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Friday, August 29, 2003

The Meet Part 1 

I was finally able to get the courage to go meet Sexy last night, and I am so glad I did, though I am paying for it today because I am so tired. She said it was okay to meet her at her aprtment, that after speaking with me a few times I *sounded* safe and okay. What normally would take me 45 minutes was well over an hour due to the incredible amount of traffic. The longer I sat on the freeway the more I thought I needed a stiff drink or hoping this would be an unforgettable evening. Finally, I was able to park my car and noticed her street was relatively small, as were the apartments. I'm not passing judgement per se, however, this area was very small and very old. I found her address and did a last minute self-check as I walked up her foot path. The door was slightly cracked open, and I could hear the TV on. I rang the bell. To my very pleasant suprise, Sexy opened the door and looked absolutely incredible. Much better than her pictures she previosuly had sent me. She wore dark designer denim jeans, was currently barefoot, wore a sorta dark black/burgandy patterned sheer blouse with a kind of solid black sports top underneath. A navel ring was present looking like a diamond against a tan, flat stomach. Her makeup was light, her blond hair framing her flawless face, a nice smile and pretty hazel eyes. She was also holding a beer. A quick hug was followed by an offering for me to sit on her couch and her fetching me a Smirnoff Ice. As she went to the kitchen I took a glance around. Hardwood floors, very bare minimal decorations or wall hangings. There was one couch and one oversized ottoman which held a tray with a few burning candles. Besides the TV on a small table in the corner there was only one or two other candle like decorations and a phone. What I could glance from the kitchen was that it was tiny. Very tiny. It did not accomodate a standard stove or regular size refrigerator. There was also no dining table or chairs. Literally this place was a shoebox that reminded me of a college dorm, but Sexy was apparantly very happy here as she explained she had now been here three years. I also noted the open windows were lacking any screens allowing a few small moths the ability to enter and leave her abode at will. But enough about her apartment.... We shared small talk for a few minutes and we pretty much clicked from the opening sentence. There was no doubt how gorgeous she was, and as confident as I can be, I actually started having self doubts about myself. She has to have a boyfriend somehwere or is she actually psychotic? I kinda called her on that, that is, being single while definetly being Playboy material. Her answer was simple: Don't like to meet guys at bars, don't like to date locals (within the immediate neighborhood I guess) or friends. So again, Why me? Someone she never met in person and on a swing site? She said it was the fact that I seemed different from all the others, had a nice picture, and my profile was very interesting..(*Note to men: See, sometimes hard work, diligence, and spending time to actually write substance can work). Small talk lasted about 45 minutes and we decided to walk to a small martini bar a few blocks away. There we were able to sit at an actual bar, and Sexy introduced me to the bartender and a few locals. We had a few drinks, and very relaxed. I was quite happy as we never were at a loss for a topic for conversation, she laughed at my jokes (always a plus), and her body language seemed very open. I only note that about body language, because I just watched a show the other day on TV on how single men can read visual cues from other people to interpret how they fell towards you. That is the placement of hands, the way a body faces you, posture, eye contact...etc. Funny I remembered all that as we spoke to each other. At times she would lean her face in very close to mine, and on more than one occasion she called me 'honey'. Surely I knew at the very least we were going to kiss latter that night. I looked at my watch and it was sometime after 10pm, and I thought this would be a good time to head back over to her apartment in which she agreed. On the walk back we held hands. Heading in the dark door again, (her ahead of me) I took advantage of the moment as I turned her around in her living room and kissed her. All I know, it was very nice. It wasn't too aggressive, nor was it like kissing your grandmother. It last maybe 15-20 seconds and I could tell by the way she pulled my head into hers that we would be playing kissy face anyway. She pulled away just a for a second to tell me she needed to use the restroom and to return with another drink. While she stepped out of the room, I lit a single candle for some light. I like to see a little bit of what I am doing. She finally returned, sandles kicked off, and plunked on the couch next to me holding out another beverage for me. A little more small talk ensued, and soon both our voices became whispers. It was here that I got somewhat brazen and took one of her hands as she talked. I placed a single finger in my mouth, catching her offguard, and began to suck each finger very slowly and suggestively of her hand. She continued to talk, but slower now and I could tell she enjoyed it from the change in her breathing pattern. I decied to go one step further. As she continued to sit on her own couch, I swung one leg over her and straddled her. Mind you, we were still dressed, but I was basically sitting on top of her looking down at her face. With her head tilted back on the couch, I took each of her arms and held them above her head with mine and slowly kissed her. Very passionately. Our toungues swirled and danced for about for 5 minutes or so. It was so damn nice and I could have been content here. But I pushed on... I let go of her arms, and as they fell back to her sides, I began to unbutton my shirt. I asked if this was okay, wondering if I was approaching the line for our first night, but she said it was okay. I took my shirt off and flung it over the opposite arm of the couch. Now that I am bare chested, I allowed her to run her petite hands over my chest. We continued our deep and tender kissing. A few more minutes and as we pulled back for air, she took my hand and asked me a question. I didn't hear her the 1st time 'cause she was so quiet. I asked her to repeat the question. "Do you wanna go lay down?", she asked. I thought she meant the couch, so I was okay with that, until she stood up and grabbed my hand and began to lead me down the dark hallway to her bedroom.... to be continued

