climax after about ten minutes, even though my jaw was killing me (I hate having a sore jaw when I do that). So I guess you could say it was my turn next....All I can say is that the Olympic committee should have given me a 9.0 for effort at the very least. I tried missionary, on her side, then in the back...then missionary again. At first I was very excited and turned on....thinking more than a few times I was on teh brink myself.....Then 10 minutes turned into 20....then 30. Okay, some of you may think "That's Great!!!! You Stud....!!!", but alas....actually after awhile I start getting discouraged, bored, and just want to finish....and I can't. I'm now sweating like a dog, have to break out the lube because everything else is now dry....take a deep breath...catch my breath....leg muscles quivering from exhaustion....45 minutes later and a few more orgasms for April meant Zero, Zilch, Nada for me. I finally just stood up and said..."Sorry, I don't know why....but I can' right now....and the more I think about it, the worse it will be." April had that look of concern on her face wondering if it was her...or if there was something wrong with me. I assured her it was neither....that maybe I have someting on my mind I just can't place. So I just walked over to the sink, grabbed a washcloth and wiped myself down and laid back down next to her. April ended up spending the night and fell asleep rather quickly, where I pondered in the dark why I couldn't finish. I was crabby the next day.

Settling In 

Well, it's been a few days and I have a lot to share with you all that has transpired over the last week. Everything from enjoying my time off, to getting a tan, drinking drinks, playing with April, finishing a book, home improvements, good gym workouts... But as I am just settling in today as my 1st day at my new place of employment...an already much more relaxed environment I must add....I may not get into my stories until tomorrow....I have a lot of paperwork today, meeting people, and already put to work! So bear with me.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

See you next week..... 

Today is the last day of my current job and I'm just stickinga round for my last check. With that said, I will be enjoying the next 5 days off for some relaxation and stress relief.....I see a pool, a novel, and plenty of cocktails over the next few days. April and I made up last night.....woohoo....twice even...if you get my drift (wink wink). So I'll be signing off for a few days anyway.....who knows....if you don't hear from me over the next few days, I'll be back next week. Take care all until then.....

Monday, March 15, 2004

This morning was Intergalactic 

So, I'm sneaking in a post here today and I'm still not sure when, but most likely next week, return to my regular blogging. The reason: Employment change. Yes, I have decided to take a similiar position with another firm and I begin next week. So this is my last week at my current place, and I'm not dure what my last day will be....either Wedensday or Thursday. It was a very tough decision....one I agonized over for a few days which led to bouts of insomnia, a little gouchiness, some self-doubt, and a little tension between myself and April. (that's a whole story in itself). So I treated myself this weekend to just Nate time: video games, beer, cocktails, bbq, movies, and a few x-reated movies: just what the doctor ordered. However, I wish things between April and myself were a little better right now....almost wants me to go out and screw around again...get back in the dating/swinging thing since it's been almost 6 months since my 'playboy' ways. So this morning, after a week of tension, mixed emotions, lack of real sex but a pleathora of video sex, strong gym workouts, losing a few pounds (stress related of course), I went to Starbucks this morning for a large cup of black coffee. I jumped on the road and turned on my stereo....and with the the 12" sub-woofers blaring: I was listening to the Beastie Boys Intergalactic.....and it was bliss.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Coach said I may have to sit this inning out....(i.e. take a few days) 

Not sure how this will affect my writings, but I may be gone for a week...I guess I'll have to play it by ear. In a nutshell I was approached by a competitor and they made me an offer. This weekend will be a lot of soul searching, and there is a possibility I may be in transition next week, since I have to make a decision my tomorrow end of business day. What does this mean? Well, most likely my current employer may not be so happy and I may not be around for the traditional 2 weeks. I'm prepared they just may ask for my keys back by Monday, so until I settle into the new place (if I do decide), don't fret......I'm just moving careers and need a week or so to move, adjust, settle in. However, if I can blog I will.....

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Xanadu.... 

What is it about Olivia Newton John that just gets me so riled up? Ever since I can remember, the image of her the first time I ever saw 'Grease' was probably the catalyst that got my hormone's started. From her cute little poodle dress and pulled back hair as she sings "Hopelessly in Love", to that little minx in black lycra/spandex bodysuit....everytime I see that movie, I pine for her. Olivia, do you know what you have done to me?

He's not eating that breadstick like that......is he?......Nah.... 