Thursday, August 28, 2003

Avoidance 

Sometimes the 'ole cliche "Out of sight, Out of mind", is so apropos. Too bad it's not really working for me at the current moment. It's been about two and a half hours since my last post. I've been able to have lunch and do other things that keep me busy, but now I'm back to square one. I basically have to make the decision to go ahead and meet Sexy Blond in about 5 hours, or seriously re-schedule because I'd make horrible company right now. I guess the only thing that would make me see her 100% right now, is if I knew with 100% certainty something would happen between us. The whole idea that I'm not in the best of moods, drive just under an hour to meet someone for a few drinks and a handshake and drive all the way back home does not sound appealing to me at the moment. I mean, I could sit at home, do a few chores, kick back, and be in bed soon enough just to get this day over. I know I'm in a funk when I am hungry and yet have no appetite and nothing sounds good to me. Well, a mixed drink sounds good to me right now, but that's not gonna happen.

Ho Hum 

Still feeling blah...only two hours have gone by and I am still no closer to an answer about tonight. So what makes it worse, I jump online and read about other peoples sexual encounters and musings. Some are downright explicit, some must be contrived, and others just seem embellished. I wonder when otehr bloggers write their entries, who they think their audience is? Themselves? Somebody gullible or not as smart as they are? Maybe they escape their own reality buy making a new reality up. Yeah, that's a bit judgemental, bt I perused about a dozen sites the last few hours, and only a few of them are actually worth their weight in salt. Herdesires is a pretty good one. All I know is that most of these sites are done by women. I really haven't found any logical or profound ones made or updated by men. Makes you think who really thinks about sex more. The sterotype that all men think about sex is greatly exaggerated. There are tons of sites, blogs, etc...run by women, for women, and they are pretty insanely graphic. Not that I mind...I do read them. So I guess I'll have another cup of coffee and pass my irrelevant time fantasizing about things to do to Sexy Blond. Ever do that? I never met her yet, but I already am forming a mental picture of what her home must look like, what her couch resembeles, what she will be wearing (a white and pastel sundress) that will emphasize her tan and cleavage. I picture sitting next to her on that couch, striking up casual converstaion and offering a massage. My shoulder massage will allow me to be behind her and smell her hair, and possibly whisper suggestive words in her right ear. It will allow me to brush her blond hair to one side and kiss her neck, before she turns around and opens her mouth for me. Damn....I drive myself up my own wall. Idle time is my worst enemy. The longer I am not doing anything (i.e. working) the more my mind drifts into have forbidden sex with a new stranger.

Feeling Blah 

Had a rough night last night and a tough morning so far. I'd like to say it was do to physical activities with the opposing sex, but the truth is far from it. Yesterday evening was a defining moment in my life that continues to pester me today. You see, anyone that really knows me, knows I can tend to worry and be troubled by the most trivial things. Even sometimes the best things in life that are thrown at me, I take precuations with and handle with extreme care. By being overly cautious, sometimes I think I can become my own worst enemy and drive my family and friends crazy in the process. Hence last evening...I've possibly been offered a new venue for my occupation. I'd be doing the same thing for a rival company, just a few blocks away. The good: New challenges, learn tons more, possibility of increased income. The bad: New stricter culture, new hours, new people, miss old friends of many years, no discussions of exact new salary, possible higher stress levels. In short, I'm pretty stagnant where I am right now, however, I am very comfortable, and know how to work the system in my favor after all these years. Change is always scary. Couple the above paragraph with an argument I had with a dear close friend. I was trying to make a point that my friend was not seeing. Something so basic to me seems like a distant concept to him, hence, a small falling out (nothing that a friendship cannot survive). So that continued my downward spiraling mood. Lastly, I am supposed to have my meet with Sexy Blond this evening, and for some reason my gut instinct gave me cold feet for a minute. Just when I got over that and decided to go through with the meet, another close friend calls me and more or less demands (as friends can from time to time) that we have dinner. No matter how politely I tried to phrase the situation that I wouldn't be ready at the requested time, that I had chores to do, my friend then counters by saying he'll accomodate my chores and meet me when I'm ready. I just can't tell my friend I have a possible hot encounter with a possible swinger and that we have been planning a meet for two weeks. As I sit and type this, I am very confused about my actions the remainder of the day: Do I take the new job? Do I apologize to miffed friend, even though the arguement was silly? Do I continue with my swinger meet or have dinner with other friend? I'll admit, part of me just wants to stay home tonight now 'cause I'm not in the best of moods, and just play video games and watch DVD's. Don't know what to do. Maybe I'll see if I can reschedule with Sexy, even though I loathe to do it.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Restless 