So I was having lunch by myself today trying to clear my head about my job (more on that later) enjoying a nice salad, chicken breast and breadsticks. Now, trying to get back on my low-carb diet is going okay (last night I had some ice cream), but I was also granted some breadsticks today. They were fresh and airey and gooey.....brushed with melted butted on the outside, sprinkled with a little kosher salt and garlic. They were sooooo good. As I hold one up to my mouth, I take a bite, and as my mouth engulfs the doughy texture, warm butter runs down my fingers and the corners of my mouth. Near the end of my 1st one, it dawns on me that this whole succulent feast looks very suggestive and phallic for a guy. I couldn't shake the image from my head, so I put the remainder of my breadsticks down on a plate and proceeded to cut them with a knife and feed myself with a fork. I'm a dork that way. I'm sure no one else had that image except me.

Morning Video's 

Not sure why I've felt randy again lately. For all measures I've been a good boy when it has come to viewing pornography for a while now. I haven't been on the Internet looking at x-rated sites for almost 2 months, and my video collection (which I must say is pretty good...I am very particular and selective...and proud to say my male friends think I have the creme-of-the-crop choices (Be Kind..Please Rewind)) has has a nice collection of dust accumulating on them. But the last two mornings, before work, I have managed to make time to view a 5 minute scene and take care of business...my own. Yes, I did just come out and say that....so sue me. Seems to have my day just a tad bit less stressful and more focused throughout the rest of my day. I promise you, it's a bit more interesting than the morning commute report or local weather. (On a side note, I love when a woman does that for me....for my viweing pleasure.)

Monday, March 08, 2004

About Me 

Commentary Because some of you have asked for it, I have decided to work on an About Me page. I'll be honest in saying I've been very skeptical about this for sometime, not because of you, but because of me. You'll notice I added a header in my sidebar for 'About Me', and added a new link called Adi's Place as well. I need to clean up some of my links too....some are beyond dead and haven't shown activity in eons...so what's the point. This past weeked was pretty quiet....went to dinner on Friday night at a friend's house. One single girl, who while cute, was very materialistic and thought she was "all that". Well honey, your attitude blows and that's a major turn-off. Saturday was chores about the house, catching up on TV, and reading a book. Yesterday took Dad out for breakfast (mom was at work), looked at goodies for the house I never bought, grocery shopped and watched Soprano's....about frickin' time...I think it's been 18 months since the last season. Drank by myself.....Got up early....bloodshot eyes, but I feel great despite. Warmer than usual weather. Boss is still out until later today.

Friday, March 05, 2004

Venus at the Gym. 