Hmmm, so as I Blog teh day along, I am trying to discover new things about this site and others. Yes, it's a relatively slow day at work and I'm happy I discovered blogging for it does pass the time away. So anyways, I can only look at the same websites so many times in a row without getting bored. Sometime's I even pray there will be a huge news event, only so I can refresh CNN.com with something new to read. However, I've been perusing the search capabilities of Blog Hop and both excited and let down. Seems there are a lot of broken links of what appeared to be promising web journals, but resulted in the dreaded "Page Not Found". Figures. To continue, I used the key search engine word 'sex', and it chugged back hundreds in alphabetical order. But there were many liek I said had broken links, and others were much more inoccent than led to believe. No I am not looking for dirty pictures today,...I just really enjoy reading other people's reality. Especially when it comes to how they deal with relationships. Don't care if your a man or a woman, if you have intertesting content, I'll read. But many sites just go on and on with mindless dribble and street slang that NATO could use a cypher code in the next war. I did come across a very open and explicit site entitled: Vibegirl, which for all intents and purposes seems to a be a single woman's exploits with her "toys" and a new boyfriend. Not too crass, but not too clean either. So I read a few of her recent entries, and, well, needless to say I'm pretty much turned on. Tomorrow is my meet with Sexy Blond. Weird, I'm like counting the hours now: about 27 to go. I have mixed emotions of excitement and nervousness. What if her pictures lie? What if she is totally a different person psychologically than on the phone? Good thing I am meeting her in her neck of the woods than the other way around. Also glad I have her number, and she doesn't have mine in case it's all over in 28 hours. Bad thing is I hate driving during the night on worknights, especially in areas I'm not familiar with. And due to the nature of my intents; my dual life of being straight laced guy that all my family and friends know must remain a mystery. It would never be the end of it if co-workers, friends, family discovered I was out for sport encounters.
New Contact? So I was checking my e-mail this morning and I got a new letter from a woman named Tara (so she says), who saw my ad on an Alternative Site and thought she would contact me. I always find that very flattering and very courageous. In her e-mail to me she explained that she was on the site once before over a year ago and went on hiatus (didn't delve into why). Anyway, she came across my ad and said she liked it for it's honesty and if I would be interested in at least chatting. She further explained that her ad (I'm assuming she just started signed in again after her hiatus) had no picture as of yet so she was sending one of herself with the e-mail. In the picture she appeared very attractive (if it was indeed her), but it was an awkward picture nonetheless. Basically it was her(?) dressed in what looked like a dental hygenist smock/apron sitting behind a patient lying down in a chair with towels about the face and she was holding an intrument which looks like that a dental cleaning was underway and she was smiling at the camera. What was even odder was the fact that the picture was termed 'adformakeup.jpg'. Uh, she sent a picture of an advertisement of herself applying permanent makeup for a brochure? Well, at least she sent a picture. What I can tell from it is that she is brunette with long, shoulder length hair, slightly pulled back. A very nice smile and white teeth. She appears to be slightly older, maybe mid to late 30's (but I'm kinda bad at guessing those things), and skinny. I realize that sitting down and wearing a white smock/apron may hide certain attributes, but her pciture did look very promising. She didn't include very much information about herself, just wanted to know if I was interested. Well, I am intrigued and curious I suppose, so I did reply and requested her ad handle so I could look up her profile. I'll go from there if she responds. Anyway, her outfit reminded me of someone I dated about 10 years ago. I met a girl in a bar and I couldn't think of a way to break the ice. The only prop I had at the time was some chewing gum, so I sauntered across the dance floor and offered her a piece of gum. At first I think she was offended as she inquired as to the fact did I think she needed gum (insinuating bad breath). No. I explained I was dumb-founded for an opening line and before you knew it we were dancing. After an evening of dancing we exchanged phone numbers. I guess within a few days of that initial meeting we decided to go out. She was a dental hygenist by trade and she owned her own house. I was pretty amazed by that I guess. She was a year or two older than me and she owned a nice 2 story home close to me. She did have a room mate however, which I'm sure helped with the mortgage, but still how did she get that house that young and being single? I assume she had help from a parent, but who knows, she made good money on an hourly basis, but only seemed to work 3-4 days a week. Okay, back to the story. She was cute. That is to say she had a very nice body, firm and petite, and excellent tan lines. She was one of the first girls I knew that also wore thong underwear, a concept I was just discovering, but knew I liked. She had dirty-sandy blonde hair, shoulder length and brown eyes. She did have one minor flaw in my book (but nobody is perfect, including me): she needed a nose job. She had a nose like Dick Tracy or Bruce Willis. She smoked once in a blue moon, drank a bit socially, but otherwise was very clean. So clean in fact she was also one of the first girls I knew that manicured herself south of the border. Also very nice. However, her hair was coarse and I can remember sometimes being down there and afterwards I felt my face was raw, like rubbing sandpaper from time to time around my mouth. We didn't date to long, maybe a few months at most. We were both young and had different ideas and directions in our lives. I guess our relationship was mostly physical, and light on emotions. It seemed our normal routine was we'd go out for a few drinks, or maybe a quick meal, and end up back at her house when her room mate was not home. We made love in the living room a few times, but mostly in her bedroom. Even though I would term our encounters as pretty good, they also followed a pattern: Turn lights down low to dim or off. Take turns removing each other clothes until she was down to her thong. That was always the best part for me....the tan lines around her thighs and pubic region. I always marveled at though tan lines and how she manicured so neatly. I used to trace those lines with my tounge and really enjoyed that portion of foreplay. I could spend a lot of time down there, even suffering from the coarse poking of hair and sometimes a stiff neck. Sometimes she would reciprocate in kind, but I was more of the giver than receiver in that department. After oral exams, we would continue into the more traditional ways of sex: Missionary, Doggie, Cowgirl. Sometimes we would do it more than once, but the night always finished my showering off and me leaving. Yeah that's right. She never once invited to stay the night. I guess that was okay, most of the time it never bothered me. I guess that's how we both figured our relationship was just physical. I'm not exactly sure how it ended. Or even how we lost touch. Sometimes I still drive by her track of homes and wonder if she still lives there or moved. Did she ever marry? Does she now have kids? Does she still have those incredible tan lines?
BlogHop I just came across an interesting site that can help register your Blog's for the general public, and seems they have a fairly large directory of Blog's. If you add your site, they can provide some interesting statistics and other enhancements. Check them out at: BlogHop.com
Typical Evening After another boring day at the office I head home for an equally predictable evening. I go the the gym and the only good news is I seem to have lost a couple of more pounds I attribute to re-kickstarting my low carb, high protein diet. Anyway, once home I do laundry, flip a few channels, clean up the kitchen a bit, clean the toilet, make dinner, play a video game, watch a bit more tv and head for bed. Generally speaking, this seems to be about 85% of my night life now that I own a home and the fact I'm no longer in my early 20's. The happy-go-lucky part of my life that included drinking or bar hopping with my friends after work is pretty much non-exsitant. I figure it's a combination that we all have to same money these days with the economy the way it is, some of my friends now have families, some of us now realize that hangovers the next day aren't as easy to overcome as they were 10 years ago, and a general consensus that bars are inherently boring and the women (and some men) are just fake. Anyway, I finished the evening watching about 10 minutes of a classic 'blue' movie I own: Elements of Desire. I just realized I guess for the 1st time that Jenna Jameson has a very small role in this movie, and by the looks of it this was probably one of her very 1st movies in her career. BTW, if any of you get E!, I strongly recommend that you watch the True Hollywood Story on Jenna. Interesting and depressing. But like most biographies of porn actors and actresses, they are all tragic. I think more times than not they end up alone, broke, in trouble, wrecked marriages, addicted to drugs, etc. Very few walk away unscathed, and it looks like Jenna may be one of the latter, though she walks a thin tightrope.