Observation.... I alluded to this yesterday, but now I can spend some time writing about it. I went to another gym location in the franchise I belong to. It is one of the older gym's in the area, but the sights were very fresh. I'll run down some of the 4 beauties I beheld that afternoon: 1) When I first walked into the gym I was greeted by the elipitcal machines, and of course they face the opposite direction of the entrance, so I am greeted by many backsides. One in particular always catches my attention. I've seen her before but let me share.....Tall (5'8"+), skinny blond. Straight hair down between her shoulder baldes. Light blue sport tank top, dark blue swat pants with the waist rolled down upon itself revealing both ankles and the small of the back. Between her kindey dimples is a cute little round tatoo of something...I'm not sure what, but I don't really care, it's sexy as hell. She has to be right around her late 20's and has a natural beauty where makeup is not really needed. She's a trooper in the gym...she actually lifts some weights but is not muscular but very tone, except she sorta has no butt...that is to say it looks kinda flat, but it could have been the sweats. The downside: I think the guy she works out with is her boyfriend though. He is a wannabe Arnold in his hey-day. He's got be in his mid 40's, on steroids (I know this for fact), short cropped hair and over-tanned for his age. He's the guy that is big, and like to let everyone know he's big. So mid 40's vs. skinny late 20's. Trophy girlfriend? I'm sure. 2) After I changed my clothes and came out to do some warm up strecthes on the mat, very exotic asian/caucasian girl sat down near me to strecth as well. Her attitude exuded sexuality and she knows it. Also very skinny and very tight, long dark hair, nice skin, early 20's....but here was the clincher: Her top was so tight it showed the outline of her nipple rings. Yes. As she stretched in front of me it was all I could do not to stare in the mirror to see the outline of the barbells straining against the fabric were her silicon breasts were. She probably isn'y, but I couldn't help but think of her as a stripper before tehy get caught up into drugs, tattoo's and age. Very delicious and I began to really picture her nude in my mind. 3) There was a couple (boyfriend and girlfriend) working out legs together. She was about 5'4", brunette, hazel eyes. Caucasian, but maybe had a small bit of Italian in her. Olive and tanned skin. Black sport bra top and matching long lycra workout pants. The outline of her thong was visible as she was doing leg presses, and her ass was perfect. Nice and round, and small, and tight...reminded me instantly of my fling with SexyBlondeXOXO from many months ago. She looked like the submissive gf though as she just followed her boyfriend around, and he was kinda weird. He reminded me a lot of a buff Emminem. He wore white basketball shorts and jersey with planty of tatoo's like Emminem. His hair was similar as well, but just blond not bleached. But what was strange about him: He spent teh entire time at the gym faux shadow-boxing himself at every opportunity. He'd just stop mid walk and pretend he was boxing Mike Tyson...then walk again to a new machine. Strange. 4) Finally there was Plastic Surgery mid-life crisis girl. Clearly she was in her late 30's or early 40's, and had seen her share of the sun. Her lines weren't too deep, but you can tell the sun added a few years of wer and tear on her. Anyway, she was doing the seated butterfly chest excercise for very obvious reasons: she just must have had her chest enhanced and lifted. She wore black sweats and a very tight and thin white tank-top. She took it a step further by not only knotting up the front of her tank top to expose her naked stomach and navel jewelry, but also decided with this thin of material, there was no need to wear a bra. The result: A somewhat sweaty wet t-shirt look that allowed the outline and color of her nipples to be viewed quite prominently to anyone who even glanced in her direction. That would be Nate and about 10 other guys I noticed that kept lingering around in the area. She had no shame in it what so-ever, and I guess if I spent $3500 on a new breasts at her age and was still single I'd be flaunting them as well. Clearly she needed attention, and she got it. I guess I still can't get over the fact I basically saw even the color of them through the fabric....kinda makes you wonder what other women were thinking of her and why the gym staff didn't say anything... Needless to say, even though that gym is outta my way, I may go back more often. On a side note April is supposed to start the gym next week with a friend of hers in the morning. I think she realizes she may have gained a few pounds, and I think she know that I'd like to see her trim down a bit to the weight she was when I first met her. I think she isn't feeling as sexy as she once believed she was....and I'm not going to lie...she has put on a few pounds....but I never really want to say anything....she's very fragile that way, but I knwo she wants to wear more sexy lingerie on our escapades when we are together.

When the Boss is Away.... 

....it seems like it's a lot more relaxed around here. I actually slept in a little longer than usual, and because I knew ahead of time the boss would not be here, I came in about 20 minutes late. And enjoyed a very nice cup of coffee. I'm also listening to an internet radio station without commericals: PlanetDance....non-stop underground club music....Yeah... I amy even leave early today to go home and play video games before I go to a friends house where a bunch of us, and hopefully some singles, will meet for the first time. But just a note the whole office seems a bit more relaxed today.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Spelling errors when I rant 

So after re-reading my rant yesterday I was slightly embarrassed by my spelling. When I am on a roll, I type very fast and I'm not one to use spell check generally. But I had to go back and edit my blog, and make it appear I actually am educated. Anyway, I don't apologize for my rant yesterday, but I do realize I may have sounded angry. I guess we all have mood swings and with that we have good days and bad days. In my case, it's been good weeks and bad weeks. These past 2 weeks, other than my night with April, have been less than desireable. Between my shoulder (which while better, is still got a ways to go), my "co-workers" and job in general, some unforseen bills as a home owner, and a few other things in general have really kept me pre-occupied where I have had no real 'alone' time. I haven't been out with the 'guys' or my friends in a few weeks. My sex life has been at a minimum. And I ache. Are we ready to get the prozac out? No...not at all. Sometimes life just throws stuff at you and doesn't let up long enough to allow one to catch their breath. Things could be worse...I know. Just turn on the news and you'll note how much better your life is compared to those getting shot at, in court, or lost their home in some act of God. Actually since my little episode at work on Monday, I've felt a bit better their the last few days. My boss is being nicer, and those that bug me have steered clear of me. I will share with you later the nice day at the gym I had though....that is the sights I beheld in the form of venus.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Average Joe 2 