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

Lunch today Had a non-sensical, average lunch today. Had to pick up my car from a local shop just to tell me a computerized chip needs to be replaced for the unbelievably low price of a months wages. Booo. Anyway, had a *ceasar* salad (I apply that term loosely) from a supposed Italian deli (even a wider intepration may be warranted). They mixed romaine lettuce with iceberg. Okay, I'm Italian, and that my fellow Italians and salad consumers is a slap in the face, especially from an Italian deli. For shame. My friend made the comment that maybe they grew up during teh depression and it was their way of stretching the salad. So I came back to work, and heated up what I was originally going to have....homemade stew based on one of those low carb high protein diets. Was pretty good, though predictable. Anyway, I am on one of those diets. I more or less cut out 90% of my carb intake, and within weeks I lost 15 lbs. No joke. I did it for a few reasons; to feel lighter, feel better, look better. Seems to be working. Some of my co-workers have mentioned they can tell the difference. Not that I was fat, but I'm pretty muscular. I work out semi-regularly and have the genetics to have a nice physique, however, I always had a slight extra padding in the waist line. Before I started the diet, I was around 36" waist. Now I'm between 34-35", and I use another notch on the belt. My energy level is still good and can still bench press over 300 lbs. Not bad. I don't look like the typical body builder, and what really seems to stymie people is that I'm intelligent. Yeah, so that sounds egotistical...but I'm not. I'd be just as happy to point out my flaws as well: for being Italian, I'm of average size down there if you catch my drift. That's good and bad I suppose. It has taught me humility, that just because I'm of a certain ethnic background and the rest of me is big, doesn't mean every inch of me is big. Just average. Sad to think there are those below average, and envious of those above average. However, I must hold my head up high (so to speak) and be thankful I know how to use what God has given me.
Sexy Blond XOXO Sexy Blond is the handle of a woman who first wrote me on one of those 'adult-swings' sites I advertised on not all that long ago. Again, being a single male who comes across as a decent guy on one of the boards has a snowballs chance in hell in getting noticed, so when I do get the occasional e-mail notification I have an instantaneous gut reaction of both fear and excitment. The excitement come from the fact that someone has found my profile and gleened at least one trivial tid-bit about me which has spurned them to write to me. Perhaps this is someone attractive. Perhaps has a good head on her shoulders. Perhaps has the same current outlook in just looking for a casual lover...someone to break up the dullness of another day or evening and wants to dance the forbidden dance. The fear is that this person may not be attractive, lives far away, is over-weight, just wanting to make some cute comment but really has no interest. Maybe this person is psychotic, or is playing while hubby is away (something I'm not into). Or maybe it's a guy in drag or a 'woman trapped in a mans body" (yes, that did happen to me once before). Anyway, Sexy Blonde XOXO wrote me and I am always a bit skeptical when they have no picture. As a rule of thumb, I don't pay too much attention to ads without pics....there is too much of a risk on the 'grab bag' on the other side. The person may be smart, but unatractive to a huge degree. Does that mean I will only meet *hot* women? No, I have seen some smokin' hot pictures on these boards before, but the girls are so stuck up, materialistic, or smart as a box of rocks I won't waste my time either. Well, Sexy's ad was very nice. It seemed we actually had a few things in common, and she apparently lives 45 minutes away. She is alos looking for someone 'passionate both in and out of the bedroom', but 'not seeking a serious relationship', and apparantly had 'nice tan lines'. Hmmmm, might not be that bad. Even without the picture, she seemed intelligent, so I figured I'd respond and give her my other e-mail address so we can talk more casual, which she repsonded to in kind. She also told me upfront she fibbed a bit in her profile. Uh-oh, Red Flag...here's the bomb...she's gotta be married or 200lbs or something. To my greatest relief she told me she fibbed to slightly through off another suitor she had known who was actively searching/stalking her. She lied about her b-day, her residence, and the car she drove, and her pets....all trivial when it comes to dodging someone else. She also included two pics. Let me say, she was smokin' hot. From when I 1st looked at those pics, I had to do a double take to make sure they were the same person. Then I had to read her profile again just to make sure her characteristics matched her pics. I must have set at my computer 10 minutes staring. They were both tame pics....one was a head shot that showed just a hing of cleavage. The other was taken at some backyard BBQ party where she has sunglasses on, but tan she was, and a tiny waist. And in denim showing up her flat belly. I'm gonna interupt my train of thought here to atlk about denim and waist lines. Many guys like breasts. The bigger the better, fake or not. Not me. While breasts are indeed important, they aren't a deal breaker for me. Unless they are too huge. Sometimes gigantic breasts actually are a turn off for me. I have always been a waist man, and hopefully a nice little bottom. I dont like ghetto booty, nor do I liek saddlebags, but I realize everyman had different tastes. But a nice small waist, tanned and flat no less really get my engine humming. That and denim. I love denim jeans. Not sure if it's that tom-boy look, or cowgirl thing, but I tons of nasty fantasies when it comes to denim. Okay back to our regularly scheduled blog: So she gave me her phone number and I called. The 1st call is always awkward, especially when there is the underlying tension that we met on a swinger site. We had a great conversation lasting almost an hour and looking back we ended up talking about me more than I like to. I like to be somewhat of a mystery, never revealing too much until we meet, and teh fact that it sound egotistical to talk about oneself for so long. I actually attempted to steer the conversation to her more than once, but she did a great job steering it right back. Bah. We exchanged e-mail again, and discussed meeting. I am supposed to meet her in a few days, during the week. I am to pick her up at her apartment, and walk to a local watering hole within her area for a few drinks. Am I nervous? A bit...she's 45 minutes away in an area I am not familar with. She is incredibly good looking, and sounds really fun. We avoided all the cliche sexual refrences from our impending meeting which may work to my benefit. I'm not setting myself up for the big score that evening, but I figure I will try to kiss her if everything goes well. I mean, we are on a swinging site afterall, and our intentions are all there in the open. I will never force myself on someone, but if nothing happens, not even kissing, I don't know if I'll drive myself up to see her again. She may have to come my way, or be upfront what she really wants. If she just wants a friend, I'm cool with that...we'll be phone and e-mail buddies, but like I said, I am not putting out effort driving all over the place for nothing. I have videos at my home that can solve that problem. Boy that last part sounds very cold and insensative. Hopefully you'll understand I just cut my losses early on. Remember I have that wall around me, and in that "I don't care" attitude. Be nice to get out of the house one day anyway, see a new place, experience a new bar...so it's never really a loss. Just a loss in driving time and gas money on a work night no less. But I won't complain if I see those tan lines. Just thinking about this whole meet makes me uncomfortable in my chair. That is to say I'm turned on and can't do anything about it. I may have to watch a video later.
Swinging The Introduction I am not sure how I feel about swinging. I was raised in a pretty conservative family, one that truly loves God, and for all intents and purposes I do follow (to the best of my human abilities) most all tenants of non-demoninational Christianity, however, the flesh is week, and I am the first to admit I enjoy the company of a nice woman. I made the mistake, numerous times before, of giving my heart 100% and having it trounced upon weeks sometimes montsh later. I won't get into all the war stories today, but let's just say I've had a fair share of feeble attempts of love where I felt I was the giver, the fixer, the nurturer, and they were the taker, the un-appreciative, and looking for the *bad-boy*. I was never the *bad-boy*. I was always Mr. Nice. No tattoo's, never smoked, never did drugs. I appreciated education, the ideals of family, and I barely ever swore. Never had a speeding ticket and was never in trouble with the law. I respect my peers and elders so I never had the defiant *attitude* so many women seem to be attracted to. There are times I wanted to be bad, to get the girl, but deep down it wasn't in my nature to give the world the finger. Anway, a few years ago I was in a relationship with someone and I fell hard and I fell fast. I was in love to early and blind to what the rest of the world saw. From the very kiss we shared, it was special and intense, and magical. To this day, I can still remember the whole thing: the evening, the smell, the way she had her hair and make-up. Intoxicating. She was a *bad-girl*, known to drink a little here and there, to do a little pot here and there, somewhat carefree, and there was just something about her in which I knew she would be fun in bed. She was. So it should come to no suprise that as all my relationships go, the harder I fall the quicker they lead to disaster. I am a smart guy, sometimes it just takes me a little longer to wake up and smell the coffee. Well eventually I smelt the espresso and we were done. But I was heart broken, angry, and bitter towards dating and women. At the time I was 30, and I looked back over the last decade and thought about all the girls/women I dated and slept with. How many I was actually in love with, and how many I knew from day one it was probably a mistake. Never again. I vowed I was too old for this BS (that story is another blog in itself), and I had to take a new attitude for myself. I was not going to be walked over again. I was not going to be taken advantage of again. I was going to build up a wall no one was going to break through until I was ready. I started hanging with my friends again, and made the occasional blind dates from time to time. But before the date even began, I would promise myself not to get my hopes up. If something happened...great. If nothing happened, I was fine with that too. I'd just never call again or get attatched. You know the sick thing about all that? It seemed to work on girls. I started getting calls more often, more dates here and there. Unvelieveable, the less I showed interest the more attention I would get. Can someone please explain that to me? Anyway, it was not in my genes to be mean or nasty. I was still straight laced for the most part, I just didn't care to give women the time of day. I also became midly entranced by pornography. I'd like to think I'm very particular about my porn chocies. Nothing with Ron Jeremy to begin with. No anal. No excessive swearing, humilation, or weird fetishes. I enjoyed the girl next door stuff...the amateur stuff...no weird jazz sound-track, no ridiculous sets, just plain couples having sex. It seems more real that way, and I guess I became to expect that in my life as well. I had a new attitude about dating: If a girl was too much trouble...bring 'em home. A tape from the video store was cheaper and more satisfying, and quicker than some of my dates. So eventually I needed to take it to the next level. I just wanted to meet some attractive women who wanted a no strings relationship. I would even entertain the though of a three-some figuring some of these women would be married. As long as everyone understood I was straight and there was to never be any guy/guy interaction. So I heard about a few local clubs, however, it seems you have to be a single female or part of a couple to participate, both of which I was not privy to. So then there are the Internet sites which *promise* (yeah, right) a good success rate. So I signed up for two different Internet swing sites. To be up front, these are generally not friendly to single males. I'd say 90% of the ads placed are established couples looking for another couple, or select females. Singles guys really don't have a chance. Just for curiosity sake, I would look at other ads that guys placed to see what my competition was like. Not pretty. Most men are pathetic. They are overweight, jacked up looks, crude from their opening sentence, etc. If I were a woman, looking for Mr. Tonight in a sea of Mr. Yesterday's, I too would be discouraged and look for a woman as well. To find someone like me would be looking for the proverbial needle in the haystack. So I would wait and see what happens until my trial memberships would run out. Would I have any luck?
I Hate pop-ups I really don't understand pop-up ads. All I want to do is surf the web, and blog, but on my way to just about any destination these days I hit the potholes and speedbumps of the information super highway in the form of pop ups. I don't need your get rich scheme, dream vacation, Viagra, free DVD player, mortgage rate information, etc... These should be regulated just like those stupid ass phone commercials....1-800 XXXXXXXX with Carrot Top, John Stamos, Al Bundy, etc...Assinine...all of them. So I got totally off topic here with my blog. I'll start a new post shortly with the topic I intended. To set the mood this morning I am drinking a cappacino (sp?) and listening to Top Dance on Spinner.com. I love club music, but lately there seems to be a glut, or a lack of *new* souns. I enjoyed Trance, House, Teop Dance about a year back....everything as of late is really blah.