I'll admit that I avoided this show like the plague for a myriad of reasons, one of them being I just didn't want to look at an ultra hot woman every week....not that I don't like women of course, but the sheer fact she would not be in my bedroom after I flipped the TV off. However, the way NBC was plugging away at the final epsiode I found myself plunked down in front of the boob tube. Enter Larissa and the last two male suitors: 1) Gil?, the 26 year old blond hunk with a chiseled physique and I think 2) John, the Bostonian who was 32 who was just the Average Joe. Clearly after watching the recaps of the previous weeks, and the last two dates I thought for sure John, the Bostonian was going to defy all odds, and ultra hot Larissa would pick the smart guy who was in love with her. But alas, as history and stereotypes dictate, the hot girl went for the Brad Pitt wannabe who was immature, and clearly a dolt and didn't seem as into Larissa as a final contestant should have been. But what kills me about NBC is the last few commercial spots lead you to believe Larissa has a shocking secret, too bold for anyone to know,...BUT it will be reveiled....That's how they got me to watch. Does she have a kid? Was she married before? Does an ex-boyfriend come into the picture? Does she live in another country? No. No. No and No. Her secret, in which she reveals to Gil on their winning get-away to Cancun????.....She used to date Fabio. FABIO...Yes, the Fabio. That was the secret???? Big F'n deal. So what. Who cares. She dated....past tense. Over. Finito. But Gil didn't fail me in proving how shallow he was. He threw a tantrum, made a big deal out of it and left her in Cancun. Show ends. Larissa has no one now. Serves her right. John or whoever the Bostonian guy was....lost. Ain't that the truth....the good guy, the guy open with his emotions, the guy with a real job, the guy who constantly put her on a pedestal.....lost. Larrisa goes for the hunk...the no brained, emotionally closed, wannabe actor, immature 26 year old. Why? Because of his looks. That is why I hate these shows, and why women defy logic in my case. Sure John was no '10', but he was a good 6-7, nothing a little make-over, some new clothes, and Queer Eye tips couldn't turn him into a solid 7 or 8. So you wonder why I live my lifestyle???? That's because beautiful girls, not all, but for some unknown biological/genetic defect want the 'bad boy'.....and not someone with depth and caring personalities. They want mystery, they want ruggedness, they want a guy with an 'edge'. It's only when you grow up a little more do you realize what other guys can offer. So why am I going off on this? Because I felt like John at one point in my life. I gave, I gave, I loved, I gave, I worshipped in a good way. But Nate was a little pudgy back then. Nate was a nice guy. Nate had safe jobs...ergo girls never paid attention to me. Only when I lost weight, gained muscle and ignored them would I get phone numbers. Only when I treated you like a lesser human did you want me more. Only when I treated you like you use to treat me did you want me in bed. Now you can have me in bed,....just get close the door behind you when your done and leave.... Except for April...I like her. Is Nate bitter today?...it may sound like I am....but I'm not really. I just finally figured out the game after so many years after being a victim. Now I play by your rules. Treat me nice...I treat you nice. Treat me like shit, I'll use ya. Simple. Poor John...I really liked the guy. Wake up Larissa.

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Work...or the Children's Playground depending on how you define it. 

Been a couple of days I know.... I'm very frustrated with my life and place of employment right now. If I can give one piece of advice from my years of workink with 'professionals' is that no-one, not even teh person you have coffee with for years, or the pal you have lunch with in the next department over, or the guy/gal you befriend in the copyroom is really your friend. See, unfortunately, people have their own agendas: Some are good, some are bad, and some that are meant to me innocent and harmless put other people in the hot seat. I won't go into detail today....maybe I will soon enough. But I work with some absolute 'tools'. And those that you want to vent to have loud mouths themselves, and the walls have ears. Did I do anything wrong? No, I voiced a legitimate complaint to who I thought was a confidant about our business practices/procedures in general....not against anyne person....I was asked if I ever thought about leaving to go to a comeptitor....I said the thought crossed my mind. Befor the end of the day, my boss requested to see me and asked me if everything was alright.....out of the blue....and asked me about our competitor and if I was happy here. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. I had a very uncomfortable remainder of the day yesterday....now my boss is treating me with kid gloves, and the people around me are being nicer than usual. My so called 'confidant' who I haven't spoken to at all since my vent yesterday.....came up to me in private and said he wanted to talk to me later....I'm sure to apologize and smooth the waters over with me. Nope....friendship over for the time being. I'm not having it. Stay away from me right now....Nate Angry....You don't want to make Nate angry....Nate Smash!!! ::skin turns green, pants and clothes rip::

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