Monday, August 25, 2003

Who am I? I think that is an appropriate title for my second post, don't you think? Well, suffice to say I am a young single male in his early 30's. I'm clean cut, dark hair, blue eyes, and relatively fit. I don't smoke, never did any drugs, but I do enjoy social drinking. The more I think about this post, the more I already feel I am holding some physical characteristics back. Well, more like I am censoring myself so as to keep my identity to myself...lest that one in a million chance a good friend discovers this page and learn's I lead a double life from nice guy at the office to sexual content addict outside. Anyway, I'm a native Californian and hopefully without sounding like I have an ego or something to prove, I feel I'm prett well educated. No, i am by no means a rocket scientist, or even a whiz at math, but I do read a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean tons. I know a little about everything, and if I don't know, I'm usually willing to learn. Being well read can also be tortuous as times as well. Ever try holding a conversation with someone who's whole vocabulary they learned from MTV? I find it especially bad when it comes to having a meaningful conversation with women. Now, don't call me a pig. I don't feel that because I am a guy, I'm superior. There are plenty of 'men' that embarass me just as much in which I roll my eyes at in my head because of the lack of content between their ears. I also enjoy talking to people, especially if they have a well thought out theory on something, or know how to get to the point. But I'm a funny person that way...when it comes to talking or sharing thoughts...especially to the person I may be in bed with at the time. Looking back over the years, and some of the encounters I have had, I can honestly say their was some exciting women (or girls for that matter), and some were so boring I just wanted to shower and leave right afterwards. Yeah, the sex may have been good, but I enjoyed their body, not their idle chatter.
Well, here it is...the very first post. I'm not sure what I plan on getting out of this...this whole blog thing. Funny, I just learned what *blog* meant all but 10 minutes ago. I've been searching the internet for interesting daily journals of people under such word associations as 'diaries', or 'journals' and didn't really have good luck with it. I guess sometimes even though my life is *okay*, I enjoy the voyeuritsic aspect of reading someone's else's personal thoughts. As long as the subject is entertaining and truthful. And you have to admit, the world wide web is full of boring people and worse yet, boring stories. No, I won't have a story everyday. But I will tell the truth (that is my solemn oath and rule here) to anyone who reads this and takes the time to undertsand the nature of my inner being and feelings. I guess that is why I enjoy reading diary entries on some of the 'adult websites' I've been known to peruse and peep in on. Trouble is discerning what is true and what is hype for the mere low cost of $14.99 -$23.99 a month per site. Anyway, I hope this continuing journal, diary, or blog keeps you interested. I have a lot to say about myself and the opposite sex and evrything naught and nice. I think my next post will be more about me, so you get an idea on who I am.

